


Life Could Be a Dream

by wildforwyld



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Awkward Romance, Band Member Kang Dongho, Band Member Lee Minsoo, Broken Families, Brotherly Angst, Car Accidents, Coffee Shop Owner Ahn Jaewon, Coffee Shops, College Student Kim Daehyun, Coma, Coping, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Junsu & Dongho Brothers AU, Kidnapping, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, OT4, Obsession, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Character Death, Polyamory, Regret, Running Away, Slow Burn, Stalking, the police are actually competent in this one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 43,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27131926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildforwyld/pseuds/wildforwyld
Summary: They met, and they lived, and they fell in love. Maybe life isn't always rainbows and butterflies, but it sure as hell isn't going to be lonely anymore.
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld/Kang Dongho | D.Min/Kim Daehyun/Lee Minsoo, Junsu & Kang Dongho | D.Min, Kang Dongho | D.Min & Lee Minsoo, Kim Daehyun/Minyoung
Comments: 74
Kudos: 43





	1. when the dawn light wakes up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of it all starts with Daehyun.

Daehyun takes a sip of his drink. It’s sweet, cold, with just a touch of hazelnut to ease whatever bitterness is left after being drowned in milk. Just the way he likes it, of course. Really, could you call it coffee at this point? He doesn’t really care. It tastes good, smells good, and comes from his favorite café in Seoul. 

The coffee isn’t the only reason this place is his favorite. Dae glances at a figure standing at the counter. Dark, black hair, a sweet smile, and shimmering eyes. Jaewon. 

He’s Dae’s favorite barista, and not just because he’s beautiful. He makes the best coffee. Sure, he may be a little slow with it, but he puts such care into each and every drink, every dessert, and every pastry he makes. And it never fails to show either, everything he makes tastes like heaven. 

Jaewon looks over in his direction after handing a drink to a woman. He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners a bit. Dae turns away and coughs. It’s not like this is anything serious. He can’t do that, he’s in a relationship. Sure, maybe it isn’t going very well, but he’s still committed to trying to make things work.

He gets up, drifts towards the trash can, tosses his cup, and leaves. Time to go try to make at least _some_ money.

  
  


***

“Hi Mrs. Kiyama! How are you?”

“I’m doing well, Daehyun. Are you here to play music? I have your thing right here, I’ll bring it out in a second.”

“Oh, no, Mrs. Kiyama! I can do it myself. Thank you!”

The elderly woman smiles at the man and nods, walking back in her shop to tend to her flowers. Dae takes the amplifier she was offering to bring out for him, hooks up his guitar, and begins preparing. It’s his amplifier, she just offers to keep it in her shop as long as he keeps coming back to play his music.

He stands in front of the microphone and takes a deep breath. It’s the same most days, come over to this spot, play for a few hours a day, go to class, go to work, go home, and do it all over again. He doesn’t mind. All he has to do is get out of college. Someday.

Dae begins singing, voice startling the sleep out of many passersby or charming all the others. Of course, college, the main thing that everyone’s looking forward to. When he was younger, he did too. College was the thing that made you smart and gave you a chance at being something in life. Over time he came to realize that it wasn’t something that he wanted.

He wanted to become a musician. The memory of that day he told his mom and dad he wasn’t going to college came to his head. His mother had told him that being a musician wouldn’t get him anywhere good, that it would just make him poor and eventually homeless. His mom, bless her good heart, was only trying to help her son, guide him through the wild mess that is life. She just failed to realize that her _baby boy_ was now in his twenties and fully prepared to be an adult on his own. 

So in order to not disappoint his mother, Daehyun got into a nice little public university, majoring in interior design. God, interior design. Just enough to please his parents with a promised career, but not so much that’ll make Daehyun feel like he’s wasting his time. He’ll probably just stay in college until the end of this year and finish, but if his mother really wants him to, he’ll probably try and see if he can transfer to a private university. Sure, it sounds pathetic and lacks any ambition, but is it really his fault?

Music was, and is his dream. Ever since he was 16, he’s wanted to be involved in the world of music. He had auditioned for several entertainment agencies and such as a kid, but never got into any of them. Why, he didn’t know or care. It’s not like anything would change, he’d still be stuck working 20 hours a week at a cheap hole-in-the-wall restaurant and busking in his free time to pay the bills. Sure, it’s fun, but it’s depressing. You’d think he’d at least be in a band by now, right? At least he writes his own songs, and even sings them sometimes. 

He’ll find a way sometime. It’s gotta happen someday.

Daehyun hadn’t even noticed the time fly by. The usual day was filled with citizens, tourists and the occasional obsessive aesthete tossing coins into his jar and stuff. He smiles to himself. At least the people are nice. At least they enjoy his music.

Daehyun unplugs his guitar and carries the amp back into Mrs. Kiyama’s shop, thanking her for her kindness. An unexpected figure stops him right outside the door. A rather short male stood before him, smiling slightly. 

“Hey.”

“H-...um, Hi!”

“Sorry to bother you, but I just gotta say, your music’s great, man. I just really, really had to tell you. I loved it.”

_‘Oh, a fan! I can’t believe it!’_ Daehyun squeals internally, his heart racing anew at this person’s words. He regained his friendly smile and brushed a piece of hair back, trying to act as chic and chill as possible. “Oh, really? Thanks, I appreciate it.”

“Yeah, of course. Y’know, I’m in music too. I’m in a band called Eunoia. Oh, and my name’s Minsoo, by the way.”

“Oh, my name’s Daehyun. And that’s cool! Eunoia? What is that?”

“I dunno, my bandmate came up with it. He used to live in America, so it’s probably an English word. Anyway, do you do music full time?”

“Uh no, actually, I go to college part time and work at a restaurant the other," Dae chuckles, "Why?”

“I was just wondering. Doesn’t make any sense, really, you’re so good! Do you busk here often?”

Dae’s curiosity is piqued. Why does Minsoo want to know so much? He doesn’t seem suspicious or anything, he sounds like a genuine fan.

“Yeah, I try to come here every weekend and on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

“Nice. I’ll come back to see ya again soon, then. Bye!” Minsoo turns to leave, but smiles at him before he actually does so. Dae laughs to himself. _‘That was kind of weird, but he seems nice.’_

  
  


***

“Dongho! Hyung! Donghoooooo!”

Minsoo bursts into his apartment, shouting for his roommate and bandmate, Dongho. After a quick look around the place, the brunette finds the man he’s looking for in the kitchen, piling grilled meat onto a plate. As soon as Minsoo sets foot in the kitchen, Dongho wastes no time in handing him the plate. 

  
“Go set the table.”

“Hey! Guess what?”

“Set the table while you talk.”

Minsoo does as his friend says and places the plate down before heading to get a couple sets of chopsticks and some plates.

“I met this guy today. No, I don’t mean like that. I was going to the gym and I stopped to watch this guy play guitar and sing for a bit.”

“Is that why you’re so late? Jeez, you’re not even sweaty, what a workout, huh?”

Minsoo rolls his eyes and stuffs a bunch of meat and gimchi in his mouth, “Shut up, I didn’t go to the gym, he was that good. He was amazing! Like really amazing! It was like listening to you play for the first time again!”

“You really make it sound like you met God.”

“Hyung, I’m serious! Man, he would have been amazing to have in the band. Either way, I want to be friends with him, so I’m gonna be late on Thursdays and Tuesdays, ok?”

“That’s dedication right there, you got his schedule memorized. Anyway, sure, I’ll make sure to leave out a block of cheese for you. Why do you even want more friends, anyway? You’ve got a bunch already.”

Minsoo continues to stuff his face, accidentally spitting bits of food all over, much to Dongho’s disgust and exaggerated grimace. 

“Hey, you can never have enough friends. Besides, he sounds a lot more fun than _youuuu_ _!_ ”

“Lies, I’m plenty fun.”

Dongho takes a sip of his water and chokes on it when Minsoo pokes his cheek, “Not when I wanted to steal that stop sign, you weren’t.”

“That was illegal.”

“And? Does it look like I care? Reeeaad myyy lipsss-”

“Minsoo, I swear to God I’m not letting you get arrested just because it’s fun.”

“See?! Like I said, stick in the mud!”


	2. and all I can do is just pour some tea for two and speak my point of view

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaewon thinks his life is already set. It's only just begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyric used in here is from an actual song, from an artist called CAT DAD and his girlfriend Tulips Ballad, and someone else i think, i only listened to like 2 or 3 of his songs but i like them, so go check him out if you like.

“Thank you for ordering! Please come again soon.”

Jaewon hands the iced matcha latte to his customer. She smiles and drops a bill in his tip box, giving him a small “Thank you!” for his service. 

It’s these kinds of things that make his day. The customers usually love what he makes, and he loves his customers. Overall, he’s pretty happy with life. He loves working at his mother’s coffee shop, he has two friends that are amazing and always supportive, and he’s living a comfortable life in his own apartment. 

Sure, he doesn’t have any other bigger ambitions and he won’t ever become anything big, but honestly, he doesn’t want to. The famous life, the big successful life, they’re all just not for him. His mom never shamed him for this, thank god. She never called him sad, or a waste of time. It was a relief. Thank god, he had been born with his ever-so-accepting mother, even if they were the only ones left out of their family. Yet, as thankful as he was, wouldn’t it be better if she had been a mother to a different son? A son that was more ambitious, a son that had problems with being accepted in life, a son that wanted more out of life? He’d have all these opportunities, and he’d use them, unlike Jaewon. He wouldn’t settle with the simplicities of life. Wouldn’t it be better if Jaewon were the son of a family that didn’t let him dream? Then everything would fit, and he’d be able to be worthless without the guilt sitting in the back of his head. Maybe he’s just weak. Yeah, that’s probably it. Oh well.

Overall, life is nice. 

***

It’s late and quiet out here. Totally creeps Minsoo out, unlike his good friend Dongho, whom Minsoo would say has at least a mild case of nyctophilia or something, that weirdo. 

Practice took forever today, Minsoo forgot his phone, and Dongho’s at home, so he’s forced to walk home himself. Minsoo swears he’ll pull on his friend’s ears when he gets there for leaving him out here on his own like this. 

Just as Minsoo looks around to make sure he’s going the right way (he often gets lost in thought and ends up across the city after walking mindlessly for a full 10 minutes), he notices something quite strange. There’s someone kneeling outside a café, face hidden and concealed underneath a heavy coat. Strange, it’s the end of the summer. The person is breathing heavily, and keeps shuddering every couple of seconds, making little noises in between. To say the very least, Minsoo was disturbed.

“Hey, uh, are you alright? You’re making me kind of nervous, y'know.” Minsoo calls out to the person as he approaches the gate to the entrance of the cafe’s patio. The person jumps up at hearing his voice and charges towards Minsoo, screeching as they do.

  
He jumps back and trips over the step leading to the patio. Oops, he missteps. Minsoo yelps in his sudden agony, and clutches onto the fence as the person darts away, their coat flying behind them. 

Minsoo relocates to sitting on the step and lifts his foot carefully onto his other knee to examine it. Dammit. He twisted his ankle. How’s he going to get home now? If he tries to walk back it’ll take way longer, and it’ll suck because, y’know, busted ankle? He doesn’t have his phone either, so he can’t call a taxi.

“Hey, are you OK?”

A voice interrupts his train of thought. Someone behind him called out to him, dropping something and running towards the scene. A black-haired guy, probably a bit younger than Minsoo, comes and kneels next to him, eyes soft and kind. He takes a second to inquire, “Do you need any help? You can come inside if you like.”

_‘Well, since he’s offering,’_ Minsoo agrees to go in with this guy, and is helped to his feet. The other carries him as carefully as he can, and lets him sit in a chair inside the café. The place is warm and smells amazing, despite it being way after hours. The lights, when switched on, make it feel even better. Like a little bakery, almost, a clean one with sleek walls and minimalistic decoration. Coffee sounds amazing right now, but he better not or else he won’t be able to sleep tonight. God knows he needs it.

“Are you going to be able to go home?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have my phone with me and no one’s picking me up.”

The man flattens a couple of pieces of paper or poster, and briefly looks back up at Minsoo, “Well...I have kakaotaxi on my phone. I can call you one.”

Minsoo’s not one to turn down offers he really needs. Besides, this guy seems nice. 

“Can you? Thank you so much. My name’s Minsoo, by the way.”

“Minsoo? Nice. Mine is Jaewon.”

The guy calls a taxi for Minsoo, and places his phone down to get back to putting up signs on his walls.

“Do you work here? This is a café, right?”

“Yup! My mom owns this place, so I work here for her. I was just going to put up these ads and then go home.”

“That’s real cool. I’m in a band, called Eunoia. Don’t ask me what that means, cause I don’t know.”

Jaewon smiles at him as he puts up an advertisement for a nearby hair salon. “Seong Cuts”. Minsoo’s probably been there before, it sounds familiar. 

“A band, huh? That’s interesting.”

Silence resumes. Kind of awkward, but only for lack of conversational topics. Jaewon’s phone goes off.

“Oh, your taxi’s here! There they are. I’ll help you get there.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you around sometime.”

Minsoo gets into his taxi, and the car takes off, leaving Jaewon on the side of the road. What a nice guy.

***

Three days pass. Jaewon walks home alone after finishing an early shift. It’s only around 6 PM, but the sun’s going far down already.

_‘I wonder if that guy, Minsoo, is doing all right. I hope he’s healed.’_

A gust of wind rushes through, blowing Jaewon’s hair back and making his nose hurt and eyes water. Ah, it’s getting cold.

_‘He seemed nice. I hope I get to see him again.’_

Jaewon had always hoped to find friends like this. All the friends he had ever made were either coworkers, classmates, or friends of the family. All through similar circumstances, just because of the chance that they were in the same group, or their mothers were friends. Even now, sure, if Minsoo hadn’t hurt himself, they wouldn’t have met, but if Jaewon hadn’t rushed to his side upon seeing him injured, he would have had to struggle to get home on his own. It gave a sense of pride.

Jaewon stands outside a bar. He never goes in, no, it’s too crowded and he doesn’t drink. He leans against the wall a bit. Nari, the manager at the Coffee Temple, used to work here. It was usually a chill place to hang out for the local hipsters and trendsetters, making its name synonymous with the finest aesthetics any other person would like. Not Jaewon’s taste exactly, but they always host the best bands, from classic rock to those more on the underground side. He likes to stand outside the place and listen, usually when he’s feeling the most lonely or upset. Today’s version sounds pretty good.

_‘Got lost in doubt, my mind’s playing games. Do it all over again, I can’t do it all again.’_

It’s in English. How curious. English is common around here, but the pronunciation sounds pretty nice. Not that Jaewon would know what it means or what proper English sounds like anyway. Even so, he likes the sound. It’s calming and brings a smile to his face.

Jaewon gets off the wall. It’s getting late, he better get home and make dinner. Maybe he’ll come back and ask who played that day later on.


	3. i don't want the world to see me cause i don't think that they'd understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daehyun's day isn't going so well, but he's finding a new aspect of life that just seems to never fail to make him happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly (and i mean very slightly) inspired by those two scenes in bohemian rhapsody where they meet and the first concert (btw that IS NOT HOW THEY MET IN REAL LIFE im not even a queenie or whatever anymore and it still makes me upset )
> 
> Enjoy!!! sorry im so inconsistent im really sorry

A dark haired man stumbles down the derelict steps of an apartment, head down and eyes afflicted with a melancholy daze. He crashes into the opposite wall, letting himself fall to the ground, just right by the door that would lead him back out into the hectic life he always knows again. God, even if it’s for a second, just a second, a break sure seems nice.

He rubs his face and heaves a small sob. Daehyun doesn’t usually cry in public, someone might see him and think he’s insane or something. Thin, cold fingers wipe away the tears gathering in the corner of his eyes. When the fingers don’t work, he uses the back of his hand, dragging it across his eye under the thin rimmed glasses until it comes back dry. Why is he even crying? He knew it was coming. He was falling out of love himself. If you could call it love.

Even so, it was a shame. Daehyun hadn’t pictured himself breaking up with Minyoung like this, at her apartment after she asked him to come over for a ‘movie night’. A real shame though, he hoped they would be able to at least be friends afterwards, when the day came. He knew she was a good person, on the inside. Just influenced by the wrong people that he could have prevented from even meeting her.

Ah, of course. That’s just what started it all, anyway. That time his “best friend” so brutally insulted Minyoung behind his back. That time a bunch of bullies cornered her and poured cockroaches on her head. It killed him inside to even think of it, how he could have stopped it all from ever even happening. So why not kill the guilt by showing her love? Love that he may or may not have even felt. He doesn’t know. It was all just a mixture of infatuation and an enduring guilt that had long since gone unchecked.

Maybe it’s for the best. It definitely is, but Daehyun’s not ready to admit it yet. He starts walking. Doesn’t know where, but it’s somewhere. Maybe the park. Maybe that lady will be there, the one that feeds the birds. Maybe she’ll sell him some seed to throw out. 

_ ‘Tuppence a bag’ _ Dae sings to himself to try and draw out some kind of deeply buried joy he might have saved for a rainy day. Humor’s always a good way to break the tension, even if it’s all in your own head. Sure, it’s a bad habit, but who cares?

His walking brings him past a building, where music plays deep within. This music in question brings a calm to the suppressed storm that is Daehyun’s emotions. Guess he won’t be seeing the birds today. He walks in the building to check it all out.

_ ‘Might as well have some fun. Maybe a drink or too, see what other music they’ve got. Which band is this, anyway?’ _

Dae navigates his way through the crowd, bleary eyed but eager to at least try to forget a bit for today. 

The band’s music begins to fade and the members begin saying their goodbyes. Daehyun turns to look at them for a second. Two tall males with short black hair, one with a middle part and the other with two block haircut, and an equally tall woman, long light brown hair flowing behind her. He began dismissing them all as their own respective unfamiliar faces until he caught a glimpse of the drummer, who just now began to climb out from behind the set. Of course, they had only just barely begun becoming friends, but he could recognize that fluffy haircut and short stature anywhere. 

Minsoo seemed to recognize him too. He clambers over the group of amplifiers and speakers placed oh-so conveniently right at the steps and pushes past the small crowds of people in the way.

“Daehyun-ah! What’s up? I didn’t know you came round to places like these.”

“I don’t, actually. How are you?”

Minsoo hops up onto a nearby barstool, orders something and pats the seat next to him for Daehyun to come and hop on.

“Oh, I’m doing just fine! Great, actually! We’ve got a bunch of gigs scheduled for us next week, and we’re gonna do great, I just know it. Oh! Let me introduce you to the band in a second, let’s just wait for them to come over.”

Dae nods in understanding. Looks like he’s got his life set out for him. Lucky.

“We’ve been doing this for a long time already, but it’s never gotten as good as this. Kinda sad, I know. Hey, maybe I’ll get myself a couple groupies at the next one?” The brunet jokes, flashing his signature shining grin. Dae can’t help but give him a small smile in return, despite his dolent mood.

The bartender comes back with five bottles. Minsoo picks up two and hands Daehyun the beer. 

“Here, have one. On me.”

“O-Oh… thanks.”

Minsoo gives him a friendly wink and takes his soju, spinning it around a bit and ending with a quick jerk, creating a ‘tornado’ in the drink.

“It’s a twister,” He laughs, “A classic!”

Dae laughs with him, unwillingly. Shame, he was looking forward to having a good old sulk at the bar. He would’ve pretended he was in a movie.

“How do you even do it? Every time I try, It just goes back and forth...”

“Well you see, you have to do it like this, watch.”

As Minsoo teaches his friend the way of spinning the bottle just right, a figure creeps up behind him and taps his shoulder.

“Sooie-hyung. Minsoo-hyung. Pass me my drink, please.”

“Hyungseok-ah!” He turns around to see his friend, or the guy Dae recognizes as the two-block cut man, “Let me introduce you to my friend. This is Daehyun, he’s a guitarist too. Dae-yah, this is Hyungseok, he’s one of my bandmates.”

Hyungseok beams, his eyes crinkling in a way that Daehyun would almost call cute. “It’s nice to meet you, Daehyun! I look forward to being friends with you!”

_ ‘Wow,’ _ Dae sips his beer as Hyungseok grabs his drink and excuses himself, ‘ _ He seems pretty nice. Real enthusiastic, though.’ _

The next person in the band soon comes up to the pair. The wild-eyed, brunette woman. She’s got a glint in her eye, Dae’s seen it before. It almost makes him annoyed, but he just can’t find any real reason to be, so he lets it go.

“Hey Minsoo! Pass my beer over, will ya? Hey, who’s this?”

“Nuna, this is a friend, his name is Dae. This is Yoonhee, she’s our bassist and she’s crazy but also a good friend, so it works out nicely.”

Yoonhee also beams at Daehyun, a kind energy suddenly overtaking the wild one. She grins so widely you can see dimples in her rosy cheeks. At least she doesn't have a gummy smile, or else Dae might’ve chortled. How rude he is sometimes.

“It’s nice to meet you, Daehyun. I’m sorry I can’t stay to chat but I’ve got a friend waiting on me. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Yeah, that’s alright. Nice to meet you too. See ya later.”

Greeting and meeting people has never been his strong suit, but somehow Dae’s such an easy person to befriend. Don’t ask him about it, he doesn’t know how either.

Minsoo and Daehyun spend a while chatting together, slowly descending into a pleasant buzzed-ness before the last member comes around. The lead singer, you might call him, along with the keyboard-ist or whatever it’s called. 

Behold, dark and  _ extremely handsome _ , Kang Dongho. He’s intimidating, sure, but he’s got a cute laugh.

Minsoo can barely make it through the introduction before Dongho, in all his hot-guy-middle-part-crossed-arms glory, snickers and says, “So this is the muse you’ve been freaking out about, huh? I must say I half expected you to be some kind of supernal being. Nice to meet you, Daehyun. "

Heat makes its way up to Daehyun’s face. Jeez, a muse? That’s kind of dramatic, isn’t it?

“Wha-Dongho! Shut up, you. Don’t listen to this dumbass, Dae, he’s got a few screws loose.”

“Do you want me to quote? I remember you coming home all in a flurry, yelling about someone you met coming home from--”

“Shut!!! Shut the fuck!!!”

Dae giggles, stopping the two in their playful banter. Minsoo’s gaze softens upon noticing his friend’s sudden relaxation. It’s a huge difference compared to how he looked coming into the bar. Then again, he’s always been good at making people feel comfortable. At least usually.

  
_ ‘It’s been a while since I’ve been able to go out with a friend like this.’  _ Dae takes a swig of his beer and leans on the bar, watching the other two with an amused look on his face,  _ ‘I think I can get used to this.’ _


	4. i'm right there if you get lonely, give this song another listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daehyun finds solace with his newfound friends. Thousands of potential memories awoken in one slightly drunken night out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, this is a different bar than the one Jaewon went to. They're not regulars at a single place.

“Let’s move, all the people are starting to come over for drinks.” Minsoo suggests, getting up from the barstool before he can get a response.

The trio moves to a table in a distant corner, taking the still-full bottles left with them. Dae downs the last bit left in his third bottle of beer, avoiding eye contact with the others as they settle into the uncomfortable padded wooden chairs. He should probably leave soon. He’s no good with conversation, at least not anymore.

Thankfully someone comes along to disrupt the strange silence that was growing between them. Yoonhee falls into a chair right beside Daehyun and stretches before taking a gulp of the same beer she’s been holding all night.

“What’s up, you guys? My friend’s off fucking around with some guy, I don’t know who,” She leans to her right and reaches over to pluck a piece of lint out of Dongho’s hair, who swats at her hand as she does, “So here I am. Hey where are we playing next again?”

Minsoo answers her, “A birthday party, this Friday. Hyung, you’ll send her the address later, right? Dae, we’d invite you, but I don’t think they’d let you in, sorry.”

“Oh that’s alright.”

“Hey look,” The brunet points across the room and snickers, “Hyungseok’s getting busy with Jaeyeol. That rich boy has come to every single performance we've had and they always end up making out in a corner and heading home early.”

Dae turns to look in the direction he’s pointing and spots the man in question being pinned to the wall by a blond fellow of similar height. Huh. Nice to know they’re accepting, at least.

“I don’t know how they can be so lovey-dovey all the time, how does it not get old after a while? They’ve been together a couple years now, haven’t they?” Dongho scoffs, crossing his arms.

Yoonhee plunks him in the back and laughs, “Not like you’d know, dude. You’re the most singular single I’ve ever met.”

“I just think that there are other things that are important in life, is that such a bad thing?”  
  


Daehyun says nothing, his gaze fixated on the napkin holder in the middle of the table. The memory of the day’s earlier events begins to catch up to him. Oh great, another depressive mood.

“Dae-yah, are you alright?”

He looks up abruptly to see Minsoo, eyes filled with a gentle concern. 

Dae contemplates whether he should tell him. It’s not like he probably cares anyway. Besides, he had promised himself that he’d start being more open with people. Might as well start now.

_‘But what if I start oversharing? I’d scare them away and I’d be alone again. Then again, does that really change anything?’_

No, fuck it, if he overshares he’ll see how they deal with it. He’s not afraid of being alone. If they just ignore him and brush him off he’ll make sure not to open up to them like that again and save his time for someone else. Daehyun may not have much self esteem but he knows his worth and won’t waste his time with people who only care about themselves.

“I broke up with my girlfriend. I...I knew it was coming and...I know it’s for the best because I don’t think what I felt was love, just guilt because of how I wasn't there for her when we were younger. It’s stupid.”

“No, it’s not stupid. I get you,” Yoonhee watches him carefully, the kind tone from earlier returning to her voice, “I’ve never exactly had that kind of relationship with a partner but i did have a friend. She...She was bullied in school. All throughout high school she was bullied and I never did anything about it, y’know? Just kind of...watched.”

Yoonhee finishes off her bottle.

“One day she dropped out of school, and ran away from home. No one heard from her for months. I felt so guilty, I thought it was all my fault because I never helped her. It was only years after when I realized it really wasn’t my fault, but at the time I had become obsessed with finding her. Almost like I owed her my attention because of how I neglected her before. So I get you. Anyway, usually after a breakup people feel really down, it’s a natural part of the process. I don't know the science behind it or anything, but not a single person I’ve ever met that actually cared about their relationship didn’t feel sad about breaking up afterwards, regardless of the circumstances. Just don’t do anything drastic. I mean, I don’t think you will, really, you don’t strike me as that kind of person.”

Dae nods slowly, absorbing her words. He gives her a meek smile and a “Thank you.”

_‘Hmm...She’s nice.’_

When in depressed moods, Daehyun becomes a man of laconic thought and speech. While he’s happy, on the other hand (especially with his familiar friends he once had in another life), he becomes a lively figure, one of joy and creativity running through his veins, as bountiful as the water of the river Nile. 

Dongho speaks up next. He plants his arms and elbows onto the table and leans on them lazily.

“I don't know anything about your relationship, really, but if you feel like it wouldn’t work well between you two, you made the right decision and you should try to feel comfortable with that. She’s ending up without the pressure too, y’know, she won’t feel like she has to force her feelings just because of an ingrained attachment you might’ve had to each other from being friends for so long. I don’t know though, I’ve never met her.” He remarks.

Daehyun smiles shyly at him in turn. “You’re probably right,” he sighs, and traces the wood grain of the table with a long-since uncut fingernail, “I’ll get over this. Everyone does. Thank you guys, for listening.”

The other three nod and say their ‘oh sure’s together. Dae takes a sip of his newly opened fourth beer and exhales a deep breath he had been holding. Looks like they’ve passed the test. It’s thrilling to him, because no one’s ever done that for him before. No one’s ever listened and gave feedback on his thoughts. Shit, no one’s ever even related to him before. Not even an empathetic ‘Oh same’ or a ‘lol me too’. It was always the same old static ‘Oof’ or ‘that sucks’ or the classic single emoticon ‘:(’. It’s fucking exhausting being the only one who cares.

Having people like these to talk to...it’s refreshing. Dae resolves to do all he can to keep them, at least as long as he can. 

Yoonhee suddenly chokes on her drink and splutters, slamming the bottle down and picking up her purse.

“Shit! I gotta go pick up Pebbles from the groomer, I’m five hours late!”

“Pebbles?”

“It’s her dog,” Minsoo laughs as Yoonhee stuffs her phone into her bag and swings over her shoulder, “Damn, five hours? Nuna, the show started 3 hours ago, you had plenty of time to get her before!”

“Oh, shut up. I’m gonna go now. Bye Dongy, by Sooie, bye Daehyun-ah! It was really nice meeting you!” She grins at him and runs out of the bar before the latter can respond.

“Dongy? What the fuck?”

“Just go with it, hyung. Anyway, what time you wanna go home? You think we can drop Dae-yah off?”

Dae interjects upon hearing his name, “Oh, don’t worry about that! I’m going to take the train.”

“Oh, ok then.”

“Yeah actually, I think I’m going to go right now. I’ve got things to do tomorrow. I’ll see you guys later.”

Dongho stops him before he can leave and asks, “Tomorrow's Thursday, are you going to be busking? Minsoo here has got your schedule memorized, and quite frankly I’d like to see what all the fuss is about.”

Dae feels himself flush for the second time that day. He really wants to know? That’s...actually amazing! He knows a real life band now. Sure, maybe he’ll never live out his dream in music, but at least he’s getting as close as he can.

“Y-Yeah! I’m gonna be at the same place as ever. I’m sure Minsoo-hyung knows where, right? I’ll...I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.”

He can feel the giddiness rising inside him. Better leave before he starts showing it. 

“See you tomorrow then. Bye, you guys! Thanks for talking with me.”

“Of course, always. Have a nice night.”

“Night Daehyun-ah! Get home safe, or else!”

Dae smiles to himself as he walks back to the bullet train and plugs in his earbuds, drowning out the noisy hum of his surroundings and losing himself in the gentle melody of whatever song is currently playing. There’s a slight, unnoticeable swing in his step as he walks. What an unexpected end to his day.


	5. oh, rock of ages, do not crumble, love is breathing still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dae solidifies his friendship with the other two, and gets closer to beginning one with the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i mean what do i say here. happy halloween? i dont want to leave it empty bc that feels lonely

Dae breathes into his hands in a fruitless attempt at warming them up.

He pushes the door to the building in front of him open and walks in, bending his head a bit as the cold air turns to warmth and the scent of coffee fills his nostrils. It isn’t a warm, homestyle country café, Coffee Temple. Soft white lights, shades of white and details in black making up the walls, screaming ‘Chic’ to every passerby out there. Quite far from homey, in fact, but to Daehyun, it’s comforting. 

A smile finds its way onto his lips. He’s feeling quite better, at least better than yesterday. He woke up feeling well, albeit a bit tired. Of course the only solution he knows to this is to stop by his all time favorite coffee shop and get himself his usual sugar and milk-filled drink with just a hint of actual brewed coffee. Hey, it still wakes him up and it tastes amazing, don’t judge it until you try it. 

Walking up to the counter, he chuckles nervously. The place is pretty empty, the only people here right now are himself, the cashier ( who just so happens to be Jaewon, what luck), and the creepy guy with the hood in the corner watching them. That guy’s always here, it’s so weird. Then again, Dae’s a regular, he comes almost every day too. Whatever.

“U-Um, hello.”

“Hi!” Jaewon chirps, his eyes sparkling with cheerfulness, “Would you like the usual? A large hazelnut latte, right?

_‘Oh, he’s cute. Jeez how can a person be so damn--wait. Hold on. Wait a minute.’_

Daehyun stands silently and unmoving, his brain practically malfunctioning as Jaewon watches with growing concern. “U-Uh, is that not it? I’m sorry.” He whispers, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

“Oh no, you’re right! You’re right, sorry. I just,” Dae runs his hand through his hair, “You know. Sorry.”

“No, it’s alright! One large hazelnut latte for you, then! I’m glad I got it right,” Jaewon giggles, “would you like a free dessert or pastry with that? The deal only lasts for today and tomorrow, you know.”

“Oh, nice. Sure, a croissant, please.”

Jaewon nods and heads off to make and retrieve these things himself. 

_‘Yes!’_ Dae cheers, _‘I love the way he does it.’_

He returns holding Daehyun’s order and hands it to him, adding an “I made the croissant myself!” to which Dae’s eyes light up. Their hands touch for a brief moment as he gives him his drink. 

_‘Oh my god, oh my god, I touched his hand. Agh, what the hell is this, some kind of Disney movie? Shut your ass up, man.’_

Dae walks out of the store and sips his drink. Maybe he should go perform an extra hour today. He’s feeling good.

***

“Hello Mrs. Kiyama! I’m here again!”

  
“Good morning, Daehyun! Are you going to perform now? I’ll bring your things out.”

“Thank you!”

Dae hooks up his amp and begins preparing for the day. Hopefully he’ll do better than he did Tuesday.

***

Dongho and Minsoo come by close to the time Daehyun plans to end his busking.

“Hi Dae-yah!! Sorry we’re late, practice took forever.”

“Oh that’s alright. I’m almost done for today, but I still got a little more to go.”

“Cool! Watch, hyung, he’s amazing at this.”

Dongho rolls his eyes, “So you’ve said.”

Daehyun takes a deep breath and a hard swallow before he proceeds to begin his next song for the fifth time today. Hopefully they like it.

His delivery runs smoothly, at least to Dae it does, but after a long day’s work the voice can falter a bit. He looks over at his new friends to see their reactions. Hopefully they won’t be harsh on him. He doesn’t need another reminder that he’s no good.

“Looks like you were right, Minsoo-yah.” Dongho crosses his arms and gives the other black-haired male a small smirk, vulpine eyes narrowing with amiable intent, almost silently applauding him.

Minsoo laughs and smacks his friend on the back, “See?! I told you!”

“How was that?” Dae pants, pushing the hair hanging in his face back. 

“It was amazing, man, I told you!”

“You’re really good at this,” Dongho admits, leaning against a nearby wall, “ It’s nice knowing someone else who’s really good at music, you know?” 

“Hey! What about me and the band?!”

“You know what I mean, idiot, I mean outside of the band. You guys are already verified virtuosos in my book.”

“We better be,” the brunet huffs, “Anyway, Dae, remember pebbles? Yoonhee’s dog? She sent me a photo of pebbles after the groomer, wanna see?”

“Oh, sure! I love dogs.”

He throws an arm around Dae and pulls him in to look at a photo on his phone. A rather snobby looking Yorkshire terrier fills the screen, hair freshly shaven except for some of her face, letting her ears form some kind of bob cut. Cute, but small dogs kinda suck. 

“ A spoiled little shit, really.” Dongho scoffs.

“She may be a brat, but she’s better than any old cat anyway.”

“How dare you? I’ll let you know that cats are superior to dogs in every way possible, and I’ll give you a list of reasons why they are. Number one, cats are self sufficient and--”

“Hyung, cats are mean and rude and don’t let you love them. I rest my case. What do you think, Dae-yah?”

“I honestly like dogs way better, but it’s all up to the individual animal I guess.”

Dongho gives him a look feigning betrayal and crosses his arms again. “I can’t believe this. I must say I’m thoroughly disappointed.” He declares.

Dae laughs softly and begins plucking at his guitar a bit, playing a little tune that was stuck in his head for the past few hours.

“Oh yeah,” Dongho begins again, “You met Hyungseok, right? Yeah? He’s starting a streaming channel on Paprika Tv. You know, for some extra money on the side. He said he’s looking to make some extra money to get an apartment for himself. I don’t know why he doesn’t just accept his boyfriends offer to move in together, he’s rich.”

“ He said because he doesn’t want to feel like he’s mooching off Jaeyeol,” Minsoo interjects, “I get it though.”

  
Dae packs up his things and starts carrying them back in the flowers shop, “Oh really? That’s pretty cool. Mrs. Kiyama! I’m done for today,” He hands her his amp, “Thank you! Anyway, what’s his channel name?

“Hyungseok_96. Pretty plain if you ask me, but it’s not my channel.”

“96? Was he born in 96? Wow, he's five years older than me.”

“Really? That’s cool. You gonna walk to the train? We’ll go with you. By the way, who’s the lady you gave your amp to? She related to ya?”

“Minsoo, don’t go poking in people’s business like that.”

“Whaat? I’m just asking, hyung!”

The three walk off together, conversating and joking around just as old friends might. They hadn’t known it then, but this was the defining moment of a bond stronger than almost any other. However, it wasn’t complete just yet.


	6. oh, what a time to be alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daehyun and Minsoo meet again, a month after they've last talked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's see if i can keep up these updates for the next three days! I added new songs to the playlist for this fic, so thats good! tell me if you recognize where the titles of each chapter come from lol, they're all song lyrics but i dont think anyone can tell lmaooo <33

_ Ding _

Daehyun groans, eyes fluttering open and stinging at the corners from the salty moisture gathering. He tugs at his eyelashes, making sure there aren’t any loose ones, before rubbing his eye again and picking up his phone. His messages have been dry for weeks, who’s this? 

His phone’s backlight blinds him temporarily, eliciting a low and raspy “agh…!” from him. Through the intense shining of the light, he reads the contact name to himself, his head weighing down slowly with sleepy exhaustion, even though he just slept a full nine hours.

“Minsoo”

_‘So he isn’t dead? It’s been a month, he hasn’t said anything at all. Whatever. I ain’t his mother.’_

He taps on the notification and pokes in his PIN, his head falling down to bury his face in the pillow while his phone opens. Right before he begins to fall asleep again, he turns onto his back and holds the phone away from his face. 

Through squinting eyes, he reads his friend's message (sent at 5 am, by the way. What was he doing up that early?)

"Hey, i'm sorry for not texting you in so long. There are things that have been going on in my life, you know. There is something that did happen a little while ago, and I apologize for not telling you sooner. I think, it'd be better if I told you in person. Do you think we could meet up sometime this weekend? I'll tell you what happened then, if yes."

Daehyun smiles sleepily and types in his response before laying his phone on his chest and dozing off once again. Thank goodness it's his day off.

***

Dae walks in through the door, the wind blowing hair into his eyes and his face flushed and burning from the cold. He rubs his nose, trying to find some sort of warmth to ease the numbing sensation. It hasn't snowed yet, but Dae expects it to come sometime this month. It's too cold for it not to. This kind of morning isn't usually his favorite, the kind where the air blows your eyes dry and freezes your fingertips but the sun glares you in the face and leaves your skin uncomfortably warm. At least he's going to be inside.

The place he's going to isn't exactly suited for a weekend morning. It's a fast food place. Not the best for a first meal, but where else are two broke young adults going to eat? He pulls his hood down, revealing his messy black hair. Minsoo stands a few meters away. His eyes are downcast, dark half circles under them, brown hair a knotty mess (even more than usual), and clothes looking even looser than normal somehow. 

"Hey."

"Hi. Um...I can order for you, if you'd like?"

Dae shakes his head, "No, it's alright, I'll go with you."

The two order their food, silence thick, bordering on awkward. If anyone should be mad, it would've been Daehyun. He hasn't done anything wrong, so why does he feel like Minsoo's angry at him? He shouldn't be, he has no reason to be angry with Daehyun. Nevertheless, The black haired male sits in uncomfortable silence and doesn't desire to be kept in suspicion much longer. 

Minsoo carries the tray with their meals to a table in the corner of the place, a little booth. The two sit down, easing into the cold, red vinyl seats, backs slouching as they begin eating in silence. 

"H...Hey Daehyun-ah. Um...Again, I'm sorry for being so long. I hope you don't think I purposely ignored you."

"No, you're fine. I understand. Everyone needs a break from talking to people."

"No!" Minsoo stops abruptly, eyes widening a fraction, "S-Sorry...I didn't do it to just you, i just— It's Hyungseok."

_'The guy with the two-block cut?'_

"Him? What happened to him?"

Minsoo sighs, gaze finding a focus on the wall to his left. 

"He's dead."

_'Oh.'_

God, Daehyun barely even knew him, but it still hit. Someone lost their life this month. Someone he met, talked to. Now that he's dead...Daehyun remembers him a lot clearer. He was a tall, attractive individual. Shining smile. Eyes sparkling with the vigor of youth. He had a whole life, a whole world of experiences left ahead of him. He was robbed. It's funny, isn't it? DIdn't even really know the guy, but it still made Daehyun feel a certain...empty hole in him. Sure, it'd probably go away the next day, but...

It's a relief. He's empathetic. It took years to find that within him, empathy. He's getting better. 

"Yeah. Remember he was a streamer? He got a stalker, and she killed him."

Stalker? Daehyun remembers years ago, when he used to think it might be cool to have a stalker, someone that was obsessed with you. Disgusting. He was so lonely he started developing a twisted perception of the world. Good thing he was able to stop that in time.

_'How...How do I comfort him?'_ Dae peers at the other curiously. It's obvious that despite the fact that he appears to be pretty over the incident, Minsoo is still grieving, even if it's only subconciously.

"Ah, uh, I'm sorry for that. I'm sure he's in a better place."

_'What the fuck was that?! "He's in a better place"? Of all the combinations of words you could have used, you chose that.'_

"Yeah, thanks. I'm sure he is. We've all taken a month off, Dongho, Yoonhee and I. Though, Jaeyeol, Hyungseok's boyfriend, he—we don't know where he's gone. He's disappeared, and we've filed a missing person's report, but the police aren't getting to it. There's nothing much we can do, really. I just hope he's safe."

"Yeah, me too."

Again, an awkward silence. Daehyun really needs to learn how to fill them.

"I've been starting to do Uber. Y'know, that driving service? We don't have a guitarist anymore so...we have to go on a pause for a bit. I've been using Dongho's van, since he's been doing video editing work on my computer. Well, technically it's the band's van, Dongho just owns it. I had to help him download some software called avid media composer or something, and he forced me to go to some the pirate bay and download some old version of it, and when I asked why, he went on about how 'nothing else will do'. He's real picky, but I did it for him cause he's my friend and it pays our bills well."

_'They need a guitarist? Maybe I could...'_

Daehyun felt his heart jump at the thought. He might have a chance. A chance to be someone bigger. Better. A chance to become what he's always dreamt about. God, it seemed so beautiful to him. A guitarist, in a band with some of his only friends, friends like he had never had. They cared about him, his feelings, what he had to say. It was almost too good to be true. The words stuck in his throat as they threatened to spill out during this passionate revelation he had. The dream that Daehyun had thought was out of reach suddenly seemed to come closer and closer.

But he did not reach out to grab it.

_'I can't do that, I can't take his place, I knew him. I knew that guy, not very well, but I knew him. I talked to him. He patted my damn back once. I can't.'_

He couldn't decide what to think of himself. Was he simply being respectful? Was he a coward? Well, he knew the answer to that question already, but did this surrender of such a promising opportunity completely destroy his chances of ever being something better, all because he was scared of taking a dead man's place?

"Dae? You ok?"

He looks up again. Minsoo's eyes are filled with concern for him. Dae chuckles dryly to himself, and responds with a clear, "Yeah, I'm alright."

"Ok, good. Anyway, how'd you get here? I mean, did you come by car, the train, walking?"

"Oh, I walked from the train station."

"You did?" Minsoo clears his throat and wipes ketchup from his face. He stands up and piles their leftover trash onto the tray, lifting it up and dumping it in the trash bin with Daehyun following closely behind, "I'll drive you home, if you'd like? I've got our van parked down the street."

"Oh, can you? You can just drive me to the train station though, I feel like riding the train today." 

"For sure. Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S ONLY HYUNGSEOK CAUSE I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO KILL YOONHEE :((( anyway, pls leave comment !!! pleaaase, comments motivate me! it's always nice to hear from my readers :3


	7. here sonny, won't you sign, right along the dotted line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New friends, new opportunities. It's all coming together.

“Hey!” Daehyun waves his hand, spotting his two friends approaching him. 

“Dae-yah!” Minsoo cheers as he slows to a walk, Dongho trailing behind him, “So you said we’re going to your favorite café. Where are we going?”

“You’ll see when we get there. Come on, it’s this way.”

The three begin walking, the sun in their face and cold wind never letting up. Daehyun had invited his Dongho and Minsoo out for coffee. You can guess where he’s taking them, can’t you? 

A lingering scent of smog and fresh morning air fills the city, a familiar scent that brings peace to their hearts. The city’s sidewalk is usually pretty empty in the early morning, contrary to the busy and chaotic roads filled with tired people in tired cars, listening to the radio, sipping acidic, soapy coffee that burns their tongues and leaves a sour taste in their mouth. 

It’s a fresh day. Cold as hell, as you know, but fresh. The air is as clear as it can get and the sky as blue as can be. Easy to see, easy to breathe. No trouble here. Not yet. It’s the only time anyone can get any peace, in between the hectic home life and exhausting days out. 

The three young men are calm, just as most other citizens of Seoul were at the moment. It’s a simple day, their hunger being the largest of their problems, their destination reveal being the most exciting event of the day so far. Nothing to worry about. What a relief.

“Dae, how’s your busking?”

“Oh that? Ehh, not so great lately,” Daehyun smiles, the sun’s reflection hiding his eyes, “I think people are finally starting to get tired of my playing. Then again, it’s becoming the same songs over and over again all day, twice a week. I haven’t written any new ones in forever.”

“Maybe you can relocate?” Dongho suggests.

“I would, but that would mean I’d have to carry my amp and equipment back and forth from home and that's a lot of heavy lifting for me,” Daehyun laughs, “ At least if I want to play in the best places, which are of course all too far from home. It’s okay though, I’ll find a way. Maybe I’ll just play for as long as I can until it becomes a waste of time. Not like I’ll ever be an actual guitarist anyway, you know?”

A concerned expression washes over Minsoo’s face. Daehyun announces their arrival at the coffee shop before he can say a word.

“Ah, we’re here!”

The trio walks in, and as usual, Daehyun’s eyes land on Jaewon, busying himself a few meters away with cleaning the counters.

_‘Agh, he’s here! Oh lord.’_

Daehyun blushes and takes a deep breath before leading his friends to the counter. Behind him, Dongho leans in slightly and whispers, “Oh, so that’s why you like coming here.”

“No!” Daehyun yelps, face reddening even more.

“What? What is it? Hey, tell me, what?”

The dark haired barista turns around, and Daehyun stiffens, taking a deep breathe. Minsoo soon realizes and cackles, “Ohhh!”

“Hi, Jaewon.”

“Hello, Daehyun! Oh, did you bring friends?” Jaewon chirps, another smile beginning to become apparent on his face.

The male realizes again that he brought his friends with him and turns to them, “Oh yes, this is Dongho,” Dongho nods and gives a slight smile, “And this is Minsoo. Minsoo?”

Minsoo doesn’t respond. His eyes are focused on Jaewon, stunned for some reason. 

“Minsoo?”

“H-hey wait, isn’t this...Aren’t you that guy that helped me with my twisted ankle a while ago? Jaewon?”

“Oh yes! Minsoo! Have you been doing alright?” Jaewon asks.

Minsoo smiles and leans against the counter, “Oh, I’m fine, thanks! You really helped me out.”

“Great,” jaewon smiles, “Anyway, what would you guys like to order? The usual, Daehyun?”

Daehyun nods and motions for the other two to order.

“Iced peach tea please!”

“A cortado for me.” Dongho states, rubbing his chin absentmindedly. 

Jaewon takes their orders and heads off to make their drinks, much to Daehyun’s joy. 

“He makes the best coffee here, y'know? Out of all the cafes I’ve been to, he’s the best. By the way, Minsoo, how’d you guys meet?”

“I accidentally twisted my ankle once right outside, and Jaewon came to help and called me a taxi.”

Dongho snorts, “Oh that’s the guy that helped ya, huh? I half expected him to be an old man.”

“Oh really? Cool. What made you—” Something in the corner of the coffeeshop catches Daehyun’s eye. A person sits at a table, donning a large coat and dirty, stained clothes. It’s the same person as always, but this time Daehyun can see their face, large bug eyes and pointed nose, all focused in the same direction as always, towards the cashier counter. 

“Daehyun?”

“That person over there, look,” Daehyun points out the figure, “I don’t mean to talk behind their back, but...they’re always here. It’s kind of weird. They come here almost every day and don’t ever order anything, they just sit there and watch the menu or something until closing time.”

“That’s really creepy,” Dongho whispers, “Have you told the manager or someone about this?”

“No, because they might just be a homeless person that doesn’t like being outside or something. Who am I to take that away from them? And Jaewon’s so nice, he’d let anyone stay here as long as they like.” 

“Dongho, Daehyun, Minsoo! Your drinks are ready.” Jaewon calls, giving them his signature bright smile as he gives them their order. The three make their way to a table and sit.

“We’ve been holding auditions for a new guitarist, but no one’s good enough, fits our style, and gets along with us. If we can’t find one soon we’re going to have to resort to just being a three person band.” Dongho sighs.

Daehyun’s gaze falls to his drink, _‘They’re still looking...if they can’t find a guitarist, their band won’t be the same again. Maybe I should...I know I told myself I wouldn’t before but….I can’t just let Eunoia become a three person band like that.’_

“Hey, uh,” Dae begins, “What if...what if I auditioned? I mean, because I know how to play guitar too, and we’re friends, you know?”

His nerves began to get the better of him. What if they thought he wasn’t good enough for their band and didn’t want to tell him? So they just accept and say ok, and Daehyun goes to audition thinking he actually had a chance at his dream and they just turn him down and give up? Now that he realizes what he’s doing, he’d give anything to take his words back.

_‘I can’t handle that kind of rejection. Not right now. Not by them.’_

“Oh that’s actually a great idea!” Minsoo says, taking a long sip of his tea, “Would you really? We can set up a date sometime this week if that’s ok?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s f-fine.” Daehyun’s voice wavers, “I’m going to go to the bathroom real quick, I’ll be right back.”

The male hastily stands up and rapidly makes his way to the restroom, blood rushing to his neck and ears.

‘Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I actually did it! I’m...I’m…’ 

Daehyun leans against the wall of a stall, breathing heavily, almost panting. He had thought it was hopeless. That he was a case of failed potential to be looked down upon and laughed at but somehow, he made it. The opportunity’s come back. Maybe it was meant to happen. Might as well take the chance now.

_‘It’s all I’ve really got now, and I sure as hell am not going to let it run away from me again.’_


	8. you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daehyun auditions for Eunoia, and Dongho finds himself going back to coffee temple more often than he thought he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh, i hope you like this! Whoever's reading this, lol <3

Daehyun walks into the studio, guitar case in one hand and his tightly clenched sense of hope in the other. Minsoo, Dongho, and Yoonhee sit a few meters away talking and joking together. They look like a family. Can Daehyun make it in with them?

“Daehyun-ah!”

“Daehyun, Whats up?”

  
“Dae-yah.”

The male in question lays down his guitar (named Tayler, by the way) and greets the other three with a soft, “Hey. You have the equipment I need to play, right? I brought my guitar.”

“Yeah, it’s right over there. You can start hooking up now, if you’d like.”

Daehyun does this, hooking up his guitar and tuning it a bit while the others continue conversing.

“Minsoo, you shouldn’t even count as a vote, you’re gonna say yes no matter what.” Yoonhee slaps the back of the brunet’s neck.

“No, I’m not!”

Dongho laughs, “Yeah sure, remember that time you had a crush on that one Estonian girl and you would do literally anything for her and once you even did that stupid dance to make her laugh and she—”

  
“SHUT YOUR—Shut up before I shove this hi-hat up your ass.”

“Ok, I’m ready!” Daehyun announces, hopping up with his guitar, “I’ll start now, I guess.”

“Yes, yes! Play!”

Daehyun pulls out his five pence coin his cousin once brought him from England and puts on his guitar. 

The music flows easily with him, smooth and beautiful. It relaxes him, calms the soul, and eases his mind. No problems on his mind, just happiness and serenity. 

He loses himself in the sound, as he always finds himself doing when he plays music. Mind empty, only music, music, music for the day. He thinks of his mother, dearest mother that always wanted him to be happy, to be somebody in the world.

_ ‘Here I am, mom. I’m doing it. I hope you’ll be proud of me.’ _

He’s worked his entire life up to this point, chasing after a dream he never truly believed in. And his friends, oh, his ever-so-supportive new friends. 

A sudden applause begins as Daehyun finishes the second song for them. Yoonhee stands up, a giant smile on her face, dimples barely visible. 

“Woo! You’re in!”

“Yoonhee, we have to  _ discuss _ this first—”

“I don’t care, Dongho, he’s in!”

Minsoo trips over himself trying to get out of his chair, “Yeah! Daehyun, you’re amazing! As if we didn’t know that already!”

“Wha—Oh, fine! I was gonna say that anyway.” Dongho rises and swerves around the table in front of them to get to Dae, seizing his hand in a stiff, very businessman-like way, and shakes it. Seems like he’s had a little practice. 

“I’m...I’m in?”

The three reply in unison, “yeah”’s from all around. Daehyun grins.

“Thank you!”

And here is where it starts.

***

Dongho, unfortunately, has found himself returning to the Coffee Temple. Unfortunately, because he’s not a regular coffee drinker. Coffee, in his opinion, should be reserved for times it’s necessary, when you really need it, not when you just want to taste it. 

The thing is, the Coffee Temple has a specific vibe. It’s warm, peaceful, chic, and overall a very soothing place of soft white lights and ‘Instagran influencer’ worthy design. Most of all, the cortado he ordered last time was amazing and Jaewon seemed pretty nice. 

_ ‘Another bad habit I’ll have to break,’ _ he rolls his eyes as he walks into the Coffee Temple again after somehow getting sidetracked on his way to the record store.

Again, that creepy person is sitting a little while away, still staring as always. Maybe they are homeless. Who knows. At this point, they’re kind of like a decoration, an addition to the environment. What kind of addition, however, Dongho doesn’t know.

“Hey, Jaewon.” Dongho announces, walking up to the barista at the counter. Jaewon, again of course, he’s here almost everyday. 

“Oh, Dongho! What would you like today?”

  
“What do you recommend?”

Jaewon looks back to the menu, pausing to think, “Hm...You look like an Americano kind of guy! Is that alright?”

Dongho nods. He seems to know what he’s doing, he’s a barista.

“Would you like it iced?”

“No thanks.”

Jaewon nods in confirmation and turns around to start making the drink.

_ ‘Daehyun was right last time, he made a real nice cortado. Wonder if he does the same each time, or if he’s just doing it for Dae.’ _

The taller male feels something, a strange force. He turns around. 

That person, the bug-eyed, greasy-haired person, is staring directly at him. My god, from this angle they look like a demon. It sends chills up Dongho’s spine.

“Dongho, your Americano is ready!”

He walks over to the counter and picks up his drink, giving a polite smile and a “Thank you” to Jaewon as he drifts over to a table. As he waits for his drink to cool a bit, at least enough so he doesn’t die drinking it, he watches the barista busy himself with tidying up and cleaning. He works fast, hands swiftly moving across surfaces, cleaning and washing dishes as nimbly as humanly possible. 

_ ‘He’s an interesting person,’ _ Dongho concludes, taking a tentative sip of his drink,  _ ‘I wonder if—holy shit, this drink is amaz _ ing.’

***

A few nights later, Dongho finds himself, again, at Coffee Temple. This time, however, The day is over and the night is heavy upon him. He’s out for his usual jog, as he does every other day.

Usually while he runs, he loses himself in his mind and music, but on this occasion his headphones began falling out. As he paused to put them back in, he realized where he was. 

_ ‘Huh, isn’t this the street Coffee Temple is on?’  _ He wonders, raising his arms behind his head as he walks, just like the way his old friend once taught him to, saying that it’s better for his breathing or something, _ ‘Oh yeah, it’s over there.’ _

Dongho begins walking towards the building, just to see if anyone was inside, before he spotted something. There’s a figure

A figure with a huge coat.

He can’t see them very well in the dark, but he can tell that they’re on their phone. The strangest part was, though, that they’re holding it weirdly, almost like the way Minsoo does when he angles it up to take a secret photo of people he finds that have funny hairlines or peculiar faces. Kind of creepy, Dongho thinks, but as long as he’s not using it for anything other than laughs, it’s fine.

So does that mean this person’s taking a picture of something? From here, he can’t tell. Maybe he's just being too analytical again, too nosy.

Dongho walks forward past the other, making his presence known before he spots someone at the entrance to Coffee Temple.

Jaewon. He’s locking up for the night, it seems.

“Jaewon!” Dongho calls, running up to the door.

“Oh hey Dongho! What are you doing here?”

“Just going for a run. Hey, uh,” He lowers his voice to a whisper, “Wanted to let you know, there’s a guy over there,” He motions with his head, “That looks like he’s taking a picture in your direction. It just looks suspicious to me, I thought you’d like to know.”

A concerned look slowly makes its way onto Jaewon’s face. He nods in understanding, “Oh, thanks Dongho...Thanks—Thanks for telling me.”

“Yeah, of course,” Dongho walks the smaller male down the steps, “You should probably take a taxi home, just in case.”

“I am! It’s coming soon, I called it a few minutes ago.”

“Good, I’ll be going now then, take care of yourself.”

“Thanks Dongho! You too!”

The taller man jogs away, headphones back on and blasting music into his ears. His thoughts wander back to Jaewon as he goes.

_ ‘That guy better take care of himself. Someone’ll take advantage of him, maybe even hurt him, if he’s not careful.’ _

  
  
  



	9. just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all,_   
>  _The morning rain clouds up my window, and I can't see at all._   
>  _And even if I could it'll all be gray._   
>  _Put your picture on my wall,_   
>  _It reminds me, that it's not so bad,_   
>  _It's not so bad._

“Bye Nari! See you tomorrow.”

Jaewon walks down the steps of the Coffee Temple and begins his journey back home. 

_‘Those three guys,’_ Jaewon remembers, _‘Daehyun, Dongho, and Minsoo. They’re pretty nice. I haven’t made new friends in a while. Not since Jun, when we first hired him a few years ago.’_

Daehyun had been a regular customer at the Coffee Temple, and still is. He’s a sweet person, always so nice and caring. Jaewon had at first been intimidated by him. He seemed to be the kind of guy that could make friends with everyone and kept them pretty easily too. Jaewon had never been a popular person when he was younger, so the fear of people with social influence had stuck with him for most of his life.

There came one day where he felt brave enough to make an attempt to talk to him. It was just a simple exchange, Jaewon had memorized his usual order and suggested it for him, but it was enough to prove to him that he wasn’t hopeless, he can change and shake off that shyness and anxiety that plagues him. Daehyun had actually turned out to be really nice, giving Jaewon a little more hope to latch onto. He was slowly, but definitely, making more friends. 

He met Minsoo before he began talking to Daehyun, when he had hurt his ankle outside of the Coffee temple. Jaewon hadn’t been able to get to know him as well, as they hadn’t really talked at all after Daehyun brought him over the first time. Despite that, Jaewon was able to form an expectation on what he’d be like. He seemed to be an overall friendly person, perhaps a bit chaotic with the people he knows best. Jaewon looks forward to getting to know him better

Dongho was a new person to Jaewon. He was quite scary at first, being the tall, silent type around him at first. But then he began coming back to the Temple. With each time, Jaewon managed to see a bit into his personality. He’s a kindhearted person, naturally, but it looked as if he was hardened by the world, maybe his old friends, maybe his parents. It reminded him of Jun. Now Jun, he was Jaewon’s best friend (even with how much he denies it, Jaewon can tell he cares). Jaewon supposed he just got along pretty well with people like him, so he held his arms open for Dongho, someone who might just be like Jun. A potential friendship in the making, as Jaewon likes to see it. He may be a dreamer, but it’s better than being a pessimist.

Jaewon turns a corner and finds himself at his apartment complex. Thinking always makes the time go by faster. He goes inside and up the stairs before stopping at his own door and opening it.

Right at his doorstep as he walks in, is a white rectangle of paper. Upon closer inspection when he picks it up, Jaewon determines it’s an envelope, with a large red heart sticker placed on the other side.

He opens it nervously, hoping it’s not what he thinks it is. Alas, it is. 

Scribbled out drawing of a certain face litter the page, perhaps the sender was trying to illustrate someone but failed so many times they gave up. In the middle, in a peculiar, curly penmanship, are the words “I LOVE YOU”. The page also has dried red stains all over it, stains that were all too familiar to Jaewon. 

He had hoped the person writing this didn’t hurt themself too bad or accidentally bled onto the paper the first time, but the letters kept coming back the same. Yes, this is the third letter he had received so far. All of them were covered in red splotches, and had the same three words scrawled out in the middle, gradually getting bigger with each letter. Jaewon had gotten extremely concerned when he received the second one, even frightened. He had taken it to the police station to ask them to do something about this, but they had told him that if no one was hurt and it was just weird letters, they can’t do anything about it.

Jaewon lets the letter fall to the bottom of his wastebasket. It makes him sick. Regardless of how he feels about it, he needs to make dinner. He decides to put the matter out of his mind and goes to the kitchen to search the cupboards. 

_‘I guess they’re right,’_ He settles, _‘As long as no one is getting hurt, It’s fine. I’m fine.’_

***

The next morning, Jaewon opens his door to find another surprise. An even worse surprise. 

A hooded figure kneels in front of his door, placing an envelope in front of his door.

“Wha—!” Jaewon yelps, stepping back quickly. The hooded person shoots up, hiding their face and bolting away, down the stairs. Jaewon tries to drop his things and run after them, but as soon as he can manage to realize what’s going on, they’re already gone.

‘I...I guess I’ll just go to work. I sure hope they won’t come back again after that…’

  
  


  
Jun notices his friend isn’t his normal self as soon as he walks through the door. He likes to think of himself as an expert at reading people, but perhaps Jaewon’s just not good at hiding it from him, or doesn’t try to. 

“Hey.”

“Hey, Jun.”

He follows his friend into the changing room and asks, “Jaewon, what’s with the face? You look upset.”

“Well,” Jaewon sighs, sitting down, shoulders slumped, “For the past few weeks, I’ve been receiving letters. I don’t know where they’re from, and they’re all really weird. Just this morning I think I saw the person that keeps leaving them, but they got away before I could talk to them.”

“Did you tell the police?”

Jaewon’s voice lowers to a hesitant whisper, “I did but...they didn’t do anything about it. They said that it was just a few letters and I didn’t have any proof that the sender had bad intentions.”

Jun pauses for a moment, tapping his fingers on the wall in a rhythmic pattern and swinging a towel over his shoulder. 

“I can walk you to and from home when we have the same shift days, if you like. Not like I have much else to do, anyway.”

Jaewon looks up at him, eyes widening, “Would you really, Jun? Oh thank you! I’ll pay you, how much would you like?”

“No, you’re not paying me, I’m doing this as a favor.”

“O-Oh, well then,” Jaewon smiles, eyes crinkling a bit as he does, “Thank you Jun-ah!”

Jun reddens at the sight of him. Jeez. “Don’t call me that,” He states, walking out of the room and picking up a rag, “It’s fine.”

***

Junsu walks his friend home after both their shifts end and Jaewon locks up. Jaewon turns to wave bye at Jun as he walks into his apartment building, to which Jun waves back.

He watches him walk into the building with a concerned stare.

_‘He better not get into any trouble…’_

  
  


Jaewon, meanwhile, finds himself accidentally stepping on the letter that person dropped this morning.

“Oh.”

He picks up the envelope and examines it. It’s a lot heavier than normal. Maybe he should open it…

_‘It can’t really hurt, can it? It’s not like it’s going to hurt me.’_

He opens the envelope, and drops it from the force of his tearing of the seal, spilling its contents all over the floor. 

Photos spill out all over the floor, all pictures of Jaewon, in all the places he’s been to in the past 4 months.

“Oh my---”

Jaewon picks up all the photos, forcing himself not to look at them, and tosses them into his wastebasket along with yesterday’s letter before falling into his desk chair and burying his face in his open palms.

He’s got to do something about this. He had tried to doubt it before, tried to convince himself that everything was fine, just as the cops had said. It can’t be ignored anymore. There’s a possibility he’s in danger.

***

All the way across the busy city of Seoul, a person busies themself with making Neoguri, humming as they do. They’ve only got a tiny flat made for one that stinks and has roaches everywhere, but it’s fine. 

This person picks up their bowl of Neoguri and plops down on their sleeping mat.

Sure, this entire flat is disgusting, but there’s one thing beautiful that makes up for all of it.

**_Him._ **

They’ve got stuff they stole from his home, but it’s fine, they’ll be together soon and he’ll get it back when they are. The person looks over to the pile of things they’ve gathered. A purple hoodie, a bar of used soap, a used band-aid, and a spoon that remains unwashed. Oh, how he loves using those things, sharing his blood, his sweat, **_everything_ **.

A wide, maniacal grin spreads across their greasy face, eyes glossing over their favorite wall. Photos of Jaewon, all over it. At work. After work. Walking home. In the shower. Making dinner. Browsing the web. Sleeping. Walking to work. Even saying hi to his piece of shit coworker and those bastards that keep coming around to the Coffee temple. How dare they? Everyone’s trying to take him away.

  
 _‘No one is going to take him away. He’s_ **_mine_ ** _. I love him, more than anyone else does. I’ll do anything.’_


	10. take care of those you call your own and keep good company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongho, Minsoo and Daehyun go out for lunch. Dongho also experiences a rather crazy night and encounters someone he thought he'd never hear from again.

Wednesday morning isn’t Dongho’s favorite time of the week. Wednesdays overall aren’t really appealing at all anyway. The fact that it’s a morning makes it even worse. Well, there’s no changing that anyway. No use being over dramatic about it.

Dongho opens his passenger door and motions towards it, as if saying, “Go on, get in.”

“Thanks, hyung.” Daehyun tells him as he steps into the van. It’s fresh smelling and clean as always. Obviously Dongho washed the outside and vacuumed the floors recently. His hyung shuts the door after him and jumps in on the other side to start driving.

“So how was school?” Dongho asks him. Daehyun laughs.

“You sound like a parent when you say that,” He jokes, “But anyway, it was as normal as always, but I feel like I...I should probably drop out. Not because it’s too hard, it’s just a waste of money I don’t have and there’s no reason for me to be doing it, really. I’m not going to become some kind of interior designer or anything, you know?”

The other male nods, “Makes sense. You don’t want to waste money on things that aren’t necessary.”

A break in the conversation ensues. Daehyun picks up on the external sounds of the moments. The cars of the street. The quieted radio that just barely could be heard over the rumble of the van. It’s a nice day outside. Not so hot, but sunny. Perfect.

He looks at Dongho. A mix of indiscernible emotions on his face. He’s thinking of something, it’s pretty clear. He’s...an enigma of some sort, sometimes. Never talks about his feelings, really. Then again, neither does Daehyun, or Minsoo. Maybe it’s just the ‘tall, dark and handsome’ bias. No homo. Maybe. Either way, he’d probably even pay money just to take a look into his head. What goes on up there, Kang Dongho? Guess he’ll never know.

Doesn’t mean he won’t stop trying, though.

“Dongho, how’re you feeling? You’ve been looking a little off.”

“Huh? Oh...Uh, I saw something weird a little while ago. I just can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Oh, really?” Daehyun looks at him. Dongho, fazed by something he’s seen? “What’d you see?”

He takes a breath and accidentally presses the acceleration pedal too hard. That’s kind of concerning. 

Dongho clears his throat, “Remember that person that was always hanging around in the Coffee Temple? I saw them a few days ago. They...it looked like they were taking pictures of Jaewon. I told him about it and he thanked me but I don’t think he really did anything about it. I dunno, I’m just kind of worried about that.”

_ ‘That’s what’s got him so worried? How anticlimactic. Damn, I almost expected something exciting, like a body or something.’ _

Daehyun doesn’t speak these words to him. They’d probably come across as insensitive, even to someone as understanding as Dongho. Well, he really isn’t that understanding anyway, but he’s better than most people Daehyun knows.

“O-Oh...That’s...concerning. I hope he’s alright. That person better not do anything to him…”

Now that he thinks about it, it all makes sense. That person did nothing all day but stare at Jaewon, it seemed. If he’s taking pictures of him, it would only make sense that he was a stalker of some sort...Though that would be a terrible thing. Daehyun hopes, even though it is improbable, that it’s just a normal person that has an odd way of behavior. It’s too surreal to be true. Could they really be a criminal? Or is this just all some wild assumption conjured up from the depths of Dongho’s imagination? Daehyun really shouldn’t talk, he’s just the same, imagining scenarios deeper than real life.

“Yeah, I hope so too. I was telling Minsoo about it. He says that he thinks Jaewon’ll be alright, and if he isn’t...well, we know who to suspect. I remember what they look like. Anyway, we’re going to Lotteria, Minsoo’s going to meet us there. You went there last time with him, right?”

“No, that was McDonald. I like Lotteria too though.”

Dongho pulls into a parking lot and steps out of the car. Daehyun follows a couple seconds after. 

Minsoo’s sitting at a table inside. Once he spots his two bandmates and friends, he waves them over and gestures for them to sit with him. 

“Did you order for us?” Dongho asks, sliding into the red plastic seat opposite minsoo.

“Yeah, I did. So what’s up? What’s going on in your lives, eh?” Minsoo takes a sip of his glass of water. 

Dongho clicks his tongue in feigned annoyance, “So you ordered for us but didn’t get any drinks?”

“Well I don’t know what you want!”

  
“Whatever,” He says, getting up out of the chair once more, “I’ll get us something. Daehyun, what do you want to drink?”

“Water please. Here, 3,000 won. That’s enough, right?”

Dongho nods and goes to buy some drinks. 

“Anyway,” The brunet continues, “What’s been going on with ya? How are you doing?”

“Ah, nothing much. Well, actually...I’ve decided to drop out of college today. It’s just not for me, I guess.”

Minsoo nods and turns to look out the window, “Oh yeah? Well, if you have to, you have to. Besides, you’ve got Eunoia! We’ll always be here.”

“Yeah…” Daehyun trails off, smiling to himself. God, it feels so good to have people to call friends.

***

Later on in the day after their lunch outing, Dongho grabs his keys off the kitchen table.

“Yah, Minsoo, I’m going to the studio, I’ll be back later tonight.”

Minsoo, lying on the couch and flicking through random shows on Netflix, replies with a quick, “Aight, you have fun.”

Dongho leaves their place and gets into his car. As he’s jamming the key into the ignition, he remembers the Coffee Temple. Tonight sounds like a good night for a coffee. It’s not like coffee really helps him stay awake anyway, he’s drunk so much in his lifetime that caffeine no longer does wonders like it used to.

He parks a little while away from the Coffee Temple before going to the studio. Wouldn’t hurt to check if they’re still open.

_ ‘Ah, looks like they aren’t’ _ Dongho notes, seeing Jaewon walking out the front door after locking it. That’s too bad. Maybe he’ll come back tomorrow. Better get out of here before Jaewon sees him, that’ll be kind of embarrassing. 

Dongho begins walking back to his car. Then out of nowhere, he hears Jaewon’s voice. “Oh hi! The Coffee Temple’s closed right now, I just locked up, but we open again tomorrow morning at 7 AM! We’ll be happy to—”

_ ‘That’s odd. Why did he suddenly stop? And who was he talking to—Oh shit.’ _

Dongho turns around to check out the scene and understand what the hell he just heard.

Jaewon’s pinned to the wall by a figure, donning an oversized puffy coat that looked way too familiar to Dongho to ignore.

“H-Hey—! Ack!” Jaewon cries out, thrashing underneath the taller form’s weight as they apply their forearm to the smaller male’s neck, almost as if they’re choking him. Dongho watches in horror as Jaewon slowly stops struggling and falls limp. 

He’s not going to witness a murder today. Nope. Especially not Jaewon. Dongho doesn’t think he can handle that kind of guilt.

This person, instead of continuing to choke Jaewon as Dongho expected, lets go and heaves Jaewon over their shoulder. So not a murder, a kidnapping. Attempted kidnapping, as long as Dongho’s here. What a reckless person he is sometimes. Then again, what else are you supposed to do in this kind of situation?

“Hey!” He calls out, turning back to run towards this person, whom Dongho could now safely say was a stalker. Hopefully they’re not strong enough to run while carrying Jaewon, or else they’re both in trouble.

Thankfully, they aren’t. They jump in confusion and drop the unconscious man before bolting away, almost as if they tried to pretend they weren’t there at all.

Dongho sighs. Damn, what kind of situation did he get himself into now? He can’t just leave Jaewon there, what if that stalker comes back?

He does an awkward jog over to him and slides his arms underneath his upper back and knees, lifting him up and leaning his head against Dongho’s chest. 

_ ‘Hopefully he didn’t hit his head too hard. Oh God, please, please don’t let there be anyone out here to see this, I swear I’m not—’ _

“Oy, you! The hell are you doing with him?” A voice from behind him calls out.

_ ‘What the f...that sounds familiar. It sounds like…’ _

Dongho turns around. It’s Jun.

Jun, that little boy he had once known, the brother he had once taken care of, watched as he grew and missed when he spread his wings and left their family for good.

“Jun…?”

“What the fuck? Dongho? What the fuck are you doing here?”


	11. if i could only reach you, that would really be a breakthru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongho and Jun meet again on one of the craziest nights so far this year. It's been forever.

“So...This isn’t what it looks like. I’m trying to help him.”

Jun gives him a judging look and mutters, “Ok…?”

  
“Well what do I do??”

“Take him home,” Jun turns to leave, an almost disgusted look on his face, “I don’t know.”

Dongho readjusts his hold on the unconscious male in his arms and furrows his eyebrows, “Well then _help me_. My car’s over there”

Jun follows his brother back to his van and opens the backseat door for him. Dongho places Jaewon inside and walks over to the drivers side before pausing to call to Jun, who is now leaving, “Well get in, where do I take him? I assume you know where he lives?”

He sighs before getting into the backseat along Jaewon, glaring at Dongho as he does. Placing Jaewon’s head in his lap, he brushes away a strand of hair from his face and watches him silently. 

“Take a left right here.”

“Ok.”

Dongho begins the silent drive to Jaewon’s house. Thousands of questions weigh down on him as he goes. Why is Jun here? How do they know each other? Will he talk to me again, or will this end up like every other time I’ve tried to contact him?

“Uhm…So how d’you know him?”

“Coworker. And a friend.” Jun mumbles, looking out the window, “And you? What were you doing with him like that?”

“I—There was a person that knocked him out, the same guy that’s always in your coffee shop. I scared him away, and then you showed up...”

  
  


Jun hums but says nothing more

  
  


***

“Turn right here, he’s in that building.”

Dongho parks right outside the building. He clears his throat and gets out of the car, with Jun following just a few seconds after, carefully adjusting Jaewon so he’s sitting up and leaning against the car seat for an easy lift out of the car.

He moves out of the way and leaves a wide enough space for Dongho to swoop in and place Jaewon over his shoulder, all while maintaining his necessary two meter distance. Carrying the unconscious male and walking with a swift but steady gait, he makes his way to the entrance of the apartment building Jaewon was said to live in, with Jun following closely behind. 

“He’s on the third floor,” Jun gives the directions, and Dongho walks ahead of him. Once they arrive at his door, Jun carefully digs through Jaewon’s pocket and finds his keys. Just a simple ring of them with one keychain of a cat on it, presumably resembling an old pet he must’ve had before. 

“Just leave him on his bed.”

Jun follows as Dongho carries him in, lowering him from his shoulder to a bridal-style carry, all the way over to what seemed to be a full size bed, made neatly with smooth grey bed sheets and a silver comforter covering it all. Donghosets him down horizontally on the bed to move down the comforter before lifting him up again and laying him in bed.

Just as he brings the blanket to cover the smaller male’s body, he awakens.

“Dongho? Jun?”

_‘Ah shit.’_

Dongho stands up and backs away a bit, hoping that it’ll make it clear that he was indeed _not_ breaking into Jaewon’s home (at least not with ill intent). As much as he’d like to believe Jaewon was some kind, understanding person, he can’t afford to risk the chance that he’s a high-strung paranoid kind of person that thinks the worst of every situation.

“Oh—H-hey Jaewon. You...got into a little bit of a situation and you passed out earlier, so we,” Dongho turns around momentarily, hoping Jun was still behind him. He was.“We brought you home.”

Jaewon seems to be barely registering Dongho’s words. His eyes are squinting and probably stinging from the faint light of his hallway. 

“You..You did? Thank you...How...how do you guys know each other?”

Neither of the two speak. What kind of reply would they give? They weren’t friends, and neither were they strangers. The only connection they had was through blood and upbringing but...they really weren’t brothers anymore either. Nevertheless, Jun sighs and whispers a curt, yet gentle, “Brothers. I’ll see you tomorrow, Jaewon.”

He turns to leave the apartment, leaving Dongho to say a quick goodbye to an even more confused Jaewon before running out and calling after the other black haired man.

“Junsu.”

Jun doesn’t stop, even as he’s trying his best not to stomp down the staircase.

“Junsu!”

He doesn’t stop. Dongho dashes towards him and seizes his wrist right before he could get to the exit, earning a spiteful glare and a yank away from his grip, “Jun! Come on.”

“What?!”

He hardens his gaze and stares at the center of Jun’s forehead where he still had a scar from early childhood, using a trick he’d once learned from a psychological facts article many years ago.

“Jun, I want to talk to you. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you again. Please.”

He scoffs and begins leaving again, pushing the door open and entering the cold night air.

“I don’t want to talk, now leave me alone.”

“I don’t give a shit what you want. We can’t just leave this unresolved,” Dongho asserts, once again using the voice Jun hated so much because it sounded so much like their father’s, “Monday. I’ll meet you behind the Coffee Temple Monday. 7pm. Please.”

Jun turns and walks away, spitting out a sharp, “Fine.” and doesn’t look back.

***

Dongho sits in his car alone, not quite ready to leave. Jun’s changed so much. He’s grown taller, he’s gotten tattoos, and no longer wears that happy smile that used to always make Dongho feel better. How has it been three years already?

It was back when Dongho was just finishing up high school. He usually had a routine after school, consisting of homework, checking up on Jun, Piano lessons, Violin lessons, or some other kind of extracurricular he may have been forced to take.

Jun hadn’t been talking much to Dongho at all for the past few months. In fact, he had rarely left his room and always asked for dinner to be served to him inside. Dongho had begun to become concerned about this, similarly to the way his parents should’ve. He couldn’t bear to just sit by and watch Jun become a hermit, no matter how much he loved to see him do what he likes.

Dongho had gone up once again to his sibling’s room to check up on him. He barely ever heard from Jun, only ever seeing him in the mornings before school. He knocks on his door. No answer.

“Jun?” 

Opening the door, he finds an empty room. What the hell?

There’s a post-it note on his empty desk. Looks like it’s made to be read as a note from Jun to whoever sees this. That’s worrying.

On the note, he reads:

“I’ve gotten an apartment in Seoul. Don’t expect me back again. Don’t bother texting or calling.”

Dongho can feel the blood drain from his face.

_‘Oh my God, he ran away.’_

He can only hope he was right about getting an apartment. Picturing Jun as a begging teen on the streets of Seoul, alone...Especially with all those kinds of people out there. It’s painfully frightening to him.

He pulls out his phone and presses ‘call’ on Jun’s contact. Jun was there this morning, he couldn’t have changed his phone number already.

Thankfully, after a few seconds, Dongho hears a voice pick up on the other side.

“Jun? Junsu, where the hell are you?!”

“I knew you’d do this. Dongho, don’t call me again. I’m done.”

And with three short rings, he hangs up.

  
  


Dongho doesn’t know what to do. He sits down on Jun’s bed and tries to calm his breathing. What would their father think of this? It was his responsibility to keep Jun from getting into trouble, and he’s failed. And Jun, why, oh why, would he leave like this? Part of Dongho wants to believe that it’s a phase, that he’ll come back, and that none of this has anything to do with him and stems from some other unknown motive. The other half recognizes how bad they’ve fucked up, especially Dongho himself.

He’s known, for the past few years, how different Jun was from him. Dongho and Jun were both men with creative inclination, a longing to make, to produce and create for the world. Dongho, growing up as the eldest child, was the responsible one that was forced to always, always put his duties before anything else. This was ingrained in his head from the youngest age, and could never be overwritten. Jun on the other hand, was the younger brother that had never had to worry about those things. Dongho had aimed to help Jun cultivate his artistic skills as he grew, but instead ended up driving him away from this very goal, all because of his own fear of his parents.

So even when he asked himself, “Was it all my fault? Did I do this to him?” 

He had known the answer. He’d always known. Just was afraid to admit it.


	12. you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from some terrible lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongho and Jun meet again. Is it his fault? He'll never know for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY I'VE GOT CHAPTER 12 DONE HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA HERE YOU GO BBYS I LUV YA

Out into the cold air, Dongho rises. It’s Monday, time to go. He silently makes his way to the back of Coffee Temple, hastening and eager to meet his brother as quick as he can

His stomach is practically doing flips. The familiar nausea begins to develop within him, the same kind that he had always felt in his youth when his father would come calling, asking if he’s finished all he has to do for the week. But this kind of thing, he won’t try to avoid. He’s the one that wanted this, he’s the one that should be commanding the atmosphere. It’s time.

Behind the Coffee Temple is a garbage bin. Perfect place to talk to Jun without Jaewon finding out he’s there. There’s no need to get him involved. Dongho moves to peek inside the back door of the building, hoping that he’d be lucky enough, for once, to see Jun perhaps cleaning or restocking at just the right time.

As it is, he’s unlucky enough. Thankfully, today decided to be kind to him. Jun’s opening up a box, a fixed and focused disgruntled look on his face. Dongho clears his throat.

Junsu looks to the door, perhaps knowing exactly what to expect but still hoping that it wouldn’t be that, not yet. Alas, it is. His gazes catches Dongho wandering by the door, leaning a bit to barely look into the room. It’s just Jun in there, Jaewon’s cleaning up the counter out front.

He makes eye contact with his brother, not even bothering to nod to let him know that he’ll be right out. Dongho sighs, walking away from the door, back to the dumpster. His nose wrinkles in slight disgust, noting the toxic scent of the dumpster’s jungle juice and a couple day’s worth of old trash.

Soon, the door opens once more and out walks Jun with an old box filled with trash from the half a day the Coffee temple has been open. He tosses it into the dumpster, moving sharply, his tense shoulders limiting any possible fluid movement that might hint at any relief from the discomfort that Dongho’s sensing.

“Hurry up, Jaewon thinks I’m just throwing out the trash.” He quips, crossing his arms.

Dongho almost flinches at the bite in his words. This’ll be hard to fix. Taking a quick deep breath, he begins.

“Jun..” 

The other man raises an eyebrow, already unimpressed.

“I know you don’t want anything to do with us, and….That mom and dad haven’t really been family to you at all—”

“Damn right about that.” The other male scoffs

“...Jun...You have every right to not want to be related to them, to me, but...Please. I just want us to move past this. We’re brothers, man, I did everything I could to be a good hyung to you as a kid, we already have a broken family, at least _we_ can have a good relationship! I just…” Dongho pauses, not daring to look up into Jun’s face yet, “I just...I never knew where this all came from.”

He looks down, anxiously awaiting Junsu’s response. Would he understand? Could he understand? It can’t just be the end of this, it’s just not...Not possible.

“So you want me to just _—forget_ about how you went along with everything they said? How you had been _so_ supportive in secret but as soon as those assholes walked into the room you switched up and acted like _I was the weird one_?! You always let them tell me how terrible I was and never even said shit to defend me? You’re a coward, Dongho. You valued your own damn protection over my mental health. And you call that being a good older brother?”

Dongho winces. Of course. He’d be able to handle this, he even expected it. It’s the next thing Jun says that hurts him the most.

“When will you get it into your head that I don’t want anything to do with you guys anymore?”

It stabs him in a tender part of his soul. All that love he had for his brother, after all these years, those times that he knew he failed Jun and all those times he knew he was there for him…It’s deserved, perhaps. 

Dongho mumbles to the other man, gaze downcast, “...then at least...for Jaewon’s sake...i won’t try to talk to you anymore but when we happen to be in the same room, we can at least be civil.”

Jun pauses for a second, contemplating. “Fine.” He sneers, his hair flowing as he turns on his heel and strolls back inside the Coffee Temple.

Watching him go, the elder releases a deep breath he had been holding. Well...that’s it, isn’t it?

He walks back to his van, getting in and rubbing his face wearily before letting his forehead rest (more like push) against the steering wheel. For a moment, just for a moment, he relaxes. Soon enough his forehead becomes sore, and he moves to let his cheek press against the wheel instead, lifting his top lip the slightest bit.

He sighs again. It’s too easy to remember those days, back when Jun was just an adventurous little kid, barely beginning to explore the world. He was always so curious, so cheerful, so innocent. And now look, because of Dongho and ~~their~~ his parents. 

Dongho himself knows the reality. He can’t pretend he wasn’t an almost equal part in the problem, as if he hadn’t been just as detrimental to Jun’s growth too. The thought of ever disobeying his parents, even speaking a word in retaliation paralyzed him. What would they do, if he ever even tried to push back on the walls of obligation? So he heeded their call, prostrating for them and letting the heavy hand of so-called ‘discipline’ 

Yes, it’s true. “Best big brother Dongho” isn’t a title he deserves, expects, or should expect, in practically any aspect. He was a coward. But did his failure warrant this hate, this fury? All his life he had spent raising Jun, helping him explore his creativity in ways Dongho never was able to. He was always there for him, at least as much as his fear allowed him. 

Jun doesn’t owe him a friendly relationship, he knows this. He hadn’t been enough of a supportive figure to receive the due credit one would dedicate to someone under that sort of title, but...He’s done his best. He’s worked hard for Jun, and honestly, he doesn’t believe he should feel the brunt of Jun’s hate towards anything “Kang”. 

All he wants is someone else to call a family, someone else that would love him no matter what he decided to be. At least Jun had that. 

And he’s glad. He’s so, so happy for his brother, even though he doesn’t seem to understand just what impact Dongho has had on him all this time. Even now, all he sees is the “You weren’t there for me” and “I hate you” that his shadows told him to see. But is there anything he can do to change this?

_‘No.’_ The voice in the back of Dongho’s head whispers, _‘You don’t even know how much you opinion mattered to Jun. Every time you’d pretend to be against him, he’d take it to heart. This is your fault.’_

Perhaps it’s true. No, not perhaps. It’s true. Dongho’s only trying to make himself feel better, and Goddammit, hasn’t he had enough? He’s the one that helped Jun become less like himself, and more of what he had once wanted to be. Free.

Isn’t he happier now, after leaving the old life of “Kang”? Sure, he had been through it all, the hatred, the shunning, the judgemental glances. But that’s exactly what got him out here. Wouldn’t he rather be a barista at his best friend’s cafe than be trapped in the world of “Kang” as a money-obsessed yappie, just like dear old Mom and Pop? 

Damn. Dongho’s doing it again, talking like he’s the reason Jun is where he is now. He’s only confusing himself, convoluting the truth and twisting everything around to make him feel better. He hasn’t grown, has he? Still the same old shrewd Kang Dongho, manipulation extraordinaire. At least he can recognize it.

And all this talk about Jun, about his family, it’s ruining everything. Too much to lose and not enough to be gained. He has to stop. Maybe he shouldn’t try to reach out to him again, he’s a grown adult now for fuck’s sake.

And yet he still can’t forget about him. _Fuck._

_‘I need to stop’_ Dongho coughs into his sleeve, finally ready to begin his drive home, _‘He’s not going to come back.’_

Dongho sniffs. Not now, please not now. Minsoo’s expecting him home soon, he’s—

“He’s not going to come back, dammit…” Dongho’s voice cracks, trailing off as hot tears begin to prick the corners of his eyes, “Fuck!”

It’s best he lets that boat sink now, before he gets dragged down with it.


	13. but life still goes on, i can’t get used to living without you by my side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongho remembers the past on his couch, even though he understands that he shouldn't. He's known that he had it coming, and it happened, so what else is there to say now"?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy!! Comments are always appreciated <3 if you please

Minsoo walks into the living room, searching. He’s sure he left his airpods somewhere open, he hadn’t been sitting on the couch at all earlier, so it couldn’t have fallen in the cracks...or could it? Maybe he left them there accidentally, but can’t recall. He goes to check it anyway.

“Get up,” the male calls to Dongho, who was resting on the couch laying with the back of his hand resting on his forehead, shielding him from the light overhead, “I think i left my airpods on th—What’s with you?”

Dongho doesn’t respond. He’s tired, it seems, as his eyes struggle to keep open, and a buildup of faint tears from lack of sleep gloss over his eyes. Minsoo takes a seat on the armrest of the chair by his legs, crossing his arms,

“What’s up, man? You look upset.”

“There’s nothing wrong.” Dongho mumbles, not sparing a glance in Minsoo’s direction.

Of course, there he goes again trying to shut people out. Minsoo would say it’s annoying, but really he doesn’t mind it. That’s what friends are for, right? To comfort, to guide, to help you. It’s a work in progress.

“Don’t try and bullshit me hyung,” He rolls his eyes, hinting at a bit of irritation(?) in his delivery, “I know when something’s wrong with you.”

Dongho takes a deep breath, but doesn’t reply. It’s expected, of course.

“Dongho, I’ve known you for like half your life, you’re not going to trick me. Come on and tell me already.”

Again, he sighs. How hard is it for him to just say it? It’s not like Minsoo’s some rando asking him how he’s doing. They have history, years worth of memories. Shit, it kinda makes Minsoo feel bad, as if they’re not as close as he thought they were.

“It’s just Jun.”

The brunet’s head shoots up to look at him. So he’s not always Mr. tough guy now, is he? But it’s the same problem as last time, when he caught Dongho sobbing to himself in the bathroom when he thought Minsoo wasn’t home. He would have thought they’d make at least  _ some  _ progress after all this time.

“Dongho...I know you don’t have the best relationship with him but...You need to fix this. You guys are brothers….Remember Minsung? How I used to always fight with him and he stole my song once? I was mad at him for years before we made up. I know what it’s like, and it’s not just going to end like this, you’re family.”

With quick, jerky movements, Dongho yanks his arm off his face and sits up, suddenly aggravated. He glares at Minsoo, a powerful fury behind his eyes, piercing through Minsoo, sending him into a cold shiver. Without missing a beat, he responds.

“It’s not going to end like this? Minsoo, the problem Jun and I have isn’t some petty thing like that. I’m sorry, but you’re not helping me. I’ve tried all I can to get him to talk to me again already, I just have to face it, he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I’m not going to try to bother him again just because I want a relationship.”

Minsoo pauses, not saying a word. Dongho’s probably right, he doesn’t have a place to talk about brotherly relations when he and Minsung never had anything  _ close _ to what Dongho and Jun did.

“Well...If I can’t help you, then find a way to help yourself. I know you’re feeling upset right now, and that’s fine but...You can’t just let this control you. You’ll have to either fix the problem or get over it. It’s just the way it is hyung.”

Silence.

Then comes a quiet, subdued “I know.”

The shorter male sighs and gets up. “I’m going to the store.” He mutters, picking up his keys and closing the door with something short of a slam, just without the swinging.

Dongho leans back again, relaxing his shoulders when he hears the click of the front door.

Minsoo might be mad, but that’s not his problem right now. He leans back again, hoping to clear his mind and achieve some much-needed peace.

Of course, Dongho being Dongho, he can never have peace. A memory soon seeps into his mind, manifesting itself and becoming whole before he can stop it.

It was back in the days of his early youth. Jun was only six years old, and Dongho ten. He had been watching his younger brother in his room, letting him play and paint on leftover scraps of paper he had gotten from school. He’d go and sit with him for a little bit, ask him what he’s drawing, mess around with him for a bit, and then get back to work. These were always the nicest afternoons, the calmest of calm for him.

“Junnie-ah,” Dongho whispers, looking over the small boy’s shoulder to peer at the mess of color he made on Dongho’s graph paper, “What are you making?”

“A starburst. I like these colors.”

“Nice starburst, bro. Which one’s your favorite color?”

“Umm,” Jun looks up, the cogs in his head turning, trying to decide the answer. He seemed to have never thought about it before.

“Green. The dark green, that one,” He points to a bottle of opened paint on the side, titled ‘Olive’. Dongho nods, seeming to be greatly interested in what Jun would say, “What’s your favorite color, hyung?”

“Me? Well, I don’t have a favorite, I just—”

“Dongho.” A voice cuts the atmosphere, sharp as a knife. A tall, austere looking woman strolls in, one hand gently placed on her hip, posture perfect, face perfect. Of course, his mother.

“What are you doing? You’re making a mess all over the floors, do you know how much trouble Rey goes through just to keep this damn house clean? I’m going to have to start paying her double.”

Dongho winces, cowering under her gaze, his gaze downcast and tense. Jun watches him, curious. He doesn’t know, quite yet, what it is exactly that paralyzes his hyung so, what kind of fear blooms within him from just ten years worth of conditioning, lecturing, molding into somebody fit to rule over Kang Industries.

“Throw away those things and clean this up,” Mother scowls, waving her hand as if it would somehow instantly wipe the mess away, “Tell Jun not to waste his time, it’s unproductive. And by the way, I came to tell you that your piano lesson is going to start at four this time, not three.”

Dongho had only known one possible response to his mother throughout his youth. Always obedient, always, “Yes mother” or “I will, father.” with not a single ounce of any desire to rebel. He was, in the words of his doting aunts, “A perfect, well-behaved little boy.”, a joy to anyone near.

And _ God _ , he knows how much it hurts being perfect.

There had come another time, years later, after Jun had passed his years of earlier childhood. It started when he was 11. 

Day after day, he’d spend hours in his room doing something. Dongho had often come to him in the in-between hours, when he’d be going to the bathroom or heading to school. He’d ask, “What are you doing in your room, Jun?”, and each and every time, without a stutter or hesitation, Jun would answer with an “I’m doing homework!”, or something along those lines.

Of course, Dongho started becoming suspicious. Not that Jun was doing anything wrong or possibly illegal, Jun knows better, but rather that...well, he didn’t know. It just seemed weird, that was for certain.

About a year passed for them, pretty calmly indeed. Then one day in early February of the next year, Jun had dragged his older brother to his room out of the blue, asking him to help print something out.

Of course, Dongho agreed, assuming that it was an assignment of some sort. That is, until Jun stapled it, put it in a sleeve, and handed it back.

“Jun?”

“Happy early 16th birthday, hyung-o. I wrote it all myself. Don’t tell mom.”

After a full two minutes spent staring at Jun, shocked and dazed by the fact that he wrote an  _ entire book himself _ , Dongho thanked him and gave him a hug (which he hadn’t really appreciated much, but accepted nevertheless) before taking it to his room to read that night.

In fact, he had barely slept at all, just to stay up reading. It was the story of two women, lovers but trapped under the overwhelming weight of their parent’s disapproval, so obsessed with splitting them up that their only parents wed, making them step sisters, but before they could go through with the plan the two women ran away together to Denmark, where they could live free and unbothered by the influence of the outside world.

And truly, it was amazing. 

Of course Dongho knew he’d be exhausted the next morning, but did he care? Hell no! The mere fact that Jun had spent so long working on this for him could keep him alive and well for days straight. The next morning, he’d be able to tell him that he read the whole book in one night!

But of course, it was not to be.

He had been woken up to the maid, Rey, shaking him awake.

“Dongho, your father is calling for you, get up.”

Shit. He knew what this was about. He had slept through his alarm, and his alarm clock read in glaring red numbers, ‘11:47’. He’s dead.

Walking into his father’s office, he noticed two things. First was Jun, standing by his father’s desk, his head down and eyes hidden. The second…

Jun’s story.

Father held it in his hands, the usual cold and unsmiling aura surrounding him. Shit. How did he find out?

The afternoon had passed by painfully slow. Father questioned him, pressed him to tell ‘what the hell this is’.

And of course, it didn’t take any time for Dongho to crack. After all, he was weak, scared, frightened, even through all this training he was forced through to become the perfect son, assertive and intelligent. 

Father had fed the pages through the shredder, scoffing at the “ridiculousness” of the situation. “Where did you get this from, Junsu?” He had asked.

“I wrote it. It’s mine!”

Dongho winces at Jun’s exclamation. Of course, he’s always been the braver child, but can’t he at least be aware that if  _ Father knows _ —

“Dongho,” Father orders, his tone as cold as ice, “I want you to delete this...this story. Get rid of it. Now” He snaps, shooing the two of them today

But—

_ But—! _

“F-Father, Jun’s spent a lot of time and put all his effort into writing this, I’ve read it and even I think it’s good enough to even be publi—”

“Did I ask you what you thought? I said to delete it.”

Oh. Dongho nods hesitantly, and says nothing more, leaving the room. Jun comes trailing behind, suddenly realizing exactly what he’s done.

“H-Hyung, you’re not going to…?”

“I’m sorry Jun, I have to. Father told me to. I’m sorry.”

He makes his way into Jun’s room, quickly trying to escape the pleading boy.

_ ‘Please, please don’t make this harder, Jun, please—’ _

“Hyung no! Please Dongho please don’t get rid of it, I worked so hard on it, please! We can hide it, please don’t get rid of it.” The younger male cries, pulling at his sweater and begging him to stop.

Of course, he can’t.

  
Dongho drags the file to the recycle bin and empties it. It’s all gone. 

He’ll never forget looking back to Jun, looking into his eyes and seeing him, a painted picture, a heartbroken pool of emotion, of hate. Hate towards him.

Dongho wasn’t prepared to deal with this at the time. He quickly exits the room, whispering a heartfelt, “I’m so sorry, Jun.” as he leaves.

Later on in the day, he had tried knocking on his door, whispering apologies and offering to go dig through the old versions saved on Word, just in case it might still be there.

And of course, nothing. Jun never talked to him the same after that. Nor did he ever write, draw, create, anything at all. At least, he never let Dongho know about it.

And it’s at this moment while he’s draped over his and Minsoo’s couch, remembering the past life he once had, that he realizes.

That was the day that Dongho had officially become just like their parents to Jun. No longer was he  _ best hyung-o _ , just Jun’s elder brother, Kang Dongho.

Hot tears prick at his eyes, threatening to fall once more. But he won’t cry. He can’t cry. It’s foolish to continue living in the past like this, wondering whether life would be better had he stood up to his parents. 

He’s got his future, he’s got a whole life, a career, his friends, all here for him. It’s time Dongho forget about Jun and focus on today, on tomorrow. There’s no going back for him. Not for him, not for anyone.


	14. i've fallen in love for the first time, this time i know it's for real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minsoo finds something new in the company of his bandmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone!! I know that it isn't new years yet, but I'm sure many of you will be reading it afterwards. I hope 2021 for you all is amazing and filled with luck!!! I love you all, and thank you so much for reading! <3
> 
> Also, super important! I'm going to start linking the Lost in Translation Fic Discord, for anyone that hasn't joined! I look forward to seeing if any of you guys will join! Please do hehe :3 we love having new people join. The link will be posted at the end of every chapter! As long as i can remember kjhdfhakd

12:43. Minsoo’s an hour early. Ah, shit.

He leans back into the cold park bench, sneezes and wipes his face with the arm of his sleeve. Oh shit, he’s bouncing his leg. Another bad habit he'll have to get rid of.

Looks like he’d have about an hour to kill before Dae is supposed to show up. Oh well, good thing he downloaded a couple mobile games about a week ago. He had promised Dae Mcdonald after losing a bet over something or other a couple months ago, and is just now being charged appropriately. 

Minsoo looks over to the side, his ears pricking up at the sound of high pitched squealing. Pigs? No, children. Eh, no difference. There’s only five kids on the playground at the moment. Three on the main structure, taking turns at looping the slides still wet from last night’s rain (speaking of that, his ass is wet, he barely noticed), and the other two pushing each other on the swings.

Minsoo smiles. The two on the swings seemed to be related, due to the physical similarities (then again, don’t all kids really look the same?) and their calling mother from the side, telling the taller one to slow down with the shorter one, or else he’ll end up falling off. He chuckles.

It’s almost like watching a memory, back when he’d beg Minsung to push him on the swings and make friends on the playground.

Ah, Minsung. An old portrait of his brother from back when Minsoo was still young fills his mind. He wonders, is that photo still on his elder brother’s nightstand back at home? Probably.

Kind of funny how he’s suddenly thinking of siblings now, just a few days since Dongho had his little situation with Jun. Minsoo doesn’t know much about his family life, but he does know how much Dongho regrets whatever he did to make Jun hate him so much. Badly. Of course, he’s told him that if Jun doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore he should just leave it all alone, but he’s not sure whether Dongho was listening or not. Whatever, it’s not his concern.

In the small moment he took to look at the kids playing together, memories started to resurface. Of course. He begins to recall the days where his family would take him and Minsung to Lotte world once a month or so. How fun it used to be, with Minsung always forcing him on every single ride, and little Minsoo being terrified to death every time a mascot would walk by.

They used to play video games together too, whether it was Left 4 Dead or Minecraft. But the worst one was the age old classic, Mario Kart. He smiles to himself, remembering the smug look on Minsung’s face every time he’d beat him. And of course Minsoo, being the crazy kid he was, used to bite the controller in rage, sometimes even directing his anger towards his brother and punching him before his mom would come in and drive the two away from each other’s throats.

Ahh...Minsung. He always seemed to be above Minsoo, always better than him, whether it was with friends, grades, or even video games. It’s one of the main reasons he had grown to want more. He strived to improve, to become more social, more academic, and overall aimed to surpass his brother.

There was once a point in Minsoo’s life where he enjoyed the spotlight and desperately wanted to become an idol. It’s only funny now, looking back on what Minsung did about this. Maybe he had been trying to prove a point to him or something, because Minsoo had never known him to be one that liked dancing. Somehow he heard about Minsoo’s dream, and decided to run ahead of the game and become a trainee first. A dick move, definitely. Of course, Minsoo being the way he is, was furious. He eventually quit looking for companies to join after a long time of still desperately searching. 

Not a day more than two weeks after Minsoo’s last audition, Minsung got kicked out of the trainee program. He had teased and bullied his older brother over this for a full year afterwards. Minsoo laughs, recalling Minsung’s agitated face every time he’d mention his failure. Perhaps that was a bit of a dick move too. What if that was Minsung’s dream too?

Of course, as the years progressed, things changed. They had been drifting away, slowly but surely. With all the new responsibilities, friends, situations, on top of learning how to transition into adulthood, there wasn’t much room for bonding between him. Minsoo’s not one to regret, but if he were, it would definitely be how little time he spent with Minsung before he headed off to college.

Ah, college. The years had passed so quickly, and eventually he got into a university somewhere on the east coast of the United States, left home and…

That was it. Minsoo can still remember the last day he saw Minsung, sharing a hug and waving goodbye from the train station as he watched his hyung’s face drift farther and farther away, and out of his life.

The air around Minsoo turns cold, and his face falls, a thick, stale and somber mood befalling him. He just had to start reminiscing, didn’t he? Out of nowhere, a bright voice interrupts him.

“Hyung? You ok?”

There he is. Daehyun. The much-taller male walks towards him, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his hair bouncing a tiny bit with each step. He seems to be concerned. Of course he’d be, seeing Minsoo spacing out like that on a bench.

“Yeah...I’m good.” the brunet mumbles, crossing his arms and looking to the side.

Dae is silent. Minsoo almost begins to worry that he possibly offended the other man until he strolls over and slides down to sit next to him, crossing his legs and looking straight up at the sky.

“You look sad. You can always tell me, hyung. I’ll always listen to you, even if it’s something really bad, and I’ll do my best to understand you, help you, if you want.” He tells him, speaking in a soft, clear and empathetic voice. How sweet.

Of course, Minsoo’s never been one to give up a chance to talk about himself, honestly, so he nods. Daehyun welcomed him to in the first place anyway.

“Well,” Minsoo hesitates, fidgeting with his hoodie strings, “I was just thinking about my older brother. His name was Minsung, and...he died a while ago. It’s been a long time already, I’m over it. I just miss him.”

Daehyun hums at hearing these words, and Minsoo turns to him. There’s an unreadable expression on his face (which startled the brunet, seeing as how Dae was always an open book to him.), and he seems to be in some sort of contemplation. Minsoo watches him, studies him, interested in what it is exactly that’s running through his head.

Then he clears his throat, and begins. “I see. I haven’t ever had someone close to pass away yet, but I know it’s normal to feel the way you do.” Daehyun smiles gently, “You’re not alone Minsoo. If you ever need anybody to talk to, I’m here.”

Oh.

Minsoo’s throat constricts as he swallows the lump in his throat. 

_ Oh. _

Daehyun leans over to hug him, sending a burst of adrenaline through the elder male. What the heck was that?! Then Minsoo’s face begins to flush red, heating up quickly as Dae lets him bury his nose in his shoulder. This can’t be what he thinks it is. Hell no.

But...Just look at Dae. He’s so kind, so sweet, a truly compassionate person. He never does these kinds of things for his own personal gain, he does them because he wants to, because he’s truly motivated by the thought of making his hyung feel better.  _ God _ , it...

Can this be what he thinks it is? Could it really?

Minsoo almost feels the urge to shake his head. To rid himself of this feeling, this ridiculous thought. 

_ ‘Nah,’ _ he tells himself, resisting a cough,  _ ‘this is probably some weird one-time thing. I’ll be over it tomorrow.’ _

Daehyun releases Minsoo from the tight grasp he had held him in and jumps up, stretching his arms and legs.

“Come on hyung!” He exclaims, stretching out his hand to help Minsoo with getting up. The other male gladly takes it and pulls himself up, a grin slowly creeping onto his face to mimic Dae’s.

“Now let’s go get some boba tea, I’ll treat you!”

“I thought we were going to McDonald? It was a part of the bet.”

“Nah, I want boba tea. I’m not really that hungry.” Daehyun laughs.

And looking into his deep, dark brown eyes, Minsoo could almost swear he saw something, a trace of some sort of feeling, dare he say, admiration. 

No, he doesn’t dare. It’s fine, he’s just tricking himself. He’ll be over this feeling soon, by tomorrow. He’s sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord Link](https://discord.gg/rsg4KzydgJ)


	15. nothing 'ere need come between us tell me love, what do you say?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minsoo comes clean. And what a good decision that was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The new year's first fic update! And on January 1 no less :3 I can't wait to see what the future has in store.

Of course, Minsoo’s feelings did not fly away and disappear the next morning. In fact they only grew, multiplied, came crashing down on him thrice as hard, whatever you may want to call it. Fact is, it got worse. Not objectively, of course, there’s no real qualifying of your feelings. Then again, Minsoo doesn’t necessarily consider this to be _bad_ , does he? Maybe. It’s not clear.

After a little while (perhaps about a week?) Minsoo had figured out what it was. Yes, it’s true, he has a crush, but it’s not that bad! It’ll definitely go away within the month, right? 

And then it didn’t. Shit. Well, what does he do now? Minsoo had absolutely no clue. At least, until one night spent entirely awake, tossing and turning. His mind was relentless with the incessant buzz and the image of Daehyun that filled his mind and _refused to leave_ (as he’d imagine his real friend probably would) until he fully acknowledged what he had to do.

He’s seen all those dramas before, all about how the main characters would do their own tossing and turning, pining for their true loves or whatever bullshit that was. Of course, they’d spend forever skirting around the truth, finding themselves in misunderstandings and all that shit, only for them to FINALLY get together, and then get broken up again, and then get together, and all that shit.

And honestly, Minsoo’s got no time to be doing that. Life is too short to just dance around nervously, hoping the other person somehow happens to make the first move. It’s not going to happen like that, he knows. So what solution does he have to his problem? It’s simple.

You confess first. Holy shit. That means he’s going to have to actually _tell_ Dae that he likes him? Oh my _God_. 

_‘That’ll be sooo weird,’_ He groans, rubbing his oily face and scratching a spot of dead skin off his nose, _‘But I gotta do it, huh?’_

There’s no getting around it. They’re only just starting out as a reformed Eunoia right now, they don’t even have their own album yet. No one knows who Eunoia is yet, and he’d rather get rejected now when they’re all nobodies than have it happen when they’ve made it big. That would be detrimental to everything he’s worked so hard for this past decade or so.

And so he made up his mind. He’ll tell Dae about his feelings (since they just _refuse_ to leave). If he hates him and leaves, good riddance, fuck homophobes. If he loves him, that’s amazing, they can be together and all that sappy shit. If he just goes ‘Uhh ok thanks but nah’ then...Well, he’ll just have to deal with it. According to Rocketman, Elton John did that too, right?

***

It’s another Tuesday. Dae’s not busking anymore and it’s a day off for Eunoia, so that leaves plenty of time to do something and somehow confess his feelings, right? Fuck, he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

The sun is kind to him today at least. It’s gentle, casting a brilliant ray onto his face and highlighting the shadows of his face and bringing out the glow of his skin and barely noticeable makeup, used to cover and touch up each “imperfection” and bringing out his “assets”. The sky is clear, the air’s cool, and the street is pretty bare, but not so empty that it feels deserted.

Right in front of him is a restaurant, small and run down. Huh. Looks crappy. Soon enough, Daehyun comes running out of the building, laughing and scrambling to shove all his things in his backpack.

“Dae!”

  
“Hyung! Thanks for picking me up,” He tells the shorter male, stepping into the van as Minsoo holds open the door for him, “Where are we going?”

“We’re going to go eat. At an actual _restaurant_ this time.” Minsoo chuckles.

Daehyun smiles, his eyes curling as they usually do when he’s resisting a laugh, “But we’re already here at a restaurant!”

“I mean a good restaurant Dae! To be honest this place kind of looks...I don’t know.”

“Have you been inside?” Dae inquires, tilting his head.

“Well no—”

“Then you can’t say if it’s good or not! Then again I can’t either because I’m not a cook.”

The two laugh together, enjoying the comfort of the soft rumbling van as it goes, turning smooth corners and navigating through fine, sudden traffic. The car ride is pretty much perfect, in Minsoo’s opinion. He even got to listen to all his favorite songs in a row on the way.

After a good fifteen minutes, Minsoo parks his car, gets out, and makes his way round to open the door for Dae.

“Thank you, my chauffeur!” Daehyun giggles as Minsoo loops an arm around his and leads him to the entrance. The brunet blushes.

“Oh shut up. Come on, they’ve got good pizza.”

As the smiling hostess leads them over to their table, Minsoo feels the nerves begin to creep up on him. Dammit, he’s Lee Minsoo! He’s not supposed to get nervous. All day had been going just perfect for him, from the vibes to his makeup to the weather, how could his emotions screw this up for him now?

_‘But your emotions are what make it worthwhile,’_ A foreign voice tells him, _‘You’ll look back on this day and smile, even if you get rejected. It’s natural.’_

“You ok, hyung? You look off.” Daehyun asks him, raising an eyebrow and the hostess leads them to an empty booth.

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for asking, Dae.”

The two settle into their seats, ready to begin their meal experience.

“What can I get you two to drink?” beams the hostess. Quite unnatural, but comforting. Minsoo answers with a simple, “Lemon ice tea.” while Daehyun asks for an orange soda.

“So…” Minsoo hesitates, struggling to decide where he wants to begin first. This’ll be harder than he thought, “Do you think pineapple goes on pizza or nah?”

Out of all the possible answers Dae could have given him, Minsoo certainly did not expect the one he got. The taller male burst out laughing, accidentally spitting out his drink and choking on it. Minsoo slaps his back a couple times to help the coughing, all the while confused as to why he got such a reaction out of Daehyun like that.

And of course, again, he feels his face warming, flushing and red. Why the hell is he like this? Minsoo never blushes! Usually!

“Alright Sooie, what’s up? You’re being more weird than usual today.”

“What? Wh-What do you mean?”

Shit. Imagining this scenario before bed had been so easy in Minsoo’s head before. He thought it’d be at least a bit similar in real life, but fuck no, it is not. Not at all.

But that’s the whole point of this outing! He can’t just back out now! He won’t back out, not now, not in a million years.

“Well, um…You see—”

“Come on just tell me, there’s obviously something and I’m dying to know! Tell me.”

“Oh alright, fine,” Minsoo blurts out, and before he knows that his mouth is moving, he’s already told it all, “I love—no not love, sorry, not love, I like you. In a romantic kind of way. I like you, Dae.”

It’s funny how quickly Daehyun’s response came. Usually in the books and stuff, they’d say that “those few seconds felt like the longest of my life” or something like that. Makes you feel all dramatic and shit, but really, it’s not that deep. Dae smiles at him. That seems to be a good thing, what now?

“Hmm…” He lays his chin in his palm and smirks at his hyung, in that special, mischievous Daehyun way, “You know what? I think I like you too.”

The words don’t seem to reach Minsoo’s head just right. He laughs nervously, almost giddily, and sighs, “Oh, really! Ok...Wow. Wait, you said you like me too?”

“Yes!” Daehyung cackles, his face reddening and his smile spread into a wide grin, so wide you could practically see some kind of dimples on his cheeks.

“Oh!” Minsoo smiles, and begins to laugh along.

“Oh so now you’re happy, huh? You’re so funny, hyung!”

“Shush, I was just surprised! How could a guy like you be into someone like me?”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Dae leans back, crossing his arms and smirking, “You know how many people would kill to be with you? Me included?”

  
“Well you too! I bet once we get famous you’ll be the most popular member in the band!” Minsoo cheers, thanking the waiter once he sets down their appetizers.

“What makes you think that it wouldn’t be Dongho or Yoonhee?”

“Dongho’s a stick in the mud, he may be hot, but he’s a stick that’s three-quarters deep in mud, there’s no way he’d be a favorite. And Yoonhee? She’d be second favorite, only because she’s taken and she’s the only female in a group with a bunch of males...” 

  
The two continue their conversation cheerfully, laughing and teasing each other. And oh, how nicely they fall together, so _incredibly perfect_ because it was meant to be. And he isn’t just being dramatic about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord Link](https://discord.gg/rsg4KzydgJ)


	16. "take good care of what you've got", my father said to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minsoo and Daehyun announce their status, leaving Dongho to consider his own thoughts about the matter.

“Yah, Jaewon! What’s up!”

Minsoo’s got a big smile on his face, bright and wider than usual. Dongho smacks him on the back of his neck, almost as if he’s scolding him for shouting.

“What? The place is empty, Dongho! It’s literally just us.”

“Not the point.” the taller male states, rolling his eyes as Jaewon and Daehyun giggle at Minsoo’s antics.

“So do you guys want the usual?” Jaewon inquires.

The three give him an all-around yes, as they always do, and move to the pick-up side of the counter and laugh among themselves. As Jaewon’s turned around to make drinks, Dae stands up tall, and in a mocking, posh voice, says, “By the way, I have an announcement to make.”

“Oh really?” Dongho asks, a wry smile appearing on his lips as he leans over the marble counters, “What’s up now?”

Daehyun turns to Minsoo, a question in his eyes. “Can I tell them?” they seemed to ask. Minsoo tilts his head, still not quite understanding. 

“What?” he asks before quickly realizing, “Oh, ok. Yeah.”

Dae sits in a chair and points to a couple other ones nearby for his friend and boyfriend. “So,” He begins, “Minsoo asked me out just a couple weeks ago.”

Jaewon nearly drops the drink he’s holding, and Dongho gets up off the counter, an almost disbelieving expression on his face.

Dae smiles softly, tearing his gaze away from his boyfriend’s softly tinted pink cheeks, “Yeah. You know, he technically did it on our first date too.” 

“That’s cute,” Jaewon beams, looking back at them once before looking back to the iced tea he had in hand, “So you guys are together now?

Minsoo nods, coughing out a relieved laugh. 

Dongho, meanwhile, says nothing. Seems like he’s becoming lost in his memories again. It was a bit more than five years before, when Minsoo finally came out to Dongho about his real sexuality. He can almost perfectly recall that night, how the younger male had called him, his voice hoarse. He had gotten into an argument with his father, saying that members of the LGBTQ+ community were normal people too, not sick or insane at all. He hadn’t been crying, just enraged, venting about how unfair it was for them. Eventually Dongho could understand exactly what was wrong. There was a reason Minsoo took this personally. 

“It’s just...I’m bisexual, Dongho. And if he ever knew, he’d hate me. I’m so scared.”

Never had Dongho heard his friend so scared. But he was brave. Braver than Dongho had ever been. Minsoo eventually told his parents, was kicked out, and moved away without ever looking back. What was so simple to Minsoo took Dongho a decade to work up the courage to do. Even now, he holds the same petrifying fear in his heart, with every memory comes the pain, the aftermath, the lasting impression upon him. 

After that and throughout their years together up until this point, Dongho had seen Minsoo in many relationships, females and males. But this...Seeing with Daehyun just feels different. Maybe it’s because they’re all in a band together, that’s kind of risky. Maybe it’s…

No, he’s just trying to convince himself of something that isn't real for an easy way out of his actual situation. Dongho’s got feelings for Daehyun too. He likes him. 

Shit.

He can’t be doing this, wanting somebody that his best friend is dating, he just can’t, he’s already a shitty enough brother, why make it worse?

But then, there must be a way to approach this. How does one erase a crush? Is it even possible? For Dongho’s, Minsoo’s and Daehyun’s sake, he hopes it is. He could never tell Minsoo directly, that he’s got feelings for Dae. No, he’d rather bury the feelings, and bury them deep, so far that they’d never manage to resurface and see the light of day again. Better than ruining Minsoo and Daehyun’s relationship.

Minsoo’s his best friend, and has been for years. They had met as children at school, back when Dongho was a new student in Incheon. The two had always been there for each other, through thick and thin, even when Dongho moved to the US with his parents for a few years before moving back to Seoul, where Minsoo offered to share an apartment with him.

As much as his heart yearns, as much as he wants to be with Daehyun himself, imagining himself in Minsoo’s position, he wouldn’t dare try to take him away. He’s not a snake. Minsoo’s suffered a lot in his life, and he deserves someone like him to love, and to be loved by, even if it hurts Dongho himself. 

He wouldn’t ever tell him that either. What kind of best friend guilts the other because they’re happy with someone they love? Those kinds of people don’t deserve to call themselves best friends.

And as for how much this might affect the band? Dongho would be lying if he said this didn’t worry him, but...Minsoo and Daehyun are a good match. He doubts that a break up would do much to them. Even if they ever did happen to have a falling out, Dongho would do his best to be there for both sides of it all, and wouldn’t dare to try to make a new relationship with Dae. There's just no chance for them, and he knows it. It’s best that he does, for both his sake and theirs.

“Hey Jaewon, you guys make all the pastries here, right?”

“Yes, we do! Why?”

“Which one’s your favorite? To make, I mean.” Dongho leans over the cold countertop, his elbows supporting his upper body as he watches Jaewon, eyes trained on the younger’s quick-moving hands.

“Oh, I don’t know,” He tells Dongho, “Maybe the macarons, because of how cute they turn out to be afterwards! Here are your drinks, by the way.”

Taking his iced Americano, Dongho gets up and leans against the wall, turning away from the other three chatting together. 

There’s something building in his stomach. Something wrong. He can’t just keep doing this, letting it grow until he can’t control it anymore. What exactly is this feeling? Longing, mixed with adoration, admiration, guilt, and just the tiniest hint of resentment. Thankfully, flimsy resentment.

He doesn’t think he could truly resent Minsoo if he tried. And how does he know it’s resentment toward Minsoo? Well, beside the fact that it’s his emotions, there’s also another reason. All these emotions, in a dirty, swirling combination, come together to form the curse that is jealousy, or rather, envy. Or is it jealousy? He doesn’t know for sure. 

At least the feeling isn’t too strong right now. It’s only just barely there, tainting the waters. He better plug that hole before it begins to consume him. Jealousy, envy, whatever you may want to call it, is one of the most potent of poisons you can find in a friendship. Just a little bit can spiral out of control and destroy everything.

Soon he notices that he’s sipping at empty air. Eh, that’s normal. Sometimes he consumes much too quickly when he’s thinking.

Daehyun behind the counter, perhaps playing with some coffee machines while Jaewon teaches him how to use them. Minsoo, meanwhile, sits alone as he watches Dae.

“Minsoo.”

“Oh, Dongho? What’s up?”

The black haired male sighs. What does he say?

“Treat Daehyun well, alright? Make sure not to get into lots of fights, I don’t think the band could handle too much of that, you know?”

Minsoo nods. “Well, duh! Hyung, I’m going to take care of him. I think...I feel like he’s different than all the others. You know I’ve never said anything like that about anyone else. I just feel like...I don’t know. He’s special.”

Dongho smiles lightly, nodding his head and looking to the side, watching Daehyun laugh to himself. He certainly is special. But he isn’t Dongho’s.

“Yeah, I get you. I’m just saying, be careful with him. Don’t break his heart, make sure he’s happy, and do your best to understand what he’s going through.”

“Ohh, when did you become Mr. Relationships Expert? Last I recall, you haven’t had a single boyfriend since high school!”

“The coach never plays the game, Sooie.”

“Shut up you, with your clever responses. I’m going to beat you at that one day, just watch!”   
  


Dongho laughs a bit. There’s something warm in his chest, and he welcomes it. He may be a big old ball of self-contradiction, but he knows how to deal with it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord Link](https://discord.gg/rsg4KzydgJ)


	17. i just drank a fifth of vodka, dare me to drive?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terrible new befalls them. They'll make it through, right? They have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3

“Jaewon! You brought a couple friends? Come on in, you guys. Welcome!”

Minsoo leads his good friend, along with the two others he brings, into his house. One of them is a blond, seemingly cheerful, but apparently not involved with Jaewon in any romantic sense. The other? Kang Junsu.

Minsoo had only recently learned of Junsu’s presence in Seoul, and to tell you the truth, he was quite shocked by what the young man had turned into. He had only known him years ago, when he was a ten year old boy that sometimes liked to tag along with Dongho on their outings to the arcades nearby. He was always so bright, so lively. And now...He was like an asshole version of Dongho. At least, to some people. Mainly strangers. 

To Minsoo and Nari, he was taciturn, quick-tempered. To Jaewon, on the other hand, he was sweet and patient. Looks like he still hasn’t lost his soft heart. Thank God. Minsoo walks the three towards an empty spot in his house, somewhere in a comfortable corner he reserved specifically for Jaewon.

The apartment was quite large, at least for what most of his friends said they were used to. Of course, this was partly because Dongho still had a small amount of money his father would send him every year for upkeep, just to make sure his “only son” would still be living in acceptable conditions. He may have been neglectful, but he wasn’t about to let the Kang name be “tainted” again. 

Of course, with large apartments come large apartments. And boy, does Minsoo have a lot of friends. Unfortunately the only person invited that couldn’t come was Yoonhee, who said she was going on a date with her boyfriend. 

Dongho and Daehyun, meanwhile, are off mingling with the rest of the party-goers or something, maybe hanging around the kitchen or in a little corner of their own, talking. For now, Minsoo decides to sit with Jaewon and his other friends.

The three seat themselves on the small space on the couch, squeezing together in order to fit. Minsoo laughs, seeing Jun stuck in between Jaewon and the blonde, being shoved by the girl’s elbows as she tries to get comfortable.

“Hey,” Minsoo holds a hand out to the woman, “I’m Minsoo. You?”

“I’m Nari! Thanks for letting Jaewon bring us, I’ve wanted to meet you guys for a while!”

“Oh yeah? That’s great to hear! Glad to make your acquaintance”

Nari nods, smiling, and Minsoo chuckles along with her in a friendly closure to their interaction. “By the way, Jaewon,” He turns to the dark-haired male sitting at the edge of the couch as he falls into the armchair to the left of them, “How’d you get Jun to come with you?”

Seeing as how Jun was half asleep, leaning back into the cushion of the grey leather couch, Jaewon answers the question without expecting his friend to chime in. “He told me he wanted to make sure I didn’t get into any trouble. Then Nari overheard and, well, she came too!” He beams.

“Oh cool. So...What’s going on with you guys lately?”

Before anyone can answer his question, Nari gets up, stretching and smiling brightly. “Yah, do you think I can use your bathroom? Sorry, I just need to fix my makeup.”

“Oh sure, it’s that door over there,” He points to the entrance to the hallway, leaning over to look behind him, “Anyway, what’s going on in your life, Wonnie?”

“Well, I just moved out of my apartment a couple days ago. You know, because that...that person broke in a while ago. I didn’t tell my mom about that part though, I just said I’d be moving. Oh hey Dae! Dongho!”

Jun’s ears seem to prick up, as he cracks open his eyes and peers at the two approaching figures under hooded eyelids

“Jaewon! I’m glad you could come,” Daehyun cheers, plopping into the seat beside Jaewon that Nari left empty and draping an arm over the smaller man’s shoulders. Dongho prefers to keep his distance, and leans onto the head of the armchair Minsoo sits in. Of course.

Dae’s usually the best conversation carrier, as much as he likes to deny it, so it gives Minsoo a chance to rest his use of the ‘social battery’ and just sit back. And as always, sitting back not only entails a break from conversation, but also an enhanced awareness of his surroundings. And by God, it didn’t take any effort to see what terrible tension filled the living room.

It was to be expected, having Dongho and Junsu in the same room like this, just two meters away. Dongho won’t leave because Dae and Minsoo are there, and Jun won’t leave because Jaewon’s there. And because he really has nowhere else to go anyway.

So the solution to this? Minsoo leaves himself. And so he does.

“I’m going to the store! I want a Milkis.”

“A Milkis?” Dongho inquires, “Right now? And don’t we already have—”

“Nah, I drank the last one yesterday. I’ll be back.”

“I can drive you if you want,” Dongho follows him to the door, letting the tension dissipate as he goes, “It’s dark outside.”

“I’ll be fine, hyung. It’s only a block away.” He consoles the taller male, grabs his keys, and leaves.

Dongho watches him, a half concerned and half annoyed glint in his eyes. This kind of impulse wasn’t very new to him, not at all. In fact, he actually found it to be a quite endearing trait of his. So then...why did he get such a bad feeling? As if…

As if something was about to happen. And you might know it already, but those kinds of feelings on dark, cold nights like these are no good of a mix. Dongho sits himself down, somewhere away from his brother and friends, hoping to calm his mind. And as expected, he can’t find any peace of mind. 

He squeezes his water bottle and grits his teeth, a swirling sensation in his stomach. 

_ ‘Shit.’ _

***

An hour passes, and Minsoo’s not back. Dongho knows for sure that it doesn’t take an hour to get to the store and return. He knows that if Minsoo had gotten caught up or something, he would have sent a text or called. Something’s wrong, and he’s cursing himself for not listening to his gut earlier.

“I’m going to go look for Minsoo,” He declares, standing up and picking up his keys, “He’s taking forever.”

  
“Ok. Let me know what he was doing, ok hyung?” Dae calls, watching his friend leave the apartment. He takes a sip of his drink before Jaewon stands up too, not half a minute later.

“I should probably go too,” He tells the seated male, “It’s a bit late, and I don’t want to be out at midnight. Tell Minsoo and Dongho that I said thank you for inviting us, ok?”

“You’re leaving? What about Nari?”

“We came here in her car. She said she doesn’t drink at other people’s houses either, so I’m pretty sure she’ll be fine.”

Dae nods, thoughtfully taking another sip and smiling at Jun, who was standing just behind Jaewon, softly telling him, “I’ll take you home.”

“It’s ok, Jun, I’ll call us a taxi! Unless you’ve got another way of getting home?” Jaewon whispers to him as they walk out the front door. And so, Dae is alone.

It’s just now that he realizes, he doesn’t know anybody else. Shit…

“Guess I’ll just...sit by myself then. I wonder where Yoonhee is?”

***

Neither Dongho nor Minsoo came back home that night, leaving the rest of the concerned party goers to clean up the mess left behind and leave the home on their own. 

The next day, both Jaewon and Minsoo had called the two men. Several times each. Neither picked up at all. At least, until evening on the following day. Daehyun had been lazing around all day, slightly concerned about his friend and his boyfriend’s whereabouts, but trying to distract himself with whatever good movies he could find on Netflix. Jaewon had been working hard, busying himself with cleaning the shop, trying to not think about the fact that both Minsoo and Dongho weren’t heard from by any of their friends since last night. His stomach only turned and grumbled in anxious anticipation when thinking about them, drawing attention once again to their long awaited replies.

Then, perhaps by a miracle or perhaps just by the strange course of events that is life, Dongho sent a message to the group chat. Both Jaewon and Daehyun raced to their phones, frantically pushing in their PINs and unlocking their phones to view the message that lay in wait.

A single line sent by Dongho-hyung. 

‘ **Minsoo was hit by a car last night. I’m at the hospital with him.** ’

And then an address. 

Jaewon could hardly believe his eyes. Minsoo? Hit by a car? That couldn’t be, that couldn’t happen...not to them, right?

Daehyun, meanwhile...He was already out of the house, barely pulling on his shoes and telepathically urging his taxi to get on with it, hoping to God that it wouldn’t be anything serious. 

Hope is all they really have, isn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord Link](https://discord.gg/rsg4KzydgJ)


	18. come back to me, make me feel like a millionaire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaewon spends time thinking about their situation, hoping. Meanwhile, Minsoo isn't as gone as it seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past few days have been Very stressful for many of us, so here's an update to cheer you up! Thank you for all the support <3 i truly, honestly appreciate it. I love you all!!!!!!

Jaewon’s feet carry him across the cold tiled floor of the hospital quicker than he can feel it. The journey from exiting the cab outside to finally arriving at the door of the hospital room passed within minutes, feeling more like seconds.

He had frantically asked Nari if she could cover for him upon receiving the message, quickly pulling on his hoodie and retrieving his wallet before his companion could say a thing. Nari, of course being the supportive and sensible person she is, agreed and prepared to take over Jaewon’s work for the day.

As he arrives at the doorstep of the room the receptionist had directed him to, silently begging that things wouldn’t be as bad as they seemed. Inside, sitting beside one of the empty hospital beds, are Dongho and Daehyun. Minsoo lays before them, asleep, if one were to take an inference from the face. As if nothing had happened.

Dongho’s sitting in a vinyl armchair not too far from the bed, but enough so he can successfully shut his eyes to the man in the hospital bed. His gaze is lost, absently focused on something in front of him while Dongho himself seems to be venturing into a world of his own. 

Daehyun, on the other hand...almost catatonic, almost hysterical, an unsettling mixture, hybrid, of both. There's a manic-depressive fog in the room, thick enough to cut with a knife. He won’t move from Minsoo’s side, a cold hand clutching the other’s limp one, as if the pressure would somehow revive him.

Jaewon doesn’t know what to do, what to say, what to _think_. How could this...How could this have happened to him. To Minsoo?

It’s always surreal when you first hear that it happened to someone you know. You’d hear these kinds of stories and think, ‘Oh that’s terrible! I feel so bad.’ at first, but then? Out of sight, out of mind. But then it happens to you. 

Jaewon can barely recall the day that his father died. Of course, he was young, he had barely been able to seriously contemplate what it meant, but...It hits hard when you first hear about it. The bearer of the news comes to you, their grief-stricken faces playing the roll of what you may call an omen, something to read to learn what may lie in store.

The first time his mother came to him with the news concerning his father, she couldn’t make it past the first second

“Daddy is sick,” she had told him, “He’s really sick, and the doctors are doing their best to take care of him but…”

She burst into tears. The second time, a day later, she calmed herself and prepared.

“Wonnie,” She called as she twiddled her thumbs, “ I was telling you yesterday, daddy is sick. There’s...there’s a chance he won’t make it through this. That he’s going to pass away from this. The doctors don’t have a cure for what he’s got.”

Of course, his mom was doing her best to ensure that her child wasn’t in the dark about what was happening, but the moment still stuck in his head ever since. It’s the same as what he feels now, the same cold chill of imagining a life without someone you know, a burden that weighs over you all day, all week, until something finally comes to a conclusion and you either end up grieving or rejoicing.

It’s an unbearable feeling.

So now, again, such a thing happens to someone he knows, someone he’s close to...he doesn’t know what to do. Comfort Dae and Dongho? Stay silent and hope that they’ll be fine? Ask what exactly happened? It’s such an uncomfortable position, standing there and hoping that the others sitting before Jaewon wouldn’t choose him as a target to focus all of their frustration and concern on.

But still—How could it have happened to Minsoo? Lively, ever-so-cheerful Minsoo, the guy that always has something to say, so driven and sociable. Someone Jaewon had always aspired to be more like.

It was as if he had imagined Minsoo as some powerful, immortal being, invincible and unaffected by all that plagued other humans. This was truly the first time Jaewon’s ever seen him vulnerable like this. At least, other than the first time they met on that fateful evening, with Minsoo crying out over a twisted ankle on the front step of the Coffee Temple.

***

The days pass as painfully slow as you can imagine. Each morning, each night, spent thinking about and being with Minsoo. Especially for Daehyun. Of course, it’s expected, he’s his boyfriend, but...This kind of thing isn’t what he thought he’d be doing. Coming as often as he can, spending his time holding Minsoo’s hand and singing him songs as they waited. That’s something close to he expected.

But _no_ , Dae was—Dae was obsessed with being by his lover’s side, so much that Jaewon might have called it unhealthy. He rarely eats or even leaves the room, just to go to the bathroom, and even took days off from his job to spend by Minsoo’s side. He doesn’t even really sleep much, apparently too anxious to remain even a good half hour away from his love’s side.

A type of separation anxiety he’s seen only once before, when his father was in the hospital. Jaewon’s mom would spend hours, upon hours, upon _hours_ by his side, praying, hoping, crying. She’d spend every day the same, pick up Jaewon after school, feed him, and then head over to the hospital to spend time with his father. Of course, there was only one mistake she made.

She always brought Jaewon with her.

“A hospital is no place for a child,” her mother would often scold her, whenever going along as moral support and comfort, “You should get him a babysitter.”

His grandma never did understand that they couldn’t afford a babysitter. She’d insist all she wanted, but not once ever offer her own help. It’s fine, that’s just the way she was.

Sometimes Jaewon can faintly remember those times that his grandma would let his mother go home on her own. Of course, that meant the responsibility of making sure his mom was fine fell on him. He’d spend long hours, exhausted but forced to make sure his mom was comfortable, wasn’t hungry, and didn’t accidentally pass out on his dad’s lap in a state of exhaustion. 

It wasn’t her fault, was it? She was doing her best.

But God, it makes him sick to his stomach to picture Daehyun following the same path. Night after night after night, sobbing and pleading to whoever’s up above that they’d just let Minsoo _wake up_ —

There comes a day that Jaewon decides he has to do something. It’s dark, cold and raining outside. Definitely not safe weather to be going home alone like this. Jaewon pats Daehyun on the back, right before he’s about to leave himself.

“Dae,” He whispers to the seated male, “It’s raining, you should probably get home soon. I can call a taxi for you if you want?”

The reaction he got was certainly far from what he expected. Daehyun whipped around, an icy glare piercing Jaewon’s heart. “You think i’m going to leave Minsoo alone like this? You guys can go out and fuck around as much as you want, but I care about him. I’m not leaving.” He hisses.

_‘Oh.’_ Jaewon turns from him, hesitating. Daehyun’s never...He’s never talked like him like that.

It hurts. Jaewon knows he shouldn’t be so sensitive, but it _hurts_. Maybe it’s just because he doesn’t have that many friends.

Dongho comes up behind him, silently ruffling his hair a bit. He tries to muster a small smile, even if there’s no energy left. “Don’t mind him too much,” He sighs, gently shouldering him towards the exit, “He’s just scared. Minsoo will recover, I know it. Would you like a ride home?” Jaewon nods hesitantly, and the two make their way to Dongho’s van.

They spend the rest of the ride in silence. Jaewon leans his head on the window, his mind wandering away from the present he lives, venturing into memories he’s cherished over the year or so they’ve known each other.

Jaewon looks over at Dongho, steely eyes focused on the road ahead. He smiles. Dongho’s always been so reliable, so responsible. He’s someone that Jaewon trusts, perhaps one of the only few he truly does. Warmth gathers within him, thinking of how close they’ve gotten since Daehyun first introduced them.

Ah, Daehyun. Jaewon’s known him for a long while, perhaps a bit longer than everyone else has. He would often find himself watching the taller male on his occasional trips to the Coffee Temple, admiring his features and such. How kind he was, kind, generous, always so caring. It almost fills the quickly growing hole in his heart thinking about him.

And Minsoo, _oh_ , Minsoo. What an unforgettable person. He’s always been there for Jaewon, bringing out the best of his qualities and helping him grow. Minsoo’s always been there for him, so...is Jaewon wrong for not worrying as much as Dae does? Is this him ignoring his responsibility as their friend by just going home.

Maybe so, but _God_ , Daehyun’s words stung him. How could he ever say that Jaewon didn’t care, when the three of them meant the world to him? 

Jaewon sighs, crossing his arms. He doesn’t know what’s right and what’s not anymore.

***

How long has he been like this, Minsoo wonders? It feels like so long, yet not that much. Then again, he really has no concept of anything. He can’t even tell if he’s awake or not.

But there’s one thing he knows. That there’s always people out there beside him.

Sometimes it would be the soft-spoken voice of Jaewon, his good friend, coming in to sit with him.

“I can’t wait to see you again, Minsoo. I miss talking to you.”

If he could, Minsoo would smile too. “I miss talking to you too,” He would tell him.

Then sometimes he’d hear another person. Someone he’s known his whole life. Of course, it’s him with the big, deep voice that could send shivers up anybody’s spine, Kang Dongho. 

He’d come in for long hours, sometimes ask whoever else was in the room to give him some space for an hour, and talk. About his problem with Jun, how he wants to fully apologize to him but doesn’t know how to approach it. How he misses Minsoo, misses talking to him.

Minsoo tries desperately to make a move, open his eyes, anything. No avail

And then of course, the one that rarely talked but spent hours of his day by his side. Daehyun. On the rare occasion that he did—Minsoo assumed this was only when he was alone—he’d tell him about how he'd been waiting for him to wake up. That he loves him, so, _so_ much.

“I’ll take care of you until you wake up,” Daehyun had whispered to him, rubbing circles on the back of his hand, “I’ll sing you songs...Read you stories. Just in case it’s true that people in comas can still hear the outside. I love you, Minsoo. I’ll always be here.”

The days passed the same, each coming by and going with static development, their only comfort being silent words uttered by the doctor, "He'll be fine" and "We're sure he is going to wake up soon."

Eventually Dae was forced to get back to work at the restaurant, as his vacation days were soon to run out completely. But this didn't keep him from sticking to Minsoo's side whenever he could. Day after day, spent hoping, crying, pleading to the world for Minsoo to come back to him.

Until one day, as Daehyun held the limp hand of the brunet seemingly asleep beside him, Minsoo mustered up enough of a will to squeeze back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if u can <3 not to be demanding, but it does help motivate!!! a lot!!! Lets me know how many people are reading this jhkjfjad
> 
> [LiT Fic Discord](https://discord.gg/JAXtejPa9C)


	19. when you're young and you're poor and you're crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's awake.

_ Until one day, as Daehyun held the limp hand of the brunet seemingly asleep beside him, Minsoo mustered up enough of a will to squeeze back... _

Dae jumps up, startled. Did he—Did Minsoo just squeeze his hand? Is he awake?!

_ ‘He’s awake!’ _

Daehyun slams his hand down against the green button on the wall to summon a nurse, adrenaline shooting right through him as blood flushes his cheeks and his breath quickens. He’s light, almost weightless as he huffs and puffs, barely able to comprehend the fact that  _ Minsoo moved _ .

“Minsoo...He—Minsoo!”

In comes a band of nurses, all urgently gathering around the unconscious man before him as Daehyun shouts, “He’s awake! He’s awake!”

Perhaps as a way of shutting him up and restoring peace to the hospital room, they shoulder him out of the way and tell him to “Please wait here in the hall!” as they attend to the patient. Meanwhile, Dae watches through the door window, tippy-toeing to try to see over their shoulders despite his already tall frame. He can’t just sit around and wait! But he also can’t storm in and force them to let him stay by Minsoo’s side; it might endanger him.

So he stands and watches, restless and fidgety as the nurses inside run around frantically preparing for whatever procedure doctors go through in times like this. Where the heck are Dongho and Jaewon? It’s been 10 minutes, that’s enough time for them to grab snacks.

As if summoned, the two black haired men he mentioned come walking down the hall, smiling and chatting softly as they munch on assorted goodies they could find in all the vending machines located in one of the hospital lounge rooms

You might’ve guessed the surprise that hit them seeing Dae, who had been languid and depressed for a couple months now, running up to them with a shining grin on his face. Perhaps it was even a bit contagious. Dongho and Jaewon couldn’t help but smile with him.

“Dongho, Jaewon! Minsoo’s back!”

***

The three had made their way back to the room, desperate to see their friend, only for the nurses to turn around and tell them, “You should probably go home today, we can have someone call you when he’s ready to be visited.”

Needless to say, they dragged themselves home, forcing a screaming and kicking Dae to come along with them. Neither man blamed him, his boyfriend just came back to life and he’s not allowed to see him, but imagine how Dongho feels? That’s his best friend right there, someone he’s known almost all his life, reduced to a sleeping, unmoving body. And that’s a fact Dongho too had to live with for a full two months.

But he doesn’t say anything. Daehyun doesn’t need this.

They gave Minsoo a couple days to relax, to adjust himself to the knowledge that he had been practically dead for two whole months. Dae was all too ready to come back on the third. He showed up at the crack of dawn, practically clawing at the door trying to get in before it was officially visiting hours. Jaewon appeared not too long afterwards, preparing himself with a deep breath and perfectly designed smile drawn out of whatever hope he had left, with so much more to recover. 

Then Dongho...Dongho almost wanted to stay home. He wasn’t ready to see his Minsoo’s face again, almost as if he were reuniting with someone after leaving on bad terms. But he goes anyway. Besides, if Dae ends up being there with him alone, who knows what kind of trouble he might get into? It’s better not to take a chance.

And as he walks into the room, with Jaewon and Daehyun only then having arrived, he restrains a gasp. There’s Minsoo, calmly sitting up in the hospital bed, alive yet so weak and frail, waiting for them. It takes all the will he has within him to not run over and suffocate the younger man with a hug.

Instead, he resigns himself to the back of the three person crowd standing at his bedside, bombarding him with questions and comforts like, “Don’t ever leave me like that again!” and “How are you feeling?”   
  


Yet Dongho can’t find the courage to say a thing. And even then, at this point where he refuses to move or talk, Minsoo understands it. Their eyes meet, and the brunet gives him his typical mischievous wink. Thank God, he’s back. 

“I’m doing well, the doctor told me mostly everything yesterday. He says that I got hit by a car?”

“Yea…” Jaewon trails off, a frown decorating his face as he recalls the unpleasantness he knew that morning the news came, “You did.”

Minsoo doesn’t seem to be bothered by this fact. He smiles, his eyes glittering with make-believe tears. “Thank you guys...For staying with me this long. I appreciate it all.” He murmurs.

“Of course, hyung!”

“How could we ever leave you? We’re gonna stick with you through everything.”

Dongho only nods. Perhaps speaking would just open the floodgates and he’d break down right then and there. 

“So then,” Minsoo falls back into his pillow, closing his eyes as he yawns, “What else have I missed since then?”

“Oh lots of stuff! We can fill you in, right Jaewon?”

“Yeah!”

“Ok, so first of all…” Daehyun begins, a glowing smile lighting up his cheeks as Jaewon stands behind him in support. Dongho watches the three from afar, almost feeling...Disconnected. Something’s not right.

Is it them? Or is it him?

No, it’s him. Of course, he’s doing it again, convincing himself that he doesn’t belong here, with them.

Perhaps it’s just...seeing Dae so happy like this, seeing Minsoo alive and smiling but without Dongho by his side—

_ ‘Wait. No, it can’t be that. It...Minsoo...I can’t possibly be having these kinds of feelings now. It’s not the time for that. Not the place.’ _

“—Isn’t that right, hyung?”

His focus returns and his eyes find their way to a smiling Daehyun, wondering what he was going on about. “Huh?” He mumbles absently.

“Didn’t you say that once Minsoo’s out of the hospital you’ll play him that song you wrote? The one you dedicated to him!”

“Oh, ‘untitled’?”

“Yeah that one!” He turns back excitedly to Minsoo, while Jaewon watches fondly as he prattles on, “We haven’t heard him actually play it before but the lyrics are great. I’m so excited, hyung!”

Minsoo’s eyes are trained on Dongho’s face, watching carefully. Something might be wrong...he doesn’t look right. Dongho merely smirks gently at him, his face painted with a carefully applied coating of stoicism. As if Minsoo couldn’t see past that, couldn’t see the ghost tears gathering in his eyes or the amount of pure emotion he doesn’t let himself feel. 

Maybe it’s self centered for him to think this way. After all, Dongho didn’t seem to even blink an eye when his own mom died. Minsoo knew what their family life was like, knew that despite the way she raised her sons, she still loved them. Perhaps it’s just because he’s an outsider that he doesn’t see a connection. 

He looks at Jaewon now talking beside him, leaning against the wall with a soft smile barely visible on his lips as he recounts the day Yoonhee came in to see him, bawling as she handed over chocolates that Minsoo couldn’t eat. How sweet of him to always care, even though they’ve only been friends for a little less than a year.

And of course, his love sitting by his side, squeezing his hand every couple of minutes, beaming brighter than Minsoo’s ever seen him. And  _ oh _ , how  _ excited _ he is, and how warm Minsoo’s heart becomes, knowing that he’s the reason Daehyun’s like this right now, that he was missed.

It’s a feeling he wouldn’t give up for anything.

***

At the end of the day, Dongho ends up leaving early, off to buy groceries or whatever he was grumbling about as he went out the door, leaving Daehyun and Jaewon to walk out together later on. 

The taller man calls his friend over before he can leave. “Jaewon? Um...can I talk to you for a second?”

“Oh sure Dae, what’s up?”

“Well,” He swings his arms front to back, balancing on his heels, his toes, then heels again as he looks away from Jaewon, “I’m sorry. Sorry for being so mean to you while Minsoo was in the coma. I know that you were only trying to help me, and I kept pushing you away. I’m just…”

Daehyun turns to the window beside him overlooking the plaza, “I’ve always been afraid of losing people I care about, and I just want to protect them as much as I can. I’m really sorry, I know you don’t care any less about Minsoo than I do, I was just not—not in the right mind space.”

The apology comes as a surprise to Jaewon, but is nonetheless accepted. Dae’s usually pretty bad at confronting his friends like this. But Jaewon isn’t mad. No, not at all. This is growth on his part, a sign that he is pushing past the boundaries that try to restrain him.

And perhaps, just maybe, Jaewon feels good about being opened up to. Being trusted. It’s one of the best feelings in the world, one that he’s often seen being taken for granted, and then terribly lost.

“It’s okay,” Jaewon pats the man’s shoulder, “I understand you. I know you care about Minsoo, and that you want him to be safe.”

Daehyun almost gasps. Jaewon is….so kind. 

“O-Oh, thank you hyung…” He gasps, letting his swinging arms fall still, “Well...I think I’ll go now. Bye! Get home safe.”

Jaewon waves to Dae as he spins on his right heel and leaves. “Bye! You too!”

It’s so nice, having friends like these that care about him. God, he wouldn’t give them up for anything. Smiling as soft as ever, Jaewon turns to leave as well, walking home with a swing in his gait and a bounce with every step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord](https://discord.gg/JAXtejPa9C)


	20. and love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongho pays a visit to his mother, and later has a realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it is! Chapter 20 :D this is originally the amount of episodes lcabd was gonna have but then boom i did that hhehehehe :3 anyway, there is going to be an alternate ending for those that do not wish to read 100 episodes, but it's not here yet, it'll be here within 30 chapters i think.
> 
> Enjoy!!!

A strangled, crackly groan slips from the dark haired male’s lips as he lifts his head above the pillow, his hands searching for what his eyes could not. Where’s his phone?

Opening his eyes, Dongho tosses his blankets to the side of his bed, the chill of the late morning pricking at his skin. Ah, there’s his phone. He seizes it.

‘ **10:11 AM** ’

Shit. His bus leaves in an hour, he doesn’t have time to be tired. What a terrible decision it was to stay up all night yesterday dreading today.

Yes, today, the anniversary of the death of Dongho’s mother. Dongho stands up, climbing out of his bed despite every centimeter of his skin screaming for him to get back in. God, it’s fucking cold.

But he can’t miss today. He never has and never will, as long as his body allows him. 

Minsoo isn’t home, it seems. Their apartment is empty, the dishes are washed, and the other man’s shoes are nowhere to be found. At least he cleaned up before he left.

Of course, Minsoo knows what day it is too, and as usual he’s left a note explaining where he was going to be and what time he’s going to get back. He’s always considerate of Dongho’s space, and every year when the day comes he leaves the apartment for a while and gives his friend some space. How sweet.

But Dongho has no time to appreciate the sentiment. He grabs his van keys and heads out to drive to the bus stop. Might as well go and get this all over with.

***

In one hand he grips his small bouquet of arranged wormwood and asphodel, his mother’s favorite lily, as he marches up a hill, scattered gravestones and labels of names long forgotten, stories untold and faded covering one side. 

It still baffles him that his mother had requested to be buried here, somewhere in a small town near Ulsan that she had been born in. This place, instead of the Kang family cemetery? It makes sense, perhaps, as there is sentimental value to consider. Most want to be buried in the place they were happiest in.

But who knew that it would be here, not the glamour of her life in Los Angeles, or even the small home in Incheon he had been born in, but here in a crappy town outside of Ulsan? Well, he’s no one to judge. If it were him, he’d ask to be cremated and scattered around Seoul, one of the only places he’s ever really felt at peace.

Dongho walks up to a headstone, a small white one in the shape of a cross, and kneels, placing the small flowers in a vase beside it.

**Choi Kyungja**

**Born December 11, 1966**

**Died October 9, 2016**

Funny how Dongho’s the only one that ever seems to come here. Not once since her funeral held in 2016 has anyone ever shown up besides him. 

Who else is there, anyway? His father, Jun, and maybe her sister. But of course none of them ever come. At least not while Dongho’s in town. Maybe it’s because of him that they never do. 

But he doesn’t blame Jun. His mother...His mother wasn’t the same with Jun as she was with Dongho, at least when he was a kid. 

He can clearly remember times from back when they lived in Incheon, when his mother would sing to him before bed and make him his favorite omelet for breakfast on the weekends she wasn’t working. Oh, what a distant memory.

And then when Jun was born...she lost her touch. She never gave him the same affection Dongho knew in his early youth. Perhaps she believed the responsibility had passed on to her eldest son as it did to her when she was young, that she  _ trained _ Dongho enough to do it for her.

Maybe that’s how Jun sees him, the same way Dongho sees their mom. Someone with good intentions that just so happen to be twisted and corrupted enough that it comes across as neglect or resentment.

Nonetheless, Dongho’s thankful for her, for what she’s done for him in his youth, and he’s proud of Jun for having the courage Dongho never could, to get away from this family that suppressed him at such a young age.

Perhaps it even makes him feel happy that Jun left him behind, that he knew to prioritize himself and built his own life despite how terribly difficult it is to get by when you’re just a kid so far from the home you know.

He shouldn’t expect Jun to feel like he owes Dongho anything at all. He’s not responsible for what Junsu’s become, nor is he the reason that he didn’t go onto be anything better. 

It’s...hard to grasp the concept that he’s no longer the little brother he once was the last time they lived under the same roof. But he has to face it. Jun is a full grown adult, responsible for himself. 

God, he’s so proud of him.

***

Dongho heads back to the bus stop after having a small dinner in a nearby restaurant, and boards his return trip. 

By the time he arrives in Seoul, the night has consumed the city and the cold winds have fallen back upon him once more. The sooner he gets back to the apartment, the better.

Walking in, he notices two things; Minsoo’s worn out Filas laid out by the door, and the brunet man himself splayed out on the couch, seemingly half asleep. He shoots up upon hearing the door open, his eyes searching for his taller roommate. And laying his eyes on him as Dongho stumbles his way through the door, Minsoo smiles, scooting over on the couch to make space for him to sit as he walks over.

“How are you feeling, man?”

Dongho looks up once before letting his gaze drop once more. “Huh? Oh, I...I’m doing fine.”

Is he really doing fine? Well, that’s not such an easy question to answer. Minsoo doesn’t seem to buy it.

“I never know what to say to comfort people...And I guess maybe you don’t really need it, but anyway, I’m always going to be here for you. Dongho. Don’t ever think that you’re alone while I’m around, okay?”

The taller man’s head shoots up and he locks eyes with his best friend, a steady gaze akin to that of a deer caught grazing on a front lawn.

Oh.

_ Oh. _

He’s somehow seeing Minsoo so differently than he used to. No longer just as a best friend he’s known his whole life but also someone he—

There’s a sudden flutter in Dongho’s stomach. A tightness in his chest. His heart seems to be reaching, yearning as if it’s lacking something that it’s been wanting for  _ so long now _ .

And just looking at Minsoo, he feels like his problems are fading away. As if there’s a connection he’s never seen before, or perhaps refused to see but now welcomed. Has this feeling always been there? Has he always seen his best friend as someone that isn’t  _ just a friend _ , but rather more close to him than he’d ever thought?

It’s mind boggling. But it’s certain that right here, right now, all he wants to do is lean in and kiss him. Oh, just saying it makes him want to cry, celebrate, and scream “What the fuck is wrong with you?” at himself.

Is this just some shitty emophilia?

After all, it’s not just Minsoo. There’s Dae too.

Daehyun, ever-so-sweet and loving Daehyun that just recently entered his life like sunshine rising over the horizon. And then Minsoo, the boy he’s known for so long and loved ever since.

God, he has feelings for both of them?

“Dongho?”

Oh. Minsoo was expecting an answer. “Okay.” Dongho mutters, hoping it’s enough to satisfy him, “Thank you.”

He leaves the man on the couch and retreats to his sacred privacy to realize what he’s just done to himself.

Daehyun _ and _ Minsoo. 

He almost wants to laugh, to cry, to say that he’s had his heart broken twice in one go and leave it. 

But he won’t. God, why can’t he just—

“Fuck!” He yelps, falling back into his bed. He’s not even in a relationship and he’s already screwing himself over like this, overthinking as if it’s going to even make a difference.

Dongho pulls his blankets over himself.  _ ‘It’s probably better if I just...forget about it all...I can’t tell them, it would ruin everything.’ _

After all, he could never value his own happiness over theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord](https://discord.gg/JAXtejPa9C)


	21. you've got the power to love and to live, you can't say it ain't right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daehyun and Minsoo come to find they share feelings for someone other than each other. What a beautiful coincidence, isn't it?

“...so I talked to the manager and he said we could still perform but he’s going to give us 60,000 won less, and instead give us three cases of beer. Said they had too much and couldn’t afford to keep it, so I guess we can split it among us. Is it ok if you take some home with you, Dae?”

The younger man’s eyes trace his lover’s face as he stares him down. He’s so pretty, so amazing. From his doe eyes always so wide and beautiful, to the way his nose twitches every time he takes a sip of his piping hot macchiato, to how cute he is flipping through their band scheduling binder as he looks for the next gig they’re reviewing, or whatever it is.

Isn’t this supposed to be Dongho’s kind of thing, going over schedules and deals and all that? Oh wait, he’s in charge of all the budgeting and finance shit or whatever. Ah, well that’s actually probably worse.

Daehyun’s heart just seems to always skip a few beats every time he’s with Minsoo and it—

He’s just an amazing person overall. He’s so wonderful, with how incredibly supportive he is, how much he makes Dae laugh, how he’s always got his own opinion on stuff…

Needless to say, Dae’s hopelessly in love with him. But it’s not these qualities that made him fall in the first place, really, these are all just plusses. Then, why  _ did _ he fall in love with him? Daehyun doesn’t even know himself really. He just did.

“Dae?”

Then something else comes to mind. Dongho. He...what kind of words could ever begin to describe Dongho? He’s like a statue, tall, slightly imposing, always there to bring you comfort and reassurance with warm familiarity.

No, maybe that’s a bad example. He’s like a good song, sensitive and always there to get you through your hardest of times. Or like a cat, something so mysterious and unpredictable yet so charismatic, something so charming yet so difficult to approach.

Why’s he thinking about Dongho out of the blue like this? He—Oh. There's a familiar warmth in his chest. He knows what this is.

_ ‘Hm...This is risky. If I keep thinking about him I might really catch feelings, and then...Minsoo. How could I do that to him, start having feelings for both him and his best friend? He’s sure to catch on if I let it continue like this. But what if...what if he doesn’t have a problem with it? What if he feels the same way I do and—well that’s a slim chance, but it’s still a chance anyway. Maybe...maybe I can ask him. Subtly.’ _

“Dae? What’s up? You’re spacing out.”

“Soo-yah, what are your thoughts on polyamory?”

“Polyamory? I thought we’re going over our sche—”

“This is important, baby. What do you think about polyamory?”

Minsoo puts down his pencil and leans back a bit in focused contemplation. And then he smirks. That damn smirk. 

“This is about Dongho, isn’t it?”

Dae chokes on his water, “What?! How did you—”

“Well let’s ask him about it? I actually like that idea, you know...I’ve had feelings for him ever since we were kids anyway.”

Oh. That...kind of hurts. What if they do start a relationship together, and Minsoo ends up leaving him for Dongho? What if they abandon him just like that, and he ends up all alone again?

But knowing Minsoo, he wouldn’t do that. It’d be a betrayal in his eyes. How can you feel so strongly for someone one minute, and then completely leave him the next? That just means there was no strong love there in the first place.

And if it does work out? If Dongho and Minsoo love Dae just the same, could it happen? Could they do it?

It’s too much of a chance for him to refuse, but—if it fails, he’s in for a world of heartbreak. Then again, that’s exactly what you sign up for when you enter a relationship. Daehyun’s in too deep now to back out.

“Ok, let’s ask him then.”

“Alright, do you think Sunday’s good? You can come over to our place.”

“Sure, just tell me when.” 

Minsoo picks up his pen and returns to flipping through his binder. “Great! I’ll let you know. Anyway, let’s get back to the schedules, we’ve got a lot to do.”

***

Soon enough, Sunday arrives, and Daehyun’s on his way to his lover’s—soon to be lovers’, if all goes well—apartment. For the sake of a long since forgotten ritual of punctuality, Dae takes a taxi instead of public transportation. Maybe it’s also because he doesn’t want to smell like the bus when he gets there, but it doesn’t matter.

Minsoo welcomes Daehyun into their apartment and leads him to sit on the couch beside Dongho, who’s reading what seems to be a particularly interesting book, before leaving to get him a glass of water, and then returning to sit down in between the two.

“Soooo...Dongho.” the brunet begins.

Dongho, as if already knowing what’s to come, tilts his gaze up a bit and asks, “What do you want?”

“Hey, all I wanted to ask is...Well, what’s  _ your _ opinion on being in a polyamorous relationship. Would you ever consider one, or nah?” Minsoo smiles, leaning back and crossing his legs in mock sophistication.

“What even is that?” He returns to reading, clearly lacking any interest in the topic at hand.

Minsoo cackles, shooting up from the couch and pulling out his phone. “Seriously?!” He smirks, “You’d think that with that big brain of yours you’d know. I’ll look it up for you,” Minsoo types the word into his browser and reads off the first article, “See, it says here,  _ ‘Polyamory is defined as practicing or being open to intimate relationships with more than one person,’ _ so basically it’s when a group of 3 or more people are in love. What d’ya think about that?”

Dongho nods thoughtfully, placing his book to the side for a moment as the other two wait in anticipation, watching him.

“Well,” The black haired man murmurs, “Depending on who it is, I wouldn’t really mind it. Sounds nice.”

“I see, I see.” Minsoo scratches his chin as if there were a beard there and stretches as he sits back down. Dae examines his face. What’s he doing? Is he trying the same thing that Dae did a couple days ago? And what are they going to do now anyway? Dongho just barely learned of the concept of polyamory right now, how could he want—

“So if we were to ask you to be with us, would you? Not like in a threesome way, but like actually  _ being with _ us.”

Daehyun begins uncontrollably coughing, his glass of water coming uncomfortably close to spilling over onto the carpet. “Minsoo! You’re so blunt!” He splutters.

Meanwhile, Dongho remains silent, his eyes blown wide as if Minsoo had just asked the un-askable. Honestly, Dae could understand him. He’s so quick to bring up these questions as if he has no regard for the possibilities! But...he admires that about Minsoo. He’s fearless, whether you’d like to admit it or not.

“Cause, uhh…” Minsoo seemed to just now realize how quickly he had made the atmosphere awkward, “Dae and I like you. In that way. Of course if I read you wrong, you don’t have to. I’m just offering.”

Dongho takes in the situation with caution. So...both of his ‘crushes’ have feelings for him? And simultaneously for each other? What the fuck? 

But it doesn’t necessarily seem  _ wrong  _ or anything. In fact, now that he realizes what this means, a little part of him rejoices. This redamancy, despite the shock he felt upon hearing it, was just the answer he was looking for. So his feelings are fine. His love is valid.

Before he knows what he’s doing, Dongho responds. “Yes, of course.”

Daehyun’s voice rises to a squeaky tone of disbelief. “Really?! You like us too?”

“Y-yes,” He gasps, “Truth is, I—I have been having these kinds of feelings for you both for a while now, I just never acknowledged them.”

“Oh! Well that’s...”

Minsoo, perhaps wanting more attention from both of his “new” boyfriends, plops back down in between them and switches on the TV. “So now what, you wanna ask Yoonhee and have a whole band relationship or something?” He jokes, crossing his legs and planting a kiss on Dongho’s cheek.

“Ew, no”

“Hey, hyung! That’s not very nice…”

“Dae, I’ve known her for years, she’s like a cousin.”

“Oh  _ yeah _ , ew.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord](https://discord.gg/JAXtejPa9C)


	22. i'm warm and terrified

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're back. And this time, Minsoo gets caught up in the mess too.

Jaewon tosses his keys and wallet onto the kitchen counter, searching his pockets as he does so. 

_ ‘I should probably take a shower first…’  _

Striding into his room, he searches his clothes pile for his newly washed towel. It’s a Saturday morning, only half an hour after he left his apartment for a quick morning walk. Usually Jaewon’s not one to go out into the cold like this, but there was something...like a voice that just told him to, as if there was something important out there.

And indeed there was. Three cats, an orange one, a striped white and brown one, and then a fully black one. To say that he was thrilled to see them would be an understatement. They were the reason “thirty minutes out” turned into an hour and a half.

Luckily he got home just in time to allow a good twenty minutes for a quick shower and...that’s pretty much it, since Minsoo said he’d be arriving soon. They’re supposed to go out to get ramen, and if there’s one thing Jaewon feels terrible about doing, it’s making people wait for him.

Minsoo had said it was one of his favorite ramen places, and that he got a two person gift card from a friend. Obviously he couldn’t choose between Dongho and Daehyun so he settled on Jaewon.

_ ‘He said he’d be here in twenty minutes...I washed my hair yesterday, so I won’t today.’ _ He decides, turning to his closet, _ ‘Where’s my moon shirt? I could swear that I saw it yester—’ _

_ PANG _

Jaewon falls limp, right into the arms of the person who had been still watching, waiting. Finally, it’s time.

_ ‘Finally, he’s mine.’ _

***

Minsoo bounces up the fourth flight of stairs, each step burning with unfelt strain. He’s not just excited, he’s...whatever word is more than excited, that’s what he is. Jaewon hasn’t really been around Minsoo much after his coma, so this ramen trip really is something new and fun for him to look forward to.

After all, what’s better than good food and good friends?

He hadn’t answered any of Minsoo’s “I’m here come down” and “Hey I’m here where r u” texts in the past ten minutes. Of course, this means Minsoo’s going to take it into his own hands to come get him. Jaewon isn’t the type of person that just ghosts his friends when they have something planned, so obviously he’s not getting the message somehow.

But...he didn’t expect to see this. Jaewon’s door is wide open. Huh? Maybe he’s throwing out some trash or something. Doesn’t hurt to walk in and check, maybe surprise him.

As usual, the small gremlin inside Minsoo cackles at the opportunity to scare his friend. Sure, it’s kind of mean, but it’s not that bad of a prank! They’re close enough for him to do this and not get an immediate “Get out of my house.” from him. He walks in. 

“Jaewon? You here?” 

But what he encounters is indeed not Jaewon. Not Jaewon at all. A quick flash on an unrecognizable face swoops down on him, frying pan in hand, and his vision disappears.

Minsoo falls, already out cold before he hits the floor.

***

There's...something binding his arms and legs...he can’t move.

Sore eyes open to see what restrains him. Holy shit.

Minsoo looks down at himself and perhaps almost passes right the fuck out again. He’s in a dining chair, it seems, his arms tied together with what feels like wire or a thin extension cord, and his feet secured against the chair legs. 

Did...did Jaewon do this? This is his apartment...and his dining chairs...he couldn’t possibly have—?

Minsoo’s head turns to his right. 

_ ‘Oh shit! Jaewon!’ _

Indeed, there was his dark haired friend, asleep beside him with his arms cuffed behind his back and his legs crossed and tied with extension cord.

If it’s not Jaewon, then...Who?

“You!”

He looks up. There’s a person standing there, almost phantom-like. It’s the same person that always hung around in the café until that day that they tried to take Jaewon. So they haven’t given up? They were just waiting for the right moment to imprison their prey in his own home or something?

“What the fuck?!” Minsoo roars, “You—!”

“You’re trying to bring us apart! You’re trying to take him away from me, I can’t let you, I can’t let you do this!” 

Out of nowhere, a buzzing catches their attention. It’s Minsoo’s phone, left conveniently on a desk as it vibrates with whatever incoming call he was supposed to be receiving. Judging by the ringtone, it’s Dongho. Minsoo made one of their oldest songs, the one they wrote, composed and sang entirely together, back when Yoonhee and their old bandmate, Hyungseok weren’t in the picture.

The person, the stalker, slaps it off the desk in desperation. It goes silent. Looks like it hung up on the way down. Shit, that could have been their saving grace, if they got Dongho on the phone. Maybe he’ll come over anyway, if Minsoo doesn’t make it back home by night time.

But that’d only work if he’s still  _ alive _ by then. Well shit, might as well focus on the problem at hand since there’s no way out as of now.

“You’re the same stalker that Dongho knocked out when you tried to kidnap Jaewon! So you’re just here trying to pull that same shit again?! What the fuck is wrong with y—”

A burning strike lands on his cheek. They slapped him, apparently fed up with the reminder that they’re doing illegal shit for the sake of love or passion or whatever bullshit they’re going to use to justify it all. “Shut up, shut up shut up!” The stalker wails.

  
  


And despite it all, the adrenaline, the fear, Minsoo doesn’t stop. Perhaps it’s just that fueling him. Fury courses through his veins at the fact that this  _ piece of shit _ would traumatize an innocent person and possibly even kill others for their own selfish reasons. “No!” He barks, “Keeping us captive in Jaewon’s own home? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you that lonely that you’d take people like this and force them to love you? You—”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up! He’s mine, you can’t take him away—I won’t let you!”

They seize the frying pan left on Jaewon’s bed and raise it above their head, ready to strike. Minsoo winces, preparing for the impact as any person would. But the blow never comes. He looks up to see the stalker holding it still, practically frozen.

_ ‘...what?’ _

They drop the pan and retreat, as if suddenly cursed. “I’m sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn’t mean to do this...I’m sorry...I’m sorry…”

Minsoo sighs, hanging his head as this person curls into a ball and shoves their face into Jaewon’s blankets. So this is what it’s come to? A crazy captor that probably doesn’t understand what they just did, and his sleeping friend that he suspects has no idea what’s going on at all. It’s for the better. He doesn’t need to feel traumatized about this shit once it’s all over.

Why did it have to happen to him? Out of all people, this asshole chose Jaewon. He doesn’t deserve this, to have some sicko come in and try to steal him away from the world as if he were a possession to keep and be lost.

That’s probably the exact reason they went after Jaewon. Seeing as how he’s such an amazingly kind person, they probably talked to him once, had a nice interaction, and then became completely convinced that he was into them. A sad world to live in, with people like that. But there are worse, and thank god this stalker isn’t one of them.

So now what does he do? Maybe he can try to wiggle his way out while the stalker’s distracted, or whatever that is they’re doing. The cables feel kind of loose on his hands...Hm. Minsoo makes an attempt to tug at the restraints, fidgeting with the knot and twisting his wrists every which-way, before accidentally tipping the whole chair over with the force of his efforts.

“Shit!” He cries as his cheek hits the ground.

In the distance, he hears the front door fly open, and footsteps come running, closer and closer. Oh crap, is that their rescue? But who could’ve known? Maybe they heard him yelling through the door. Minsoo resumes his screaming, in hopes that it’s true. 

“Hey! Hey help us! Hey!"

And of course, the man that stormed in, slamming the bedroom door open, is no one other than Dongho. Huffing and puffing, his hair is a wind-blown mess, and his eyes,  _ oh _ his eyes, filled with an uncontrollable rage, similar to the crashing of waves against a cliff in the midst of the night, where terror and certain death awaits you if you’re not careful.

“Dongho! You’re here, how did you find out?!”

He utters no response, instead running at Minsoo and wordlessly untying him. His aching wrists and ankles break free from the restraints, and he shoots up, ready to move. 

“Call the cops,” Dongho whispers, urging Minsoo along as he heads off to get the sleeping man beside him. As asked, he dials the number as he watches his boyfriend release and carry an unconscious Jaewon to his bed.

“You should probably text Dae too, he might want to know about this.”

“Sure, hyung.”

Dongho kneels by Jaewon’s side, watching as his chest slowly rises and falls. His hands slowly find their way to the sleeping male’s hair and he strokes, slowly and easily. But Minsoo can see it, how his hands tremble with rage. For their sake, he does nothing to the person curled up beside Minsoo. Were they not there, it’d be a much, _ much _ different story. 

  
But thank whatever force out there that blessed them enough today. Minsoo had picked up his phone, realizing it had been on call with Dongho for the past twenty minutes or so. That must have happened when the stalker slapped it.

Minsoo sits himself on Jaewon’s bed, sighing quietly as his eyes search the face of the person still on the ground before him, unmoving and silent. 

_ ‘What kind of shit did they have to go through to end up doing stuff like this?’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord Link](https://discord.gg/rsg4KzydgJ)


	23. and the world will surely heal my ills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cops come, and Jaewon is left to decide what he wants to do about this issue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also this chapter comes with a bonus! It will be labeled at the end <3

Dongho runs a hand through his hair. “I’ll go outside to wait for the cops. You stay here and take care of Jaewon, okay? I’ll be up soon.”

“Alright.” Minsoo nods, watching his boyfriend walk out of the bedroom. Damn it, why did this piece of shit stalker have to show up today, of all days? He was really craving the ramen too…

Pulling out his phone, Minsoo sighs and places a hand on his growling stomach. Maybe he can still get something later. Not ramen though, he promised Jaewon he’d take him. He should scroll through his saved instagram posts for somewhere new to visit.

After a good ten minutes (with Minsoo still not able to find a suitable place to grab a meal), Dongho comes marching in with two police officers following closely behind him. He points them to the person on the ground. 

“That’s them.”

“Looks like we got another nutcase on our hands. We’ll get them outta here.”

The two officers take the stalker by the arms and lead them out without protest as Dongho drifts along with them, leaving Minsoo and Jaewon alone in his room yet again. 

He sighs. How’s Jaewon going to feel about this when he wakes up? Minsoo doesn’t know much about what happened to him, but he’s gotta at least be aware that he has—had—a stalker. Thankfully, they had no opportunity to escape. Jaewon isn't going to have to worry about all this crap anymore, fearing that there’ll be a face in the darkness, lurking behind every corner. God, he can’t imagine living that kind of life. 

Soon enough, Dongho walks in again, his stride much smoother than it had been earlier. He walks up to Minsoo’s side, whispering a silent, “Jaewon’s ok?”

He nods. “Yeah, he’s fine, just unconscious.”

“Good,” Dongho groans, draping himself over Minsoo’s smaller shoulders in a lazy embrace. His partner laughs, trying to support the weight on top of him

“You tired?”

“Yeah, I guess. I was just calling to ask you where you went before I was going to go back to sleep. I only got five hours.”

“Man, you need to sleep more. Music can wait, you—”

“Huh...Min...Minsoo? Dongho?”

The two whip around to see who had just spoken. Obviously, it was a sleepy Jaewon, his hair a fluffy mess and his eyes half lidded with leftover sleepiness. A mirthful laugh slips from Minsoo’s lips at the sight. He’s kinda cute.

“What happened?”

Minsoo freezes, looking from his boyfriend to the man in the bed.“Oh, um…” He gestures slightly to Jaewon, “Dongho, you should probably explain…”

Dongho sighs, as if to say _‘Fine.’_ as he turns to his friend. He musters a smile, hopefully convincing enough to keep him calm.

“You...Jaewon, remember when that one guy used to follow you around all the time? The one that was always in the cafe, until that day he choked you and um—Jun and I brought you home.”

Ah. So that’s what happened that day? Dongho never mentioned Jun being part of the picture...But it makes sense. He didn’t want to make it a big deal with him, did he? It’s not really Minsoo’s problem anyway.

“Oh, the person that took pictures of me?” Jaewon asks in response, “I remember them.”

“Yeah, the one that—wait, they took pictures of you?! You never told us that. But yes, them. They...they broke in and knocked you both out. I just called Minsoo’s phone in time, and I guess it accidentally answered or something, because somebody picked up, and I overheard the whole conversation and called the police.”

Jaewon nods his head in understanding as Dongho talks, seemingly half thankful and half frightened. Hopefully this won’t leave too much of a lasting impression on him. He doesn’t need this kind of trauma.

“They’ve been taken away by the cops already. If you want, I can help you get a temporary restraining order and then we can press charges against them. You don’t need this kind of shit worrying you.”

“I don’t want to press charges.” Jaewon murmurs, shyly tugging at a lock of knotted hair, “I just want the restraining order.”

“You—?!” Dongho feels the urge to protest against this decision. How could he want to drop charges? This is his own safety he’s risking for the sake of someone else. But, ultimately, _it is_ his decision, “Ok then...I’ll help you get a restraining order. But why? What if they come back again?”

“I...I feel like they won’t. Maybe they will, but that’ll be on me next time. Thank you so much, Dongho, I really appreciate that.” He smiles, his eyes gleaming with happiness, and perhaps relief. Dongho flushes.

“Y-yeah, of course, but...Jaewon, If that’s your reasoning, I think you should really press charges. They’re probably mentally ill, they need help. Without an indictment, they might never get it.”

Jaewon doesn’t say anything. Is...that true? Would it be better for them if they did send this stalker away to be helped in a professional organization? Suddenly, Jaewon’s act of kindness seemed to lose its reason. Maybe he’s too easily swayed. Well, that part he knows for sure is true, but Dongho did have a logical argument.

“You’re right...I’ll do it. I want them to get help, not an excuse to do it again.”

The ensuing silence had no time to settle upon them, as loud, rapping knocks land on Jaewon’s front door. Dongho quickly excuses himself to check it as Minsoo moves over to fluff Jaewon’s hair.

It’s Daehyun, wearing a worried face and a frantically put-together outfit of a purple parrots hoodie and yellow corduroys. “What happened?!” He cries, pushing at Dongho’s shoulders, “Is Jaewon ok?! Let me in!”

“Okay, okay, calm down Dae.” Dongho eases the younger man, placing a hand on his shoulder and gently guiding him over to the room. He sprints inside, eager to find his friend. 

“Jaewon!” He throws himself across his hyung still lying on his bed, hugging tightly, “Are you okay?! I heard what happened! One of you, explain!”

Minsoo and Jaewon laugh, listening as Dongho explains once more what had happened. They’re all such good friends to him...always there to support, always have his back in times of need. He’s _safe_.

***

By the time everyone ended up leaving, the daylight surrendered to darkness, and the night was in the sky once again. Jaewon wanders around his home, waiting for his instant ramen to cool down. It’s a shame, the cafe’s in a bit of a tough spot as of late, so he has to cut back a bit on his expenses for the month. Hopefully he won’t get sick of all this cheap food.

Yawning, he sleepily recalls older memories of what things his stalker did before, back when he gave him those notes and such. All that emotion condensed into words on a page, clouding the air upon exposure. Despite how creepy and terrifying they were, Jaewon did his best to empathize. That person must’ve been so lonely, so tired of being ignored or rejected that any little bit of joy they feel, they latch onto and never forget.

How are they now? Are they ok? He’s supposed to appear before a judge in a few days...Hopefully they won’t be too upset about it. After all, this is helping them, right? Then again, they did ruin going to work, back when they still hung out at the Coffee Temple. He can’t just forget about that...

But there’s no use in this doubt, is there? Jaewon made a decision. The best he can do is hope for the best for them, that they find someone or something else to guide them, to help them see better days and not resort to dangerous hyperfixation that not only hurts others, but also themself.

What a miracle it was that Dongho and Minsoo arrived on time. Speaking of them, he should probably send them a ‘thank you’! They deserve it, without them who knows what would have happened?

He pulls out his phone and taps out a quick message.

‘ Thank you so much for helping me today! I don’t know what I’d do without you. ’

And surprisingly, not half a minute later, Minsoo replies.

‘ **ofc :) we’re always here for u** ’

Satisfied, Jaewon tucks away the phone and grabs his ramen, ready to settle in for the night.

_‘What should I tell Jun tomorrow? Hopefully he won’t be too worried about hearing about the stalker again…’_

###### Cookie:

Jaewon walks into the Coffee Temple, putting his phone on silent and stuffing it into his pocket for the day. Jun appears before him, a sleep deprived phantom with a cup of coffee in hand. 

“A latte for you. Your favorite, right?”

Jaewon playfully pouts at him, reaching for the cup, “Juuuun! That’s my second favorite.”

“I know, I’m joking. It’s your daily flat white.”

“Jun! I thought we were best friends!”

The man smiles, holding the cup above his head. “Not a flat white? Then...hmm, what’s your favorite again? Oh yeah, black coffee. Here you go, you weirdo,” He hands the cup to the giggling male, “How is it that your favorite is straight black but your second favorite is drowned in milk? I don’t get you.”

“Coffee is not to be ‘got’ Jun. It’s an  _ artform _ .” Jaewon laughs, placing his things down in the back room, “Anyway, guess what happened yesterday?”

“What?”

“Remember my stalker? Apparently, he knocked Minsoo and I out and tied us up, but then we got saved and I was asleep for the whole thing. Good thing is, the police arrested them.”

“ _ What?! _ You got  _ what?! _ Jaewon!”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord](https://discord.gg/rsg4KzydgJ)


	24. get that sunny feeling and you're on your way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongho and Minsoo see something in him they've never noticed before.

_ Tck Tck Tck _

Dongho saunters over to the door, curious to see if this person knocking is who he thinks it is. Jaewon had texted the group chat that day, expressing sorrow over his empty refrigerator that just couldn’t be filled until the week was over. Of course, seeing this opportunity, Minsoo jumped at the chance of having him over and insisted for him to join them in a “feast” tonight. Not much of a feast really, it’s one dish they plan to split.

He opens the door. 

“Hey, Jaewon.”

“Hi Dongho! Thank you for inviting me over.”

Dongho nods, shutting the front door and picking a scrap of trash off the floor, “Yeah, of course.”

“Is Dae coming over too?” Jaewon inquires, hanging up his jacket and walking into the kitchen.

“No, he’s busy today.”

A good four months had passed since Jaewon’s last involvement in the ‘stalker’ case. Surprisingly, they had pleaded guilty on their first trial, and admitted to their mental issues affecting their reasoning and obstructing coherent thought. Jaewon hadn’t heard much about their sentencing in the end, as he preferred to not be informed of the results at all. He would rather remain ignorant and able to sleep at night than be haunted by guilt, like a shadow hanging over him and whispering that he’s the reason this person was shipped away to whatever institution or prison or something.

Is it a smart idea? Most likely not. But this is his mental health that’s on the line. 

The days following the incident had been surreal, for him at least. As if he was walking on a cloud. Was it really him that this happened to? Not a story on the news, but him? It was almost inconceivable, had it not been for the fact that he got a _ very real _ reminder every time he’d walk into his room for bed.

Eventually, he began to accept the idea that it all indeed happened, and that nothing he could tell himself would change this fact. Each time he’d begin to forget about the incident, something small would remind him, and again he’d be back to square one, still terribly disturbed by whatever may be hiding in his closet at night. Maybe it really wasn’t true that the reassurance of his stalker being caught and jailed would be enough to soothe his nightmares.

At least, as the time passed, he was able to come to terms with the fact that if anything happened to him while he’s in bed, there would have been nothing he could do about it. No amount of preparation could hinder what’s to come. 

Jaewon takes a peek at what awaits him. In the kitchen, Minsoo stands proudly before the counter, ingredients laid out in their respective food groups (at least according to his own judgment). 

“We’re gonna make lasagna!” He proclaims, slamming his hands down on the counter. Jaewon almost laughs. Correction, he does laugh, but quickly disguises it as a cough.

“Oh, you’re so cute, Soo! Lets see...I can help you guys!” He smiles, walking past the counter island and up to the male, bouncing with eagerness.

“No, I’m not!”

“Yeah you are,” Dongho chuckles, joining them behind the counter island.

“Oh, shut up! Anyway, that sounds cool, let’s get started already.”

The three pull on their aprons and wash their hands, ready to prepare the recipe as they bustle around the kitchen, pushing past each other and reading the procedure all at once off of Minsoo’s greasy, tomato covered phone.

“Put the sauce on the bottom first,” Minsoo reads, peering at the small print on his screen, “But why? I thought you have to pick it out like a cake, why would it be like that?

“I think it’s so it doesn’t burn the noodles, hyung.”

“That’s stupid!” He huffs, laying wet noodles down on the bottom of his glass dish.”

Dongho ‘tsk’s and stops his hand, interrupting him with a, “No, no, take that off. The recipe says sauce first, you have to be  _ exact _ .”

“Oh, you and your  _ exactness, _ it doesn’t matter, man! It’s pasta!”

In the midst of their bickering, Jaewon moves forward to pluck up the strips of pasta in the pan and lay them back in their bowl before scooping up a heap of the meat sauce and spreading it along the bottom, as if he were already well-versed in the ways of lasagna-making. He laughs, a carefree air seemingly helping him glide along so easily as he then brings the noodles back in, laying them as delicately as his long, pale fingers could.

“See, the video does it like that,” He continues, his voice a lulling melody.

As it turns out, none of this instruction manages to have any imprint on them. In fact, their senses seem to be caught on  _ him _ , with how graceful his movements are and how sweet his tone appeals to their ears.

Minsoo excuses himself, taking Dongho along with him.

“J-Jaewon, give us a quick second, will you? Dongho, come here.” He leads the taller male over to the side, throwing an arm over the other’s broad shoulders as well as his small stature would allow. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing??” He whispers, shaking the male’s arm.

“Hell yeah I am.”

“Dongho, are we going to start doing this? Getting serious about Jaewon?”

“I don’t know yet,” He responds, scratching his head, “I don’t know.”

“I finished the lasagna!” Jaewon calls from the kitchen, wiping his hands and placing dirty-sauce covered dishes in their sink. 

“Oh, okay, put it in the oven!” Minsoo answers him, before quickly turning back to his boyfriend to whisper, “We can talk about this later.”

“Okay.”

***

The three spend something short of an hour waiting for their food to finish chatting together, sharing small bits and pieces of their lives, just enough to spark small conversations here and there.

Jaewon’s phone rings with the end of the lasagna’s cool-down timer, and Minsoo stands up to retrieve it.

“I’ll cut you guys the pieces. Dongho, I ought to give you half of what we get, you barely helped at all.”

“What do you mean? I boiled the pasta!”

“That’s literally it, boiling pasta is so easy.”

“If it’s so easy, why do you always ask me to do it for you? Oh  _ right _ , you don’t know how.” Dongho snorts, leading his dark-haired friend to the couch to wait for Minsoo.

“Hyung, you don’t know how to cook pasta?”

Minsoo stomps over, three plates balanced on his arms as he practically tosses one to Dongho. “I  _ do _ know how to cook pasta. I just don’t know how long to leave it.”

“Basically, he doesn’t.”

“I do too! You tall motherfucker, just watch when you’re sleeping, I’m gonna get you so good.”

With that, Jaewon takes the first bite, thoughtfully consuming. He grins. 

“This is good, this is good! But I wish Dae would make it for us.”

Minsoo tries it next.  _ ‘Jaewon is right, it tastes great but it feels so tough.’ _ Minsoo notes, unwilling to admit he failed at his task.

“Yeah, me too,” Dongho agrees, perhaps with a little more emphasis to be dismissed as simple observation, “Dae’s a great cook”

“Speaking of Dae, we gotta call him later.” The brunet winks at Dongho, who nods in response. 

Jaewon just happens to catch this exchange. “Why? What’s up?” He inquires.

“Oh...no reason!”

“I see...Oh yeah, Dongho,” He turns to the male, perhaps a bit hesitantly, “I wanted to mention. Jun’s writing a book. Just thought you might like to know, since you’re uh—brothers and all.”

Jaewon might not know explicitly what issue Dongho has with his brother (really, his whole family in general), but he seems to understand that whatever it is, Dongho’s not the one holding a grudge here. Perhaps that’s why he wanted to bring this up, to let him know of what Jun himself would never say.

The older male doesn’t verbally respond, but he nods slightly, a grateful smile on his lips.

“You guys wanna watch a movie?” Minsoo interrupts, seeming to not sense what kind of tacit understanding that had just been formed. But it’s fine. He doesn’t need to be involved in every problem Dongho has.

“Oh yes! Do you have anything in mind?”

“Yeah, I was actually wanting to watch that new drama series that came out, the one they made for Lookism. I heard the guy that plays Daniel's second body is actually the author’s brother.”

“You mean the guy that it was originally based on? Soo, that was the whole point.”

“Hey, don’t blame me for not knowing, nobody told me! Anyway, this better be good.”

***

Minsoo dials in Dae’s number, long after Jaewon had gone back home and Dongho returned from dropping him off.

Not even three rings in, Daehyun picks up.

“Dae!”

“What is it, hyung?

_ “Why didn’t you tell us that Jaewon’s complete boyfriend material?!” _

“You barely noticed now?! Dumbass, do you even know him? He’s the sweetest person ever, he’s interesting,  _ and _ he’s super pretty. What’s there not to love?”

“...”

“Hello?”

“Dae...I think we’re catching feelings.”

“I don’t blame you.”

Dongho, who had been silent, listening this whole time, smirks as he sidles up to his boyfriend. “So...are we going to do the same thing to him that you two did to me?”

Minsoo nods a bit. “That’d be nice, I think I’m into that idea.” He murmurs.

“W-wait, you mean like tell him we like him?! Just like that?”

“Yeah, why not? Aww, are you shy about it, Dae?”

“No! Just a little bit, but still!”

Dongho swoops in and _ oh-so elegantly _ steals the phone out of Minsoo’s hand, much to his annoyance. “Dae, you’re adorable, realize that.” He laughs into the microphone.

“Hey, I already know I am! But still, it’s funny that we’re just collecting people like it’s a club. And an exclusive club at that!” the youngest laughs, “But uh, do you think we should like...come up with a plan for this?”

“Nah, we should just be upfront with it, tell him exactly what we’re trying to say and let him know we’re not demanding reciprocation. We don’t even know if he likes us back. It’s a good thing he’s not in the band, or else any rejection would tear us apart.” Dongho explains to him, his arms crossed as he waits for a response.

“Well, you’re right about that, I just don’t think that if we  _ were _ in a band, he’d just cut us off and leave. He’s so nice, all we’d get is an apology...but still, you and minsoo have to tell him. I’m too nervous.” 

The eldest chuckles, the same kind that always sends shivers up Minsoo’s spine.

“Like I said, you’re cute when you’re shy.”

“Oh, I know, you don’t have to tell me.”

Minsoo interjects, perhaps feeling a bit left out of the conversation, “We’ll call you back tomorrow or something. Talk to you later, Dae.”

With a beep signifying the end of the call, Minsoo makes an attempt to high five Dongho (who can never get used to these kinds of interactions, thinking that his boyfriend was suddenly trying to hit him.), and leaves to brush his teeth for the night.

He stares into the mirror, the peppery taste of the toothpaste bringing tears to his eyes and practically burning his tongue off. 

_ ‘We said we’d be upfront about this, but what does that mean? What are we even going to do…?’ _

Somehow, Minsoo feels himself resisting this approach. There’s something inside him making his stomach feel airy and empty at the thought of it all. Is this the kind of hesitation Daehyun feels? Maybe it’s best if he ignores it.

Minsoos nods to himself, rinsing out his mouth and heading off to say goodnight to Dongho. 

Yeah, it probably is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord](https://discord.gg/rsg4KzydgJ)


	25. my fine friend, take me with you and love me forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minsoo makes a mistake, and Dae comes to see how fast, too fast, they've been moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're a quarter of the way through. I hope it's good enough <3 i'm sorry for my low quality work, I don't know what's wrong with me lately.

The familiar scent of cinnamon and hot coffee surrounds him as he enters the Coffee Temple. The night outside is cold and unforgiving to the midnight workers that venture out in the dark, but here, inside the café, Minsoo’s safe. As if he could just stay here, warm, untouched by the world and it’s evils that so viciously ravage those that don’t know how to get away from it.

Every time the brunet finds himself at the Coffee Temple, he vividly recalls the moment he limped inside with his twisted ankle, led by Jaewon’s hand. It was rather nostalgic, looking at every chair, every appliance, every little bit and piece that made the café itself. Nothing’s changed since then, still the same safe haven he felt it to be in the beginning.

Jaewon had sent the group chat (consisting of Minsoo, Daehyun, Dongho, and Jaewon himself) a message an hour earlier, asking if there were anyone free to help him get home safe, as Jun took time off work that night for a job interview at a tattoo-and-piercing parlour. So of course, how could Minsoo deny spending a night with Jaewon? Even if it is just a quick trip as an escort to home. 

The young man in question was just behind the counter, his back turned as he busied with cleaning the counter. 

“Jaewon.” Minsoo calls. 

“Ah, Minsoo! You’re here,” He smiles, wiping a bit faster, “Thank you so much for helping me. I really appreciate it. I’m just cleaning up, I’ll be done in a second.”

Minsoo nods, walking up behind him as he examines the coffee machines. The _‘brrr’_ calms him, reminding him of the early mornings before school back when he was a kid, when his mom would brew a bit of tea for him to calm the chill.

The entrancing effect it has on him becomes so strong, he lays the back of his hand against it, not realizing they haven’t yet had time to cool down and are still rather hot. Suppressing a yelp of pain, Minsoo brings his hand to his chest and out of sight. Of course, Jaewon had seen it, the dark mark on his hand, similar to a scar. He knows what it is, as he’s received many of the same minor injuries in the past. 

“Minsoo, you burned yourself!”

“Huh? No I didn’t”

“Yes you did,” Jaewon pushes, reaching out to grasp his arm, “I saw it. Let me take care of it, come here and sit down.”

He pushes the man towards a seat and urges for him to rest before rushing off to find his burn kit. “It’s ok! I’ll deal with it— _ah_ —I’ll deal with it at home.”

“No, I’ll help you, just hold on a second.”

He slices a piece of aloe vera and applies the slimy substance to Minsoo, firmly maintaining his grasp as the other male squirms a bit at the sudden contrast.

As he slowly begins adapting to the sensation, he notices that this situation seems...oddly familiar. Of course, just a year and half ago, when he first met Jaewon on the café step outside, looking up from his busted ankle, up to see the face of kindness and compassion gazing back at him.

And here he still is, the same as he’s always been. Always insisting on helping those that need it, and even sometimes those that don’t. Perhaps, just for a second, he looks like an angel.

If only Minsoo hadn’t seen it.

Jaewon laughs a bit, apparently also recalling the same memory they shared. “Remember the first time I fixed you up, back when we were—”

He doesn’t have a chance to finish his reminiscing. With one simple motion so quick, Minsoo cups Jaewon’s cheek and brings it near, their lips meeting in the heat of a moment only one of the two had consented to.

The kiss doesn’t last longer than a good five seconds. Minsoo pulls away, coming to his senses and realizing what he’s done.

_‘Shitshitshitshitshit—! What kind of TV drama crap did I just pull?!’_

Meanwhile Jaewon, his face aglow, seems to be at a loss for words. “Minsoo, you—!”

“I’m sorry Jaewon...I didn’t—I’m sorry.”

Jaewon says nothing, standing up and rushing into the back room to get his stuff before walking out and locking up, with Minsoo trailing wordlessly behind him.

The two remain silent for the duration of the entire walk, still processing what just happened between them.

Minsoo knows what his problem is. He’s heard of this kind of attraction. Infatuation. It’s not love, it’s just...a form of admiration, something superficial. If he can put a name to the exact reason he “loves” him, it’s likely that it’s not true sentiment.

God, that—why does it hurt so much? 

He had wanted to believe that this would be easy, like a fairy tale’s love at first sight. But it’s so _painful_ , having to ignore this feeling because it’s not certain that it’s real.

And it’s not fair to Jaewon, to act like he knows what he’s feeling when it’s not clear cut either way. 

The only consolation he might have is just that. He doesn’t know for sure whether this is surface-level affection or true, blossoming _love_. 

All the more reason to not force it upon him. Sure, he’d be happy for a little while. But if it ends up being a phase, and all the beautiful fluff and magic he had seen before fades away, leaving only a human behind, what would he do? Then what would happen? Nothing but unnecessary heartbreak that he doesn’t want Jaewon to go through.

The voice of his companion pulls him out of his deep thoughts. “Ah, we’re here. Thank you for walking me home, Minsoo. Bye.” 

He leaves Minsoo, walking up to the sliding automatic doors that grant him access to his apartment with a beep of a keychain. The brunet nods, his eyes refusing to meet the others as turns on his heel and walks away.

Jaewon longingly watches him go, his legs refusing to take him inside. He sighs.

_‘Why did it have to be this way?’_

***

“Minsoo?”

  
“Soo, what’re you calling us both for?”

He doesn’t respond yet. He set up a group phone call with his boyfriends to explain the situation before heading home. Just in case.

“I’m sorry,” He mutters, “I kissed Jaewon. I don’t know why, or what happened, it just did. I’m really sorry—I just...I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, but it happened, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even know if I really _love_ him, I just I love this idea of him, but I don’t really _know_ him—” Tears begin to boil within him, and his voice loses the stability it always seems to know, “And it’s not fair to you all, having to put up with my shit. I’m sorry for doing this to you, I’m so _sorry_.”

The chill of the night, the rush of the cars passing by him on the streets, and the deafening silence that Daehyun and Dongho just _refuse to break_ prolongs his anticipation, turning seconds into minutes as he paces the alley he’s in.

“Minsoo…” Dae whispers through the phone, “I understand you. I don’t...I don’t really mind what you did, because I know we all feel the same way but—I guess I just wish you didn’t. And you’re right...We don’t really know him, do we?

“Yeah,” agrees Dongho, who seemed to be absent from conversation up until that moment, “he is right. I don’t care that you kissed him, I understand why it happened, but please, next time _think_ before you start doing shit like this. Control your impulses, and come home already.”

“Y-you’re not upset?” 

Dongho wastes no time in responding, “I’m not.”

Daehyun doesn’t seem to feel the same. He says nothing. Minsoo sighs.

“I know, Dae...I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Just give me some time, Soo. I love you.” He chokes over the line, obvious emotion getting a hold of him. Minsoo’s heart breaks at the thought of Dae being alone at home, sobbing over the fact that Minsoo so casually kissed someone else like that. He doesn’t blame him. 

Daehyun hangs up.

“You should send him a message or something, and come home soon. It’s late.”

“I will. See you soon.”

Minsoo sighs, leaning back against a dirty wall as he smiles at the thought of just going home, having a shower and falling asleep. He pulls out his phone and taps on Dae’s contact, puzzling over what he should say. He doesn’t want his boyfriend to think he’s doing this just to placate him, because he’s not. But how can he write something straight from the heart? 

Maybe he won’t succeed, but he’ll damn well do his best at it. He begins typing.

‘Dae, it’s ok if you won’t forgive me, because you have every right to, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you, and I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you or Dongho. You two are the most important people in my life, and I’ll do anything you need me too. Have a good night, I love you.’

Is that good enough? He doesn’t know, but he wrote it straight, no pauses or second thoughts involved. Someone once told him that's where the best messages come from, so he hits send and goes back to his contact list. 

Scrolling down, he examines the name of the man he most dreaded facing again. Jaewon. Should he apologize again through text? Right now?  
  


He taps on it anyway, ignoring his doubts. If he’s going to beat himself and that coward within him, he might as well start now.

‘I’m really, really sorry for what I did. Please don’t feel like you owe me anything or that im forcing you into any kind of commitment. I was being stupid and impulsive. I understand if you don’t want to be around me anymore, and I don’t blame you for that.’

Sliding his phone back into his pocket, Minsoo waits for his taxi.

***

Daehyun bounces into the Coffee Temple, his mood high. He had just been walking home from the gym, and decided to pop in to see his friend for the night. Maybe this is just what he needs, a Minsoo-free night. It sounds mean, but sometimes it’s necessary.

“Jaewon! What’s up? You ok?” He calls to him, sliding into a chair.

“Hm?” He turns to look at the younger, “Oh, yeah. I am.”

It’s pretty obvious he’s not. His eyes are sad, and his voice more subdued than normal. Dae has an inkling of exactly what it might be. Not even an inkling, really, he’s pretty sure of what it is.

“Hey, Jaewon...I know what Minsoo did, and I apologize on his behalf. He really does regret it.”

Only then does his hyung talk. On his face forms an unreadable quirk of the eyebrow, perhaps resulting from a sudden burst of a mix of pain and shame. “I didn’t mind much. I just felt bad because you’re all in a relationship already and I didn’t want to ruin anything…Thank you though.” He replies, stuffing keys into pockets. 

“Oh,” Daehyun nods, “Well—thank you for worrying.”

“Of course...by the way, um, would you like to sleep over at my place today? It’s okay if you’re busy or you want to go home or something...I just wanted to watch a movie, but I didn’t want to do it alone.”

“Oh, definitely! I’ll always want to spend time with you, hyung.”

Jaewon beams, much brighter than any usual person would at the acceptance of a hang-out offer. But that’s just what makes him himself. Daehyun wouldn’t try to change him for anything. The two stand up and make their way out of the café.

***

And so, here Dae is, his face ridiculously hot, and his heart seeming fit to burst out of his chest as he lays back on Jaewon’s couch, the older male asleep and cuddled in his arms, with the only sounds filling Daehyun’s ears being the background gunshots of the western onscreen, and the consistent rise and fall of the smaller male’s breath.

_‘Oh god, how am I going to pretend I don’t have feelings for him like this? Is this what Minsoo felt like?’_

Seeing as Jaewon’s already asleep, Dae turns the TV off, and carries him to his bed before laying him down and tucking him in. He leaves a small green cat plushie he found by his head, and heads out to sleep on the couch. Hopefully it won’t be too cold of a night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord](https://discord.gg/rsg4KzydgJ)


	26. can anybody find me somebody to love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaewon begins to notice the distance between him and them, while Eunoia celebrates the release of their first studio album.

Weeks turned to months as the memory of Minsoo’s first mistake, and those initial feelings about Jaewon faded and turned distant.

Since then, the simplest solution to their predicament had been to ignore it all. Of course, they knew what that meant. The platitudes often said, “Ignoring the problem will never solve it or make it go away,” but it was doing a damn good job so far. A break from considering any new love interest was good for them. They’d be able to focus on themselves and each other, as normal lovers should. A perfect union, undisturbed and to be left that way for as long as they choose. 

But even then, after reinforcing their “coterie”, Jaewon still  _ somehow _ found a way in. Every time they’d see his face, they’d remember how they wanted him, and how Minsoo made that mistake and initiated something they knew nothing about, or where it might be going as the time passes.

No, that was more Jaewon’s problem now. Only he felt the effects of what had happened then, from that day onwards. 

At first it was all startling and upsetting.  _ ‘Minsoo is in a relationship!’ _ He had told himself,  _ ‘How could he kiss another person so easily?’ _

Then when they all eventually talked it over, insisting that they were fine and that Minsoo had repented what he did, it soothed him, knowing he wasn’t a disturbance. But...it also sparked something he himself had come to regret feeling.

This sentiment, one that he couldn’t put a name to. It wasn’t any sort of fuzziness, the same way he felt in the beginning, but more of just a general happiness to be in their presence, stronger than it had ever been before. A love of being around them, talking to them, making the effort to be there for them. 

And of course, out of this love came pain. He couldn’t help but notice how they seemed to act around him. No longer was there any trace of the affection Minsoo had shown him. They were distancing themselves, and it was all too obvious.

Noticing their own response to his presence only results in Jaewon’s own anxiety as he ponders their relationship. What if they didn’t want to be involved with him anymore, and it’d be all his fault? Of course, there is the chance they’re just busy. He doesn’t have a right to snoop and ask about every aspect of their business. 

Perhaps the only thing to be done was wait. It’s not like he has a decision on whether to keep or rid himself of their friendship. People always say to cut negative energy out of one’s life, but without it, he’d have nothing. And he’d rather have the negative than nothing. They’re all he’s got, outside of Jun and Nari.

_ ‘What a pathetic person I am.’ _

In other, more favorable news, Eunoia (Minsoo, Dongho, Daehyun and Yoonhee’s band, if a case of momentary amnesia overcomes you) has made extreme progress in their success. It was only by a stroke of luck that, after playing at a restaurant on the outskirts of Seoul, they were able to send a demo to and sign a deal with PTJ records, an rising startup company looking for unrecognized talent. Of course Eunoia wasn’t exactly _ unrecognized _ , it was an up-and-coming group in the local music industry, seeing as how 80 percent of venues around know the band members by name.

Apparently, a couple of PTJ’s A&R men had been present that night to hear Eunoia perform. They asked for a meeting to discuss a potential business affair and a demo to send to listen to, and perhaps even consider for a deal. Long story short, Eunoia was able to finally record and release their debut album, titled  _ Phosphene _ .

To celebrate this occasion, the band took it down to the same run-down dive bar in which Daehyun was introduced for the first time. Nostalgia is a bittersweet emotion. Why not relish it?

The four bandmates, cheering and shouting for each other, clink their glasses and laugh in their bliss. After taking a gulp of his water (chosen for him by Daehyun, as it was his turn to drive everyone home), Minsoo turns to Dongho. 

“What’s with you and the English words?” He chortles, slapping the taller male’s back, “Nobody even knows what ‘Phosphene’ is, so why would they want to listen to it?”

“Hey, on the contrary, it’ll make them curious. They’ll  _ want _ to know what it is.”

“Not everyone’s like you, hyung, people are just going to think it’s weird.”

“Even if they do, we’ve got tons of followers online!” Yoonhee interjects, hiccupping, “We’ll be well known in no time. Besides, we’re all hot. Nobody’s going to be able to resist us.”

“Confident, are you? Well, I think I’ve got something else to interest our crowd, if that doesn’t work…”

Dae stands up from the table, excusing himself to go outside. It’s not that he’s annoyed or upset...he just needs some tranquility to distract him. Leaning against the black bricked wall, he sighs and looks up at the sky. It’s so still, so calm. 

Look just how far he’s come. From a depressed, anti-social interior design major, to this ball of glamour and charisma (that he may or may not have picked up from Minsoo) in a band and on his way to stardom.

_ ‘Mom...Dad...Thank you.’ _

They had been nothing but supportive when he ended up telling them after their first album released. Even his mother, who he expected to cause a fuss of some sort over his decision, applauded his bravery and hard work. What did he do to deserve such wonderful parents?

A voice startles him, coming from his side. “Hey, you good, man?” It asks. Dae turns to look at them. A blond male, with a scar between his eyebrows and freckles on his cheeks. How strange...he’s never met people with freckles before!

“Yeah.” 

“Here, have one,” The man extends his hand, a cigarette pinched between his thumb and forefinger, “You look like you need somethin’ to calm you down.”

_ ‘I don’t smoke, thank you,’ _ is what he wants to say. But he’s going to become a rock star (or at least a musician) now, isn’t he? He should just try it. Daehyun takes the cigarette and lights it, similar to the way they do in the movies before taking a short puff.

A fire—or something of the like—erupts within him. Like scorching hot coals were poured down his throat. Nausea swirls within him, and he’s almost fit to vomit. 

“Oh shit, did you inhale it directly?”

Dae, who immediately was sent into coughing fits, is unable to respond. This seems to be enough for the blond man to give him a couple smart smacks on the back.

“Man, is this your first cigarette? You’re supposed to take it in like your drinking through a straw, open your mouth and  _ then _ inhale. I mean, _ obviously _ if this is your first time, it’s gonna burn but...shit that’s rough.”

The black haired male nods, hoping this man would spare him the embarrassment of being naïve. Luckily, he says nothing more about Dae’s struggle. 

“What’s your name, huh?”

“Daehyun. You?”

“Otto. I’m half German, if you were gonna ask. Yo, you look familiar. Whatchu do for a living, huh?”

“I’m in a band. Eunoia. You hear of us or something?” Dae coughs, leaning back against the wall. You can’t get cancer from one cigarette, right? He can just finish this one and leave. Hopefully his throat won’t start hurting...he can’t afford that, as one of the lead singers.

Otto only smirks, nodding. “I see,” he grins, “I see.”

From the door beside the two, Dongho walks out, searching for his boyfriend. He pauses, seeing the man conversing with someone else unfamiliar,  _ smoking _ .

This is wrong. It’s unsettling him, seeing the Dae doing this, starting something that Dongho knows can only lead to destruction. But he can’t say anything. Not right now, with his head pounding and the ground beneath him feeling as if it would fall with any wrong move. He’s too drunk for this shit.

“Ah...Dae. You’re busy? Minsoo’s going to drive us home in half an hour. If you want to come with us, get ready. If not...make sure to take a taxi...be safe.”

The other man only nods, turning back to his conversation with the blond with him. Dongho leaves, gritting his teeth. It must be the jealous man within him, convincing him that blond is up to no good. He shouldn’t be doing this, trying to control who Dae hangs out with.

But then, why does it feel so wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord](https://discord.gg/JAXtejPa9C)


	27. if i can’t have you when i’m waking, i’ll go to sleep and dream i’m with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaewon needs someone to help him, to comfort him. This time, it's not Daehyun, Minsoo, or Dongho, but rather someone he's known longer than anyone else.

There’s a pit in Jaewon’s stomach. An empty feeling, yearning for someone, something, anything to fill the void.

How did it come to be like this? He thought he could ignore it. If enough days passed by, those feelings would eventually dissipate and vanish. But no, they only festered, becoming an ugly development of unhappiness and jealousy within him. He has to get away.

Before he knows it, Jaewon’s grabbing his keys and heading out of the apartment. He knows where he’s going; A certain place he’s known for years, one that reminds him of home back in Daegu, before his mom moved them out just a little over half a decade ago.

It’s nothing too fancy, or nostalgic, or pretty. It’s a simple fountain, right outside a nearby mall. There's nothing particularly special about it, but it comforts him.

Jaewon stands before it, sighing. This is no unfamiliar feeling, emptiness. But to solve it, or at least convince himself he’s forgotten about it, there must be a cause to attribute it to. Now, why did this sort of longing arise in the first place?

It’s pretty simple, if you take it for what it is. Jaewon’s lonely. But he doesn’t deserve to call himself ‘lonely’ and pretend he’s got no one there for him. He has friends. Some people really have nobody. It’s just that—everything feels as if it’s him against the world, on his own. They don’t really seem to care about him anymore. 

Sure, it might not be true. They might be amazing, supportive people he couldn't ever find anywhere else. But then, why is he not allowed to enjoy it? Jaewon can’t see clearly and without an emotional bias. His mind and thoughts always become unusually clouded and unpredictable.

There’s just no telling whether he’s the problem, or they are. Maybe it’s both.

He’s certain about one thing. He’s a bother. It’s clear that Minsoo, Dongho and Daehyun are perfectly fine on their own. How dare he try to disturb that? All his life, he’s been outcast, ignored, ostracized. He should know better.

After all that, why hasn’t he learned? There was no one to comfort him in his youth. And now, that he’s gotten comfortable with the fact he has friends, he dare think he might deserve more? This is no act of self pity. No, he despises the thought. This is being realistic. There is no such thing as true friendship, or true love, and he should understand that before he gets hurt again.

But isn’t that so familiar? A memory comes to mind. He was young, watching cheesy romance movies of soft, easy-going women touching the hearts of hardened men, convinced there’s no room for emotion in the world. Is this him playing that part? Pretending it’s the world’s fault, and shutting out everything that may cause him harm simply because of cowardice?

He should know better than that, too. Real strength is not stoicism. It’s the power and ability to go through pain, to stand the pressure and not let it numb you. 

Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely, just as being surrounded by friends doesn’t mean you’re happy. As a kid, he had been happy, despite not having any other friends. 

On the contrary, people hated him for some reason. Again, faded memories suddenly become too vivid, too real. There were two kids he remembered orchestrating everything, somehow turning the entirety of his grade against him. Jeongha and Byeonggyu, those shits. 

Their faces, their voices, chanting still ingrained in his brain, his tears still burned into his cheeks, he can’t—

_ “Crybaby! Crybaby!” _

_ “He’s gonna  _ cryyy _! Jaewon’s gonna cry, teacher! He spilled  _ yogurt _ on himself!” _

Something irritates his lower eyelids, and _ god _ , it’s too much. He can’t cry, he can’t do this, not in  _ public _ —!

Why is he even remembering those days like this?! He should be over it by now... _ God _ he can’t cry, he can’t cry, he can’t cry, he can’t—

“Jaewon?”

These sudden spoken words startle him. Jaewon whips around, the wet of the tears in his eyes somehow becoming ten times more noticeable. 

It’s Jun. It’s not too surprising, seeing him here. Jaewon showed him this place once, a long time ago.

Jaewon plasters on a million dollar smile, and despite the continuous twitching of his lips and constriction of his throat, he makes his best effort to keep from wiping the tears of bleach that have gathered.

“Jun! H-hi! How—How are—”

Next thing he knows, there are arms wrapped around his body, and his face is tucked into the space between Jun’s neck and shoulder. It’s too obvious. He’s always been terrible at hiding his emotions.

The taller male says nothing to him, but Jaewon can sense what he’s trying to convey. Jun pats his back softly, almost as if saying, “Go ahead, it’s okay.” 

Neither of them have ever been very good with words.

He begins to sob, letting the concentrated emotion out in short bursts, each released through wails muffled by the cotton of Jun’s shirt. 

“Jaewon…” The younger man begins. He wants to say it, those couple words that had been ringing in his head for a good year or so now. But those words, stuck in his throat and chest go unsaid. He can’t do it. Not now.

Meanwhile, Jaewon laments over what he’s done. Despite the relief, he feels terrible. He’s burdening Jun with the job of being a shoulder to lean on. God...he’s done it again.

The taller man pulls away, laying a hand on his shoulder, pressing his thumb gently into it and rubbing circles. “You good now? I knew you were gonna cry.” He whispers.

And...although the words sting just a bit, Jaewon laughs. It’s like the time they first met. 

He had been walking home from somewhere, late at night. Tears were streaming down his face, because his Pomeranian, Chai, died just a while before. It just so happened that he had stopped outside of a shop or store front at some point to call a taxi, when out came a man, tall, dark haired and tattooed. He had been the only witness to his breakdown and somehow, from this awkward situation, sparked a conversation.

The next day Jaewon paid a visit to a place called Star Coffee. He had been looking to try out local cafes, just to see what they were like. He hadn’t expected to see a familiar face along with his morning Americano. There, behind the counter, was the man that went by the name of Jun.

Their exchange was awkward, to say the least. There were only a couple others in at the time, seeing as how it was the middle of the day and a much more popular shop was right across the street. This, of course, left much room for uncomfortable silences. Especially when Jaewon noticed that, written on his cup in place of a name, was the word “Crybaby”.

It just always seemed to show up in his life, some way or another.

To say the least, he was angry. He had done something he wouldn’t have, had it been any other offense. He confronted Jun, asking, “Why did you do this?”

“Do what?” He smirked.

  
“Why did you write this?”

“Because it’s funny.”

Jaewon had thought that would be the last of their interactions. He had assumed Jun was trying to be mean, out of the gap of recent acquaintance between them. Of course, as fate usually has it, this wasn’t the end.

Not a week later, the two encountered each other outside The Coffee Temple. Jun had actually sniggered aloud that day when he learned the circumstances.

“Why’s a café owner like you going around drinking from other places?” He had inquired.

“I’m not the owner,” Jaewon corrected, “My mom is.”

As it turned out, Star Coffee had gone out of business early that week, leaving Jun without his job. Seeing as how he was young and just barely out of early adolescence (which had surprised Jaewon when he first learned Jun was a year younger than him—a seventeen year old with a tattoo?), he needed to find somewhere else to work, and soon. It just so happened that The Coffee Temple was first to pop up on the list for “Wanting Baristas” on whatever website it was that Jun found. Jaewon interviewed him later that day, and from there began his life working at the Coffee Temple.

To think that Jun began as somebody that brought back bad memories, and soon enough turned into the very same man he knows today that never fails to ease his mind and sooth the distress his past left with him!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord](https://discord.gg/JAXtejPa9C)
> 
> And no, this isn't junjae, i just really love them :3 some of yall that dont ship it are gonna hate me im so sorry lmaoooo but they are such good friends in this one


	28. with matters of the heart, life is much too short to while away with tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The confession, and the end of a story that's just beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll see what I mean by the summary when i finish LCBAD :3 for now, this is the mini-ending!! If you don't want to stick around for the other 72 chapters, it's okay!!! You can stop here and be satisfied <333

It’s been three or four months.

Their love for Jaewon, and the recognition of the problems that it brought had not disappeared as they expected. Instead, it had been a lingering thought. Something that popped in and out of their lives at the worst and best of times, weakening whatever ounce of joy they might have left, or accentuating the euphoria of being alive. There was never an in-between.

They had tried to “solve it” through indecisive pondering, trying to gather feelings as if they were scooping sand to form into a ball. There’s no solution to a problem if you don’t even know what you’re trying to fix.

This time, the love (not only between them and Jaewon, but also for each other) wasn’t adoration. Not adoration, or infatuation, or even passion. It was all almost completely stripped of the attachment and fixation they had known before. That’s not to say the essence of their _ feelings  _ were any less. They still felt just as strong—if not stronger, as many say, absence makes the heart grow fonder—as they did before. But now, it was just...a sort of chemistry. They all fit together, filling gaps, like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. 

There was also peace, being in each other's company. No longer were there butterflies within, in their natural state. Now, their union was what they were meant to stay as. Separation felt strange and uncomfortable, as they yearned for each other when apart for too long. 

And even then, above their serenity was commitment and trust. Their relationship (platonic and otherwise) lacked none of it. There was no longer anything fluff-like or magical. Just simple happiness. 

Now, after these three or four months and many,  _ many _ discussions, arguments, and shed tears, the three have come to a decision.

They want to tell Jaewon about their feelings, full on. He’s not exactly the type of person to recognize even the most obvious of hints (“Dense as a brick wall,” Minsoo had called him), so in order to not waste their time in agonizing over who-says-what, a plan was made.

Of course, Minsoo was the one most determined to ask Jaewon about this whole topic, seeing as how Dae was far too anxious to be in this position, and Dongho only blushed at the thought, and said nothing, leaving Minsoo as their last hope (“Cowards, the lot of you,” He told them)

But then, why does it seem so hard now?! It’s the first day of the month—which was when they planned to tell Jaewon how they felt—and Minsoo is  _ not ready _ . Despite this, he won’t make up some bullshit excuse and wimp out. He knows full well that if you want something, you have to reach out and take it before someone else decides to steal it from you. Now, he’s not objectifying Jaewon, nor is he suggesting there might be another real suitor waiting on his hand, but there’s a point he’s trying to make! He needs to jump at the opportunity, because there’s a chance it’ll pass him by like nothing if he doesn’t.

Minsoo twirls his drumsticks as he leans back, waiting for Yoonhee to return from the bathroom. They’re in the middle of recording Dongho’s new project-thing he’s working on, insisting that he needs “raw” music for it to work. Whatever the hell “raw” music meant, anyway.

He lets his head loll to the side, eyes darting from the ceiling to the recording booth, to Jaewon (who often enjoyed tagging along to practice and recording sessions whenever he could). Ah, crap. Yoonhee’s out, Dongho and Daehyun are here, and Jaewon isn't asleep. This is the perfect moment to tell him. 

_ ‘Might as well do it now,’  _ Minsoo sighs, sitting up as his stomach churns with anxiety.

“Yah...Jaewon? We’ve—” His piercing gaze travels to Dongho and Daehyun, “—got something to tell you. To offer you, really.”

The other two taller males look at him, questioning, almost as if he were asking,  _ ‘Are we really doing it now?’ _

“Oh, what’s up Minsoo?” Jaewon inquires, tilting his head and smiling.

“Ah—Well, Dongho, Dae and I have been talking, and we just wanted to—well....we all were talking, and we found out that we all feel the same way about you, and—we would like to be  _ more _ than friends with you. Like...possibly lovers. O-of course you don’t have to answer my question—I mean, you don’t have to give any response, but we just wanted to ask if you’re interested, and it’s okay if you’re  _ not _ , it’s only an offer, we just—”

Fucking. Shit. 

What the hell is wrong with him? Stuttering, talking too fast, as if he hadn’t prepared himself, hyping himself up in the mirror every night and morning for this day? He lowers his head in shame.

Jaewon, meanwhile, scans the three men’s faces in silent shock. There’s no way. No way, no way, there’s no way what he’s saying is true, this must be a  _ prank _ . 

He quickly turns away from them, showing only his back. His voice is tearful and quivering as he speaks. “Don’t...Don’t joke around with me like that,” Jaewon makes a pathetic attempt at a laugh, only for it to come out broken and unconvincing.

“Jaewon,” Dongho calls, his voice rolling soft, similar to a rainstorm, “We’re...We’re not joking. It’s okay if you don’t reciprocate, but please—please don’t disregard our feelings and think we’re not serious. We’d never do that.”

_ ‘If I don’t reciprocate?’ _ Jaewon repeats internally,  _ ‘They know nothing about what I’ve been feeling. They don’t know that this is something that I’ve been thinking about nonstop, every night wishing it’d just disappear, that they’d get out of my head.’ _

He almost wants to get mad, to let them know how much pain he was in. But he won’t. They don’t deserve this, and he has no reason to get upset. It was exactly right that they knew nothing about how he felt. He never told them, nor did he ever try to hint at it at all. No, he was weak, and repressed it, pretending it just wasn’t there.

Jaewon straightens his shoulders and takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I’d like that...to be with you,” He whispers, “I feel the same way. And—I don’t want to feel lonely anymore.”

“Lonely?” Asks Dae.

“Yeah,” Jaewon nods, and—

He knows. There’s no doubt about it. They’ve been excluding him on purpose, hoping it would calm the flame of love they held for him. Of course, knowing it would do no such thing, they stopped. But, when did they start to consider how Jaewon might feel? When did they ever realize how obvious they were being? They spent time with him a lot less than they did with each other, after Minsoo’s mistake.

Daehyun, perhaps in a burst of emotion or sorrow, runs up and embraces the shorter man, squeezing him tight.

“We love you, Jaewon...I’m sorry,” He sobs. Jaewon crumples in his arms, sniffling and looking up to him with eyes glazed with oncoming tears. So large, so hopeful, and filled with undeniable _ love _ .

Minsoo and Dongho quickly notice what they’re missing and carefully tread their way over with searching arms, longing for someone to hold and comfort and love forever.

Daehyun, in the midst of their group hug and mingled weeps, looks up at the three. This...This is the perfect union he’s been yearning for. Friends, lovers, true to each other, for as long as they live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LiT Fic Discord](https://discord.gg/JAXtejPa9C)


End file.
